The Gift of Suffering

It is fascinating to me how we can look at things in nature and apply them as an analogy to our lives. Scripture does this quite often. Jesus, in the parables, used everyday things such as seed, trees, vines and pearls to drive home lessons about the glory of His kingdom. Jesus was extremely practical in His teaching for those who had ears to hear. The same is true today for us if we will choose to do a little investigation into customs and processes that are mentioned in scripture. Take for instance the process of refining precious metals. Often in scripture we see a reference to the purifying work of trials that serve to rid our lives of sin and draw us close to our Savior. Gold is a great gift but suffering? How can that be compared to the beauty and worth of gold? Suffering is indeed part of the human condition. Because of the pervasiveness of sin we will all suffer. For those who have eyes to see, it doesn't take venturing far from your front door to encounter the ailment of the human condition. Scripture even talks about the groaning within creation itself because of the weight of sin. The trees suffer, the atmosphere suffers, the oceans suffer under the weight of sin. For many of you, suffering is a present reality. There are hurts that are emotional, physical and mental. The pain can often be more than we think we are able to bear. We deal with suffering in many ways. Some of us medicate ourselves as a means of escape. Others attempt to live in denial by ignoring the problem. If you are like me, you immediately begin to pray that the suffering would pass. You cry out for an answer, for reprieve from painful circumstances. One thing is certain, we don't pray for more suffering and we rarely, if ever, rejoice in the gift. The gift of suffering. A Gift. Like Gold. Those two words are oxymorons. Anyone would automatically see that a gift and suffering do not belong in the same sentence....or do they? "Count it all joy my sisters when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience (endurance, perseverance). And let patience have its perfect work so that you may be complete lacking nothing." (James 1: 2-4) "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1: 6-7) "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11) Here are three different books of the Bible, all written by different authors, that address suffering. But the instruction is the same. What can we learn about suffering as a refining fire from these brief passages of scripture? First, we learn that joy and trials should go hand in hand. Why? Because we are being molded into the image of Christ. Literally, the image of God! The image of His cherished Son. The One that He loves above all. Can you grasp that concept? We aren't being made into better versions of ourselves or even better versions of someone else. We are being completely TRANSFORMED into something totally different and infinitely beautiful. Let's look at the analogy that Peter gives about being tested by fire. If you have ever seen precious metals or jewels in their natural state they don't look anything like what you see in a jewelry store. When men go out to mine gold they aren't discovering pirate's treasure. Mining is hard, dangerous work. The hard, dull rocks that are unearthed are far from the shining finished product that make up our jewelry and coins. On the contrary, one would be hard pressed to sell gold in its natural state to the average consumer. Unless, he was selling to someone with a trained eye who knows the end result. Jesus sees with the trained eye. Scripture tell us that He knows the beginning from the end. In other words, He can tell the story backwards! He is always keeping the end in mind as He allows trials in our lives. When Christ purchased us through His death on the cross we were ugly, hard, dull rocks. There was nothing in us deserving or worthy of that purchase. Jesus purchased us with a purpose. That purpose being the glory of His great name. God intends to mold us into the image of Christ for praise, glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. However, being molded into His image is difficult, hot, uncomfortable work. Take the opportunity sometime to go online and watch a tutorial on the refining process. This process, known as smelting, requires an intense amount of heat, pressure and poisonous chemicals. This is the only means by which gold can be purified. The purpose of smelting is to bring metals in a solid state to a liquid state. Once liquified, the impurities, also known as dross, rise to the top and can be skimmed off. The higher the heat, the purer the metal. What results is literally, pure gold. The first step in the gold smelting process occurs when ore containing gold is mined from the earth. At this point, the crude binding matter and the gold metal need to be separated. This is accomplished by pulverizing or crushing the gold ore, and then placing it in a furnace. The furnace must reach temperatures in excess of 1064 degrees Celsius, in order to elevate the gold above its melting point. Second, we learn that trials produce righteousness and reveal genuineness of faith. There is nothing that proves so competent in revealing the true nature of our hearts toward God than hardship. It is easy during times of peace and favorable circumstances to glorify and worship the Lord. It is altogether different in seasons of trial. The crucible of suffering reveals where our security, loyalty and trust lies. When things are taken from us, prayers go unanswered and trouble abounds we are inept at hiding our impurities. It is then and only then that they can be brought to the surface and skimmed off leaving behind genuine faith. While many impurities are burned off in the furnace, other metals remain. Gold ore extracted from mines in the earth contains a significant amount of impurities, including traces of other metals. In order to separate the gold from other metals, chemicals such as cyanide solution or mercury are introduced to the gold. This process causes the gold to coagulate, and form nuggets and clumps of gold. Lastly, suffering is the means by which we are made like Christ. Romans 8:17 states, "if indeed we suffer with Him so we may also be glorified with Him." Once gold has been refined it can then be useful for many things. However, it is once again placed under intense heat to mold it into the final product. Whether it serves as jewelry or currency its final state is more valuable than the way in which it was found. After the gold smelting process is complete, the gold is melted once more, and poured into molds to form ingots. Later, the gold ingots may be used for various purposes fulfilled best by this precious metal. Some of this gold is used for jewelry or electronics contacts and may later be recycled for other uses. In the event that gold from jewelry or electronics is to be recycled, the scrap gold must go through another smelting process in order to be considered pure once more. When we are conformed to the image of Christ we are put through our own smelting process at the hands of the ultimate Creator, Designer and Potter. James says that as perseverance has its perfect work we will be complete, lacking nothing. As the believer, once we arrive at the place where we are complete and lack nothing then we will be like Christ. Our transformation will be complete and we will be glorified with Him! The greatest gift we can receive is the gift that molds us into the image of our Father. The greatest compliment we can receive is "You look just like your Dad!" The temporary fiery trials that we endured now are securing an eternal weight of glory that far surpasses anything we can think or imagine. Gold is highly prized not just for its beauty but also because it does not rust or tarnish over time. Yet scripture says that gold is perishable...but our faith is not! Our faith, which is being perfected, is eternal. Although no one enjoys suffering at the time (Heb. 12:11) when we begin to see the greater purpose we can learn to suffer well, with hope that what we are going through matters. And it does matter, sweet one, yes it does!

Biblically Navigating Girl Politics

Raising kids grants you a new and different perspective in life. You not only see their sinful nature but your own as well. Case in point: girl politics. In other words, social etiquette for navigating the rocky seas of growing up female! If you are of the XX chromosomal gene pool and you have drawn breath past the age of two then you are keenly aware of what I am about to say. Having been highly feminine, overly sensitive and ridiculously dramatic since birth I have charted the tumultuous waters of friendship with many lessons learned! This proves invaluable in the present raising of one identical offspring, age nine.

I anxiously waited for the day when she would come home and reveal her first experience with this ugly reality. I hoped against hope that it would not come. I tried to forecast my own reaction. Would I become the over protective, helicopter Mom, swooping in to fight her fight, right the wrong and set the record straight? Would I take the blame off of her shoulders and commiserate with her about the inconsiderate, mean girl? Would I help her plot revenge with a scathing comeback or a party without an extended invitation? Well, if I’m honest (and I have to be honest since this is a Christian blog) I thought about all of these and then some. Fortunately, thanks be to God, I didn’t share my thoughts with my daughter! Although, I suppose she had the same thoughts as well.

However, when the day came, I found myself, surprisingly, removed from the emotion of the situation and doing the very opposite of what I had ever expected: I corrected her. I first determined with my feminine superpowers that quite possibly my daughter might be coloring the story from her perspective for my benefit. I know most women don’t ever do that but I thought just maybe…

After much interrogation about how the whole scenario went down I came to the conclusion that both my daughter and the other girl were at fault. Usually insult begets insult. So, I immediately addressed her actions rather than the other party. Why? Because her actions are what she is responsible for; they are what she can control. As we began to talk she immediately began to excuse her words based on the other girl. This would be affectionately known as the “blame game”. “If she hadn’t said _____, then I wouldn’t have said _____.” We have an affinity for this in our species. Ask any man alive and he would most likely say that it is ALWAYS his fault!

I quickly brought the conversation to a halt, prayed silently for godly wisdom and began to think of what scripture requires of us. Lest you think that scripture is silent about girl politics, I am here to tell you, thankfully, it is not! First, we are told to love our neighbor as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Secondly, we are told not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to but to esteem others above ourselves (Rom. 12:3;16). Thirdly, we are told, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Rom. 12:18). Lastly, we are told not to repay evil for evil but repay evil with good (I Thess. 5:15).

Yep, it’s all there in black and white. But the thing that struck me as more important than the actual instruction was the silent, understood “you”. In other words, these are imperatives, not declaratives or suggestions. We could rephrase them this way: YOU love your neighbor as yourself. YOU esteem others above yourself. YOU live at peace with everyone. YOU repay evil with good. You see, there are no contingencies here. There is never a time when we are dependent upon the actions of someone else in order for us to fulfill these instructions. These are not if/then, cause/effect reactions.

So, in addressing the sticky, hurtful, emotional and often confusing world of growing up with girls I put the oneness back on her; which then caused me to put the oneness back on myself. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when the other person is wrong but I’m not responsible for them, I’m responsible for me. You are responsible for you. She is responsible for herself. I often tell me daughter, “When you get to heaven Jesus isn’t going to ask you to answer for anyone else but He is going to ask you to answer for you.” Of course that is a simplistic way of looking at it but it helps her to understand three valuable lessons: 1) she must keep her eyes on herself, 2) her mouth CLOSED and 3) minding her own business. Scripture says that plain and clear in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “make it your ambition to lead a QUIET life and attend to your OWN business..” Ha! Don’t you just love scripture? I need that plastered to the walls of my brain! How about you??

We were talking the other day and I tried to clear up some of the muddiness for her (and me) by saying this: “You are going to have bad days, so are other people; give them grace. You will not like everyone and everyone will not like you; be kind, give them love.” I think it spoke to me more than it spoke to her!

Ladies, Jesus never commanded us to like everyone but He did command us to love everyone. By nature we are offenders and we are offend-ed and offend-ing all the time. It is so important that we do the right thing and teach our girls to do the same. We need to love with the love of Christ, forgive, forbear and just let some things go. Lastly, sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut! If I have said it once to her I have said it a thousand times, “As women, our mouths will get us in trouble more than anything else!”

In closing, read Romans 12: 9-21 for guidance in girl politics for your girls…and for yourselves because little bees grow up to be queens and things don’t change much in the hive! Amen!!

Post-resurrection Etiquette

Wow! What a weekend! Sleepovers, food, Easter egg hunts, food, sunrise service, food, worship service and more food – do you see a pattern? It has been a wonderful, filling weekend of rest, reflection and retreat. I can think of no better time to pause from work and the day to day busyness than to celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. There is indeed something within that most divine work of redemption that begs us to give pause in our lives.

But today is Monday. Some of you have an additional day off from work which if your company is “p.c.” they are now calling a “spring” holiday. Others are headed back to the daily grind and it is just another week that we hope goes by quickly so that we can welcome our weekend as soon as possible.

We will hurriedly turn our attention from the empty tomb to the empty pocket book, the empty fridge, the empty house, the empty marriage, the empty self, forgetting all that has taken place over the weekend. We will forget the grief of Calvary and the celebration of a stone rolled away. Soon enough the high of the worship will fade and the cares of life will snatch away our Easter joy. How fickle we are; fickle and forgetful.

The nation of Israel was successful in proving this long before there ever was an Easter. God knew that they would soon forget all that He had done for them so He constantly admonished them to “Remember, remember and do not forget.” But even this would not be enough so God in His gracious love provided ceremonies and rituals that would serve as reminders to His people of what He had done for them. Not only that, but He foretold a beautiful story through each event of what He would do for them through their Messiah who was to come.

They were to be perpetual reminders. We can see numerous examples in scripture from the memorial altars to the feasts and the temple sacrifices. All these serve as a clarion call to remember the “Lord your God” consistently throughout the year. They were also to be generational reminders. The Lord instructed them to tell their children so that the greatness of God toward His people would never be forgotten. They were to be attesting reminders. In the fourth chapter of Joshua, after Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground, God instructed them to set up stones as a reminder of the miracle He had performed there so “that all of the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” These observances also served as a witness to pagan nations about the One True God.

The most important of all feasts was the feast of Passover. God instituted this feast upon the return of Israel from their exile in Egypt. God says in Exodus 12: 42: “It is a night to be observed for the Lord for having brought them out from the land of Egypt: this night is for the Lord, to be observed by all the sons of Israel throughout their generations.” Every year the entire nation was to cease from everyday tasks and travel to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Keep in mind this is long before the days of Delta and Greyhound. This was in the days of Israeli Foot-lines and Donkey Saddle-ways. You didn’t hop on your donkey on Friday, spend a long weekend in Jerusalem and head back home on Monday. The journey, depending on where you lived, could take days. It took time and preparation and EFFORT to celebrate Passover.
Then, depending on your time to get home, you had opportunity to meditate on what had occurred.

Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples the night before His crucifixion. At that time He established a new ordinance; the Lord’s Supper. Jesus was putting an end to the old covenant that had been established by the law. But, by His death, He would institute a new covenant with His blood. Likewise, He left us a reminder of His new covenant in The Lord’s Supper. He told His disciples, “This do in REMEMBRANCE of Me.” Jesus was creating a new ceremony that serves as a perpetual reminder to us of His work on the cross. However, He doesn’t stop there. In His time with the disciples that evening He encourages them by telling them that He will not “drink of this of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes” (Luke 22: 18). Jesus is letting them know that He is coming again.

You see, the disciples had heard all that Jesus had to say about His death but they didn’t fully believe it. Many of them didn’t even believe that He had risen from the dead until they saw His resurrected body. But He continued to promise them that He would come again for them. Eventually they believed and the evidence was visible. It says in the last verse of Luke that they “were continually in the temple praising God.” The resurrection had changed their lives! It wouldn’t take long after Pentecost to see how deeply the resurrection had impacted them. Each of them boldly proclaimed the truth of what they had seen. Each of them endured continual persecution and all but one died martyrs deaths.

Do you think when the first Easter rolled around on their calendar that they celebrated for the weekend and then picked up on Monday where they had left off on Thursday? Do you think that they celebrated the Lord’s Supper, sang a few hymns, made their token visit to the temple and then got on with life? No! These men lived every day after the resurrection for the gospel, in remembrance of Christ. Their lives were offerings and sweet smelling sacrifices to God for His final and complete work on the cross. Mostly, they lived with the end in mind. They lived with a sense of urgency and kingdom perspective knowing that Jesus was coming again. Do you?

So today is Monday and unless God deems otherwise we are still here and the Master’s coming is not yet at hand. How will you live today in light of the imminent return of Christ? The tomb is empty. He is risen and oh yes, He is coming again. Will you live with the same sense of urgency, the same gospel centrality, the same kingdom mindset or will you be as the servant, who when His Master returned He found him eating and drinking, distracted by the cares of his heart? To which the Jesus states, “and that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required” (Luke 12:47;48b)

In ancient cultures slaves would set the table for each meal much like we would today. After bringing plates and goblets they would finish the place setting with a cloth to be used to wipe one’s face, hands and beard. If the master at anytime got up during the meal the servant could determine based on the cloth whether or not the master was finished. If the cloth was waded up and tossed to the side then this indicated that the master was done. If the cloth was folded and laid aside this indicated he was coming back.

In the recount of the resurrection John 20:6-7 reads “And so Simon Peter also came, following him and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings but folded up in a place by itself.” Our Master is coming back. The grave said so, the Word says so and Jesus Himself said so. What will be your post-resurrection etiquette? Will you heed the reminder or will you foolishly assume that the Master is busy with other things? “Therefore, be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42).

Choosing Forgiveness: It Is Finished!

I can hardly believe that our time together is over! We have journeyed long and hard through forgiveness and hopefully we find ourselves in a new found freedom. How appropriate that we arrive at freedom on the day that reminds us of the work that purchased our forgiveness, our freedom. We are each Barabbas, the guilty criminal, who has been freed and Jesus goes to take our place!

I stated at the outset that forgiveness is never easy and the deeper the hurt, the harder it is to grant forgiveness. We have comfort in the fact that Jesus knows the pain of forgiveness. The very reason that we celebrate instead of lament over the crucifixion is because it secures our forgiveness. It cost God the Son His life to atone for our sins and even make forgiveness a possibility. Even as Jesus hung dying He left us an example in the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

We tend to hear these words and believe that there was something divine within Christ that overrode His humanity. We tell ourselves that this was Jesus, Son of God who made these statements rather than Jesus, Son of Man. For surely no man could look at His murderers, seeing their hatred and utter such words of compassion. J.C. Ryle wrote, “These words were probably spoken as our Lord was being nailed to the cross, or as soon as the cross was reared up on end. It is a worthy remark that as soon as the blood of the Great Sacrifice began to flow, the great High Priest began to intercede.”

I can scarcely contain emotion over that thought. At the moment when the full agony of the cross became a reality, when the post was dropped with a jarring blow into the ground and the weight of His body was borne by the nails through His wrists and feet, He thought not of revenge but of forgiveness. He thought not of Himself but of His enemies. Enemies that could now be made friends; not just friends but sons, daughters and heirs…by grace through faith in the cross alone.

He thought of the men who had scourged Him with a whip that had shards of bone and metal woven into its strands. He thought of those who had mocked Him placing a faded purple robe and a crown of thorns on His head. He thought of those who cursed Him and hurled insults, blasphemed and derided Him. He thought of those who drove the spikes into His flesh, gambled for His clothes and offered Him nothing but vinegar to quench His thirst…and He thought of you and me. He thought of every sin that had ever been committed since the fall in the garden and every sin that would ever be committed until He comes to judge the living and the dead.

You see, up to this point in history the only atonement for sin was a temporary covering by the blood of animals. The slaughter never stopped. Year after year, thousands of people traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Year after year, ¼ million lambs were sacrificed between Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. It is estimated that it took 600 priests killing 4 lambs a minute in order to accomplish this bloody task. Can you even imagine the scene? The sight? The sound? All of this because sin must be dealt with, somehow, some way…

Was it up to God to make a way for Him to forgive us? Was it up to Him to atone for our sin? Death is the just penalty for our sin yet grace makes a way for life and life eternal. Jesus bore the just penalty that belongs to me and to you for our sins. He bore it as a perfect, spotless Lamb; the very pet Lamb of God. On that Friday when the priests were making preparation to begin their work, in the distance Jesus cried, “It is finished!” There was no need for them to even go to work that
day. The Great High Priest had made intercession ONCE, for all.

Jesus came to do the work of Prophet, Priest and King but He also came to be the prophecy, the sacrifice and the kingdom. Every day of His earthly life pointed to the day when He would be the sacrificial lamb, the atoning sacrifice, the amelioration for our sins. His ministry was the ministry of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration…

As we close out our week and as the sun sets on this Sabbath Day I hope that you will marvel at the darkness that overtook the earth 2000 years ago, the earthquake that broke the ground apart and the power that tore the temple veil from top to bottom. The price for sin had been paid. Forgiveness had been secured and the lamb lay slain for you and for me. The blood was plentiful, pure and precious.

What would you hold on to that is more grievous than this? What is the prison that is so tightly sealed that the freedom of Calvary cannot penetrate? What is the darkness that blinds you from the sunrise of Easter morning? Take your burdens to the cross and leave them there. Hear your Savior saying, “Father, forgive her, she knows not what she does” and then go and do likewise.

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Eight

Wow! Ladies, we have covered a lot of ground together in the last two weeks. It is hard to believe that it is almost over but we still have some work to do before we close the door on this subject. Forgiveness is such a formidable topic. It literally spans the entire canon of scripture and it is an issue that affects anyone and everyone. Not only that, it can be such a sensitive issue, but thankfully, I am not relying on my own opinions. My opinions carry no power, effectiveness or transforming abilities but thankfully the Word of God is “living, active and sharper than any two-edged sword!”

Girls, the Word of God is totally able to give you a command, equip you to follow through with it and make it stick! The freedom that God is calling you to in choosing forgiveness is real and accessible. Reach out and grab it with both hands and don’t let go!

We left off yesterday with the unfortunate reality that forgiveness is not always a restoration in relationship. I have heard it said before that sometimes you have to part with the cross between you. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the wise counsel of Pastors, Elders and friends in deciding to terminate a relationship that is not God-honoring.

Let’s pick up where we left off:

9)Forgiveness IS good for the body of Christ
Unforgiveness in the body of Christ causes dissension. Have you ever been caught in the middle of two church members who are mad at each other? Is there anything messier and more disgusting then the way these things play out? You’ve got both sides constantly trying to drag others in, always telling their side of the story in order to persuade someone to jump on their bandwagon and overall sucking the Spirit right out of the fellowship. It’s enough to make you want to hurt somebody! And obviously hurting somebody isn’t good for the body of Christ…

A little levity is always good but the truth is that forgiveness restores unity and unity among God’s people is always the ideal! Hebrews 12:14-15, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we choose to harbor unforgiveness and bitterness results MANY become defiled. So, we are to strive for peace with everyone. Selah, girls, selah!

10)Forgiveness IS a spiritual war
There is a great battle going on between the kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness and these battles are fought daily when we choose to forgive or not to forgive. We cannot be ignorant when it comes to our enemy and the tactics he employs! When we withhold forgiveness we begin to see flesh and blood as our enemy. But scripture tells us that we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood. If Satan can get us to hate an unbeliever than we will never share the gospel with them. Likewise, if he can get us to hate a believer then he can cause dissension. Either way, we are rendered ineffective for the kingdom of God. The joke is really on us and we end up losing on all fronts.

I often remind myself when I am easily offended to “consider the source”. Let me explain. If Satan is our arch enemy and we wrestle not against flesh and blood then how is it that we end up fighting with flesh and blood? Do you realize that unbelievers are energized by Satan? Although that statement sounds harsh Jesus Himself said that unbelievers are “of [their] father, the devil. You cannot expect unbelievers to have the same capacity or really any capacity for forgiveness because they have not known the infinite forgiveness of Christ. They are dead and unable to do the things that would lead to restoration.

On the other hand, believers often cooperate with Satan. Even though they can’t be possessed, they can be oppressed by him. Remember we are all sanctified in various times, in various ways and at various speeds. More often than not, sanctification is a lot slower process than we would like it to be. You cannot expect all believers to be on the same “spiritual plain”. It would be best for us all to adopt the mantra: forgive, forbear, restore!

You know, it is exhausting to be consumed with retribution and it is generally never enough. There is such freedom in forgiveness. Don’t you see the deception of Satan here to keep us in bondage to a hurt? He keeps us so bound up that we can’t move on and if we can’t move on then we can’t fulfill the purpose God has for us. We can live wasted lives in unforgiveness. We carry the grudge, nursing it, petting it, feeding it. Now do you begin to see why forgiveness is good – the alternative can be totally consuming! It can take over our lives!

The last basic of forgiveness leads us into our next aspect: Forgiveness IS giving a blessing.

In 1 Peter 3:8-12 we are taught that we are called to give a blessing. In contrast to the world, we do not repay evil for evil. At first glance that seems hard enough but once again, scripture goes beyond what seems good for what is above and beyond. Rather than settle for not repaying evil with evil we are called to bless instead!

The word blessing here is used as a verb and it means “to speak well of, to eulogize.” Examples of blessing our enemies would be:

- Finding ways to serve her.
- Praying for her salvation or spiritual progress
- Expressing thankfulness for her
- Speaking well of her
- Desiring her well-being
(1 Peter 2:23; Lev. 19:18; Luke 6:38; Prov. 20:22)

Why? Because we are called for the purpose of inheriting a blessing. We are to be mindful of the great blessing of salvation rather than judgment. We should pursue the blessing we will receive in giving a free gift of forgiveness to someone who has wronged us!

Ladies, I know this is hard! Believe me, this is hard to do when you like someone much less when you consider them an enemy. I think the key in all of this is trusting in the grace of God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and then believing that if He has commanded it then it must be for our good. I do not believe that the Lord has anything but our very best in mind. The problem comes in the discomfort that is required to get to the very best.

In 1850, Florence May Chadwick successfully swam the English Channel and broke the then-current world record. Two years later, she attempted to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California. As she began, she was flanked by small boats that watched for sharks and were prepared to help her if she became wearied or injured. After about 15 hours a thick fog set in. Florence began to doubt her ability, and she told her mother, who was in one of the boats, that she didn’t think she could make it. She swam for another hour before asking to be pulled out, unable to see the coastline due to the fog. As she sat in the boat, she found out she had stopped swimming just one mile away from her destination. Two months later, Chadwick tried again. However,this time was different. The same thick fog set in, but she persevered to the shore. When asked what was different she said that she kept a mental image of the shoreline in her mind while she swam.

Don’t give up for the fog! Fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith and swim the distance to freedom in forgiveness! Trust in the One who says the waters will not overtake you. Trust in the One who has purchased your pardon; He is ready to enable you to pardon even the most grievous offenses so that you can be free!

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Seven

Hang in there girls! Only three more days left! I mentioned way back on day one that it doesn’t take much living before we end up getting hurt, offended, betrayed etc; As women, we learn this all to early because we have a propensity towards sensitivity - shocker I know! I have a nine year old daughter and we are already in the throes of learning how to navigate hurt feelings and peaceable living. I have tried to emphasize to her that conflict is, unfortunately, a part of life. It is a sad commentary to a stark reality when we finally realize that we aren’t always going to get along. I am fond of telling her, “Not everyone is going to be your BFF.”
Besides, BFF is not the point. The point is loving your neighbor as yourself – not liking your neighbor as yourself. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. We have gotten ourselves hung up on feelings. We are focused on feeling sentimental towards others but this isn’t what loving our neighbor is all about. Loving our neighbor has to do with a deliberate set of choices and actions that are not based on our feelings. Feelings are a nice added bonus but they are not an accurate barometer on which to base our actions. I’ll say it again: You can’t always act how you feel! Can I get an amen?

Because of the brokenness of the world and the brokenness of everyone in it due to sin, we can expect to constantly be involved in a state of reconciliation with someone in our lives all the time; our spouses, our children, our neighbors, parents, siblings, other family members, co-workers, friends, our family in Christ and even people we may not know.

The word reconciliation denotes a change or an exchange; namely, to change from enmity to friendship. The concept of reconciliation is set forth in scripture out of 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21. Please take time to read these verses before you continue.
This passage gives us the basis of our reconciliation, our commission, which is the ministry of reconciliation and the training for our ministry which is the word of reconciliation. THEREFORE, we are ambassadors for Christ, God is appealing through every believer to an unbelieving world to be reconciled to God. Our lives should be lived in such a way that reconciliation is ever present in order that Jesus might be made much of!

An unbelieving world cannot see Christ but it can see believers living in a constant state of forgiveness even in the most severe circumstances. This is what causes people to take notice that something is different. This witnesses that the power of Christ within us is real and capable of transforming us into something other than what we should be! I am constantly proclaiming that “Jesus makes me who I am not!” I am conformed to the world without Jesus. I am bitter, threatened and greedy without Jesus. I am unable to forgive without Jesus.

Let’s spend the rest of today discussing what forgiveness is and isn’t:

1) Forgiveness IS the offend-ED going to the offend-ER.
What is normally our first reaction when someone has offended us? “Well I’m not speaking to her because she said such and such to me!” “I’m not going to her! It’s not my fault! Why should I be the one to go to her?” Now do you see why Jesus started with humility in Matthew 18? In the verses dealing with the offended brother the offended goes to the offender! Forgiveness is primarily the responsibility of the person who was hurt to go to the person who did the hurting. Why? Well, first because Christ left us an example! He came to us as the offended! He died for us as the offenders! The offended gave Himself as a ransom for His offenders!! Secondly, there are times when people have hurt us and they simply have no clue! We may have been overly sensitive or perceived something the wrong way. So, rather than allowing a “root of bitterness” to spring up, scripture commands us to go to them (Heb. 12:15). This makes the offender aware of the offense and gives opportunity for mutual reconciliation.

2)Forgiveness IS NOT a feeling, it is a choice.
We have a hard time in western culture with understanding that we don’t have to like someone in order to forgive them or to love them as our neighbor. We think that if we don’t FEEL sentimental or loving towards someone than we shouldn’t forgive them or can’t love them. Superficial love and lust are closely associated but deep, abiding, persevering love that puts others above self, for the most part, is a deliberate choice. So is forgiveness. Choosing to do right by someone, to pray for them and give a blessing instead of a curse is a choice!

3)Forgiveness IS NOT letting the offender off the hook.
Isn’t this what we really want to know? What happens to that person if we choose to forgive? Does this make what they did okay? Does this mean that it didn’t hurt or wasn’t wrong? Forgiveness is not saying it doesn’t hurt or that you shouldn’t feel that hurt. Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened. That would be deception and God doesn’t want us to deceive or lie to ourselves. The cross happened…and it hurt!
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. The word of God never allows sin to go unpunished. God is a God of justice. It simply puts justice in the hands of the Righteous Judge! “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

4)Forgiveness IS treating the other person as if the sin never occurred in the first place.
It means never bringing it up to them or anyone else ever again (Prov. 17:9). It means not holding them to a payment for that offense.

5)Forgiveness IS a humble act.
Sometimes we parade forgiveness and make it into a self-righteous act. Again, forgiveness begins with a humble heart. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13: 4-5).

6)Forgiveness IS done in private.
In Matt. 18:15 we are instructed to go first to our sister privately…no gossip or dragging other people into it. Word to the wise ladies! Before you pick up the phone and start airing all of your grievances, humble yourself, check your heart and go quickly!

7)Forgiveness IS done quickly.
Go quickly so that anger does not fester. Scripture is clear that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Make sure you have your own heart in check and pray that the Lord will guide your words. Is your motive to rebuke or restore? Remember, restoration is the goal!

8)Forgiveness IS NOT always restoration of relationship.
What? Didn’t I just say that restoration is the goal? Yes! However, sometimes the other party will not receive us or will even be offended that we would confront them over a wrong. Other times we have a co-dependent relationship with someone that was forged in sinfulness that needs to be severed for the good of everyone involved. Forgiveness does not mean checking your brain at the door. Forgiveness is a pardon not a free pass to continue to repeatedly offended or abuse. There are some people that we need to stay away from because they are toxic. Jesus said whatever offends you or causes you to stumble pluck it out and cast it from you.

Well, we are off to a good start in discovering the basics of forgiveness. Tomorrow we will finish the basics and move on to the blessing of forgiveness. In the meantime I hope you are learning but I also hope you are putting your learning to the test. Knowledge is just knowledge until it is applied…then it becomes wisdom!

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Six

As spring rolls around I am once again reminded I’m not a gardener. I pretend to be a gardener, I long to be a gardener but alas, I am not. If it could grow regardless of water, sun or rocks then it works for me. If it requires preparing the soil, monitoring acidity and any general maintenance then I will kill it for sure! My dreams of being a gardening diva fade as each year goes by and the crops show little to no return. But, all is not lost because I have learned a few basic things, one being that soil preparation is probably the single biggest factor in yielding good results.

In the parable of the soils, Jesus talks about gardening as well, but this time He isn’t teaching about literal soil, He is teaching about hearts. Just as it takes favorable conditions to grow real fruit, it also takes favorable conditions to grow spiritual fruit. If the soil of our hearts is hard with unforgiveness there is only one kind of root that will survive; the root of bitterness. Let me explain.

Disappointment is birthed when we have unmet expectations. However, when disappointment goes unaddressed it leads to bitterness. Bitterness is a root that grows in the soil of unforgiveness. Bitterness can manifest itself in many ways but I think ultimately our bitterness, although directed at other people, is often a disappointment or anger with God. Do you follow me?

Maybe you know someone who is overcome with bitterness or maybe you have been that person. Maybe you are still that person and you don’t even realize it. You know, we go through life with certain expectations and the longer we live the more we realize that life rarely delivers on those expectations. Sometimes we think our expectations are simple and small comparatively. We aren’t asking for the world, we just want good health, good marriages, good jobs and children who love Jesus…and a vacation once a year, a somewhat sizeable shopping budget, a lovely home and chocolate with no calories! That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for in the grand scheme of things. Besides, all things are possible with God right?

So, why do we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations and then find ourselves reeling when the unrealistic doesn’t become reality? For this very reason: we have the expectation of the perfection of eternity in our hearts. This is the desire for all things to be perfect. Do you know why? Because this is what God created us to be! He created us to be perfect but we shattered that perfection in Genesis 3 and we have continued to shatter it every single day since then. However, the longing within our hearts remains. We know that there is something wrong with the world. We know that suffering, death, pain and betrayal are not the way things should be…so we live life in disappointment…and we simply do not know how to handle it.

I used to live in a constant state of expectation believing that if a few more things could fall into place then there would be a state of utopia in my life that nothing could touch. Sin makes that impossible. And so we, you and I, live disappointed and angry that life has not turned out the way we imagined. Then we let that disappointment fester and it makes us bitter women. We are jealous, we are envious, we are spiteful, we begrudge other people happiness and we become cold. We blame other people for our circumstances when in reality they have no power over our lives. True, some have been the cause of hurt or betrayal but above all there is One that is filtering those circumstances through His hands. When it comes down to it, the truth is, we are mad at God….although we may never admit it because it sounds like total heresy!

So, how do we deal with disappointment when we eventually discover we are angry with the Lord?

1)We must be very careful! God is holy and “other than” we are.
He is certainly big enough to handle our disappointments and anger but there is a fine line between genuine hurt and blasphemy.

2)We must realize that anger with God is short-sighted.
Do you remember the story of Joseph? Joseph couldn’t catch a break to save his life! Just about the time things seemed to quiet down for him, another trial hit. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongly accused of rape, imprisoned as an innocent man and forgotten by the man that could have quickly sealed his pardon! If we leave Joseph there we are hopeless and angry with God.

What about Naomi? She left Israel with her husband and 2 sons because of a famine and traveled to the pagan land of Moab. While she is there, her sons marry pagan women and her husband dies along with both of her sons. She is now in a foreign land, far from home with no family and a gaping hole of grief in her heart. When she returns to Bethlehem and the people see her coming from afar they say, “Look, it’s Naomi!” But she cries, “Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara” which means bitter. “I left here full and the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21)If we leave Naomi here we are disappointed and angry with the Lord.

If we go on to tell the story, Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth travel back to Israel where God supplies a kinsman redeemer in the man of Boaz to marry Ruth thereby securing heirs for Naomi’s family. Boaz begat Obed, Obed begat Jesse and Jesse begat David! Naomi was David’s great, great grandmother which ultimately placed her in the lineage of Christ! Her great, great grandson would sit on the throne of Israel as the greatest earthly king in Israel’s history and a man after God’s own heart!

Joseph is made 2nd in command over all of Egypt and because of a God-ordained famine his brothers are driven right to his door step. He chooses FORGIVENESS and God brings all of his family to Egypt in order to preserve them from extinction. Why? Because He is true to His promises! God called a people through the seed of Abraham and He faithfully preserved them through kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment! You might say, “Why?” “Why not just supernaturally bring them some food in Canaan without all of the tragedy with Jacob? Why not save this poor man some trouble!”

I cannot even pretend to answer why or know the mind of God but I do know this: it displayed the glory of God in greater ways than we could have imagined. You see, this is God’s ways being higher than our ways! In the end, Joseph said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good!” This is a man who believed God! This is a man who believed God was good! So, don’t be short-sighted! Even if you don’t see it, God is working it out! Trust His heart, trust His character, trust His faithfulness!

3)Anger with God is unbelief. We touched on this earlier. But this ties in with the last point. We must belief that God is good. Being angry with the Lord is fundamentally believing that God has failed or made a mistake or that He should have done differently. This is rooted in unbelief in God’s goodness, wisdom, providence…ultimately His character.

4)Anger with God is futile. There is a great quote by James Weldon Johnson that goes like this, “Young man, your arms are too short to box with God!” Enough said!
Anger with God is a lie of the devil. What a great tactic from our great adversary! If Satan can get you mad at God then loving and serving Him will be nearly impossible. I will say this more than once…know your enemy…better yet, know your God and BELIEVE HIM then your enemy will be easy to spot!

5)Anger with God is a matter of perspective. This ties all these points under bitterness together. The right perspective goes a long way. Many of you may remember a sister in Christ named Ramey who went home to be with the Lord in 2008 after a whirlwind battle with brain cancer. This story from John (Ramey’s husband) and Monica (his new wife) will show how the right perspective can starve a root of bitterness. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me! http://vimeo.com/34722066

What an amazing testimony of God’s grace when coupled with believing God! As Monica so aptly stated, “The Lord did not come to kill, steal and destroy but to give us the abundant life. This must be the abundant life!” What faith!

As we close today I would ask you to test your heart. In the face of disappointment do you speak as Naomi or do you speak as Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Choosing Forgiveness: Week Two

I hope you enjoyed a Sabbath Day filled with “Hosannas” to our Savior King! It is hard to imagine that Jesus rode into Jerusalem to shouts of praise and one week later would walk out to shouts of hatred on His way to atone for their sins along with yours and mine. How fickle is mankind? How unstable and how stark the contrast in comparison to the eternal, unchanging Son of Man? We get so focused on the praise of man and the praise of man is utterly fleeting. We will work ourselves to death to try and earn it and then waste ourselves away to try and keep it.

Although I have been working on this study for quite some time it is no coincidence that the last part would fall on the week leading up to the Resurrection. This is Easter. This is why we celebrate – because we are forgiven and set free. Our Savior has been resurrected and He is seated at the right hand of the Father always making intercession for us! How can we not freely bestow forgiveness in light of the weight of glory in which we now stand?

As we begin looking at the gospel as our basis for forgiveness there are five points that are important for us to stand on:

1) Forgiveness is a God concept not a man concept. If it were not for the illumination of the Holy Spirit through the Word we would not even know that we need forgiveness. Everything in scripture reminds us over and over that salvation is a God work from the moment when we are aware of our sin, to the end; our glorification.

The sum total of the gospel is this: God created the world, including mankind in perfection, mankind rebels and the entire creation is plunged into sin. BUT GOD as the offendED makes a way for the us, the offendERs to have FULL pardon.

Not only that, but He equips the offender with conviction to see her sin and then engenders faith to believe in the forgiveness He has set forth in Christ.
Scripture says all of this took place while we were dead in our trespasses! The dead do not DO anything – they are dead. We had no part in God’s plan of redemption and we do not earn it – it is a free gift! (Rom. 6:23; Eph. 2:8)

Ladies, this is great news! It is the best news! We don’t have to be cleaned up and have it all together. We don’t have to work for it or come in first to get the prize. Our part is so passive in all of this that scripture says we are dead! If you are like me and keenly aware of your short-comings and failures then this is music, literally, to your ears: “Jesus paid it ALL, ALL to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, HE washed it white as snow! Praise God!

2) Forgiveness is first and foremost a CHOICE. We are commanded to forgive. Forgiveness is a command, not a choice. Our forgiveness is not dependent upon the attitude, asking or receptiveness of the offender. In fact, the other party’s request or “appropriate” contrite-ness is never taken into consideration in scripture. There is never a time when Jesus tells us we are to forgive only if the other person asks for it or is truly sorry for what they have done. In fact, the other person is not even a factor!

There will be times when we are prompted by our feelings to forgive but most often we will not. Feelings are motivated by the heart and the heart is deceitful. The heart looks out for its own interests and protects itself. We cannot always act how we feel and in the same way we cannot rely on our feelings to prompt us to forgiveness, grace, love, mercy or forbearance. Sometimes we have to make decisions with our head and allow our hearts to catch up!

3) Forgiveness is not a meritorious work. (Meaning it is not earned!) Our choice of forgiveness is not based on the attitude, actions or even the asking of the other person. Jesus did not die because we were worthy but because He is just. He alone is worthy.

On the contrary, scripture says we were ungodly, unlovable, evil, malicious, gossips, slanderers, of our father the devil…what about that seems worthy or lovable? God’s forgiveness of us is not motivated by something within us that deserved forgiveness. Salvation is motivated by God’s holiness not our worthiness because there is nothing in us that is worthy.

We are never worthy of forgiveness – it is God’s free choice out of grace to extend forgiveness. We have not earned it therefore it is not a meritorious work. God expects nothing less of us in forgiving others – they do not and cannot earn our forgiveness, we must give it freely.

4)Forgiveness is hard, often painful. You know the beautiful thing about this? Jesus knows! He knows the pain and cost associated with forgiveness! Jesus suffered severely on the cross in order to offer forgiveness – should we expect any less? (Heb. 12:3-4)

5)Unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. God will never ask us to do something He won’t equip us to do; He will never ask us to do something that isn’t beneficial; He will never ask us to do something that is impossible or that Jesus hasn’t already done!

This sums up the basis for our forgiveness! I want to leave you with a beautiful picture of a woman who had encountered the gospel, her basis for forgiveness…

I had the privilege of being seated at dinner recently next to a woman that I had only known from a distance. I have a unique talent for being able to write people’s stories in my head based on a name or appearance. I guess it is the imaginative side of me that loves to romanticize someone else’s life. Don’t get me wrong – it’s just fun, no harm done. I usually don’t share my thoughts but I will tell you I would starve as a fortune teller – if I believed in that sort of thing!

In the course of normal dinner conversation this sweet woman begins to tell me about her past. She was abused by her birth mother until the age of four at which time she entered foster care. She was in and out of homes until the age of seven when she was taken into a Christian home. From seven until eleven she stayed with this family and became a believer. However, she was very violent toward the biological children in the home and was forced to leave. She says she absolutely doesn’t blame the parents, she would have done the same thing. At the age of eleven she was adopted into an abusive home where she was assaulted emotionally, physically and sexually until the age of 19. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had totally lost my appetite and I wanted nothing more than to hear the rest of the story.

She told me that at 19 she had the opportunity to enroll in college by the grace of God. From there she severed all ties with her adoptive family and began a journey in which the Lord completely transformed her life! She sat across from me with a countenance of such peace and joy on her face that I would never have imagined where she had been had she not been telling me from her own mouth. At 40, she is now a married mother of three, a foster mom to two exchange students and a beautiful picture of God’s grace and forgiveness. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “God has healed me! I am whole because of Him!” Do you think she had met Jesus? Do you think she understood the gospel as her basis for forgiveness? There is no doubt in my mind!

Ladies, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with our God! So much of this study is dependent upon you believing that. Hebrews 11:6 says this, “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” I will continue to drive this home because ultimately unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. We have got to ask the Lord to “help us overcome our unbelief” and grab the freedom of forgiveness with both hands today, today, today…

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Four

Are you sore yet? I am! I’ve had so many toes stepped on I’m limping! Not only that but I have felt the Holy Spirit poking at some things I have kept locked away that I deliberately didn’t want to deal with. As much as I have tried to ignore it, He presses in all the more! But you know, I’m learning so much and I’m feeling the flood gates begin to open a little wider each time I relinquish control over my hurts. I hope the same is happening for you. I don’t pretend to know what each of you has faced. I know if we could talk that I would probably clasp my hand over my mouth in disbelief at what some of you have endured. But Beloved, I don’t need to know because Jesus does! He knows, He sees and He is big enough to overcome anything that you have experienced.

Yesterday we covered a lot of ground in our study of the parable of the unjust servant. We began to get a glimpse of the enormity of God’s work on the cross in forgiving our sins. I used to sing a song as a little girl that summed up the simplicity of the gospel:
“He paid a debt He did not owe,
I owed a debt I could not pay. I needed someone to wash my sins away. And now I sing a brand new song ‘Amazing Grace’!
My Jesus paid a debt that I could not repay! Selah!
It really is that simple and that complex all at the same time. When we look at the work that Jesus accomplished in atoning for our sins at Calvary and then choose not to forgive others we are like the wicked servant. At the outset of this study I touched briefly on the world vs. the word. In this parable the servant is our example of how the world handles forgiveness and the King is our example of God’s forgiveness of us.

I am continually amazed how much our lives are shaped with situational ethics, meaning we change our ethics, morals and decisions as the situation changes. Scripture is never situational about anything, especially forgiveness. Therefore, we are called to apply the truth of the Word over the ever-changing “ethics” of the world.

We are commanded to forgive. We aren’t asked, we aren’t advised and we aren’t given the choice. We are told to forgive. Why? Because forgiveness is the basis for the gospel. If there were no sin then forgiveness would not be necessary but scripture says that if our offenses were counted against us, who could stand? Our sins against the Lord are great but the Lord freely offers forgiveness every time for every sin. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

The rest of our study will focus on five aspects of forgiveness: The Basis of forgiveness, the Bitterness of unforgiveness, the Basics of forgiveness, the Blessing of forgiveness and the Benefit of forgiveness. We will begin to look at the first one next week: the basis for forgiveness, the gospel. Why is it that we are commanded to forgive? Why is it that forgiveness is unconditional? What and who do we look to in understanding how to forgive?

Meditate on these things as you begin the ascent into Passion Week. Reflect on the cross and the costly forgiveness that was bought for you with the blood of the spotless Lamb of God…and worship!

Forgiveness: Day Three

Finally! After three long days of laying some very necessary groundwork we have arrived at our focal text. You have worked really hard to this point but don’t give up right before you get to the good stuff! Let’s quickly jump in because there is quite a bit to cover today.

Please read Matthew 18:21-35

This passage of scripture is best known as “The Parable of the Unjust Servant.” Although there are many passages on forgiveness in scripture this paints such a vivid picture of how we appear when we choose not to forgive others. The foundation for the parable is laid by the impetuous apostle Peter. We can always count on Peter to ask those things that all of us are thinking! So Peter starts us off by asking the question that “everyone wanted to know but was afraid to ask”: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?” Basically, Peter wants to cut to the chase and get straight to the point. He has listened to Jesus teach about humility, checking our own hearts to rid them of stumbling blocks and then restoration of our brothers and sisters who have sinned but what he really wants to know is, “How many times am I required to forgive, forbear and restore until I’ve met my quota?”

Peter’s offer of seven times was seemingly magnanimous because back in the 1st century the rabbis taught, based on several scriptures out of Amos 1, that God only forgave Israel’s enemies 3 times. Therefore, to forgive more than 3 times was unnecessary and presumptuous. Peter had doubled the requirement and added one so he probably expected a pat on the back. However, as Jesus always does, He cuts right across our high-mindedness and exposes the intents of our hearts by setting the standard far above anything we could ever imagine…or attain without Him.

Jesus’ reply of seventy times seven is not to give us a set number of 490 as the exact number of times we should forgive but it represents an innumerable number. Jesus has not instituted a system of Pharisaical tally marks but a system of grace where His glory in forgiveness is put on display.

Upon excavation of the following verses we unearth a great deal of truth regarding the heart of our God. We first need to establish the absurdity of this parable. The disciples would have recognized right off that this parable was extremely far-fetched. First, a king would never have gotten himself into a situation where he would need to settle debts with his slaves especially where he was owed as much or more than he owned.

In v. 24 we see how much this one servant owed him: 10,000 talents. Let’s put this into perspective: one talent was worth what a laborer would make over 15 years. If we say that the average yearly wage of a laborer today is 25,000, 15 years would amount to $375,000. Ten talents would be 3.75 million dollars. The conclusion: 10,000 talents was an exorbitant amount of money. This would be like our President allowing one person to borrow trillions of dollars against our national debt! Again, no king would have put himself in that kind of financial predicament.

So, it isn’t hard to understand when verse 25 says,”he couldn’t repay.” The lord (representative of the king) comes up with the idea of having the slave and all his family sold into slavery in order to recover some of the debt. Does this strike anyone else as ridiculous? The reality is there is no way this debt could be paid. If this man, his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren worked all their lives there would be no way to repay the debt.

The slave’s response was to fall on his face and ask for patience in trying to repay the debt – notice that the slave did not ask for forgiveness! However, the lord felt compassion, released him AND forgave the debt. This is total forgiveness. He could have released him but not forgiven the debt. He could have forgiven the debt but not released him. Instead scripture says he felt compassion. This word “compassion” means: “bowels of mercy”, “womb”, “to be moved as to one’s inwards”. The word here talks about a visceral, deep seated response to something. A pity that is felt. The lord was so moved by the servant that he had an ache within him. Have you ever seen someone in distress and physically felt compassion for them? This is the idea here: a sensitivity that only a mother could feel for her children; a mother’s love.

You would expect that the servant would have been so overjoyed he could think of nothing else! He had basically just won the lottery! He was free! But instead he goes out and finds a man that owes him the equivalent of 3 months wages and he does what? He seizes him and begins to choke him while demanding his money! Do you see the extreme analogy here? His response toward his fellow servant is so severe. The slave’s response is almost the same as the original plea to the king: he fell to the ground and pleaded with him, asked him to be patient that he would repay all he owed. This was a debt that could easily have been paid back. This offense was nothing compared to the great offense of the original debt.

But the slave who has just been pardoned was “unwilling” and threw him in prison. His fellow slaves were so grieved over this scene that they reported it all to the lord. What does the lord call him? You “wicked” slave! So, the lord was “moved with anger”. Scripture tells us that God hates sin. Because He is holy and just He is always angry over sin, including the sin of His children.

It says verse 34 that the lord handed him over to torturers. The word “torturers” does not mean executioners but it does indicate severe discipline. As true children of God we can never lose our salvation because our salvation is dependent upon God. Scripture says, “I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.” However, we can fall into discipline over disobedience. The Lord commands us to forgive and just because we are His children doesn’t mean He is okay with sin in our lives. The idea here is that the unjust servant would remain under the discipline of the Lord until he could learn to forgive others.

The last verse sums up Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness: God will also do the same to you if you do not forgive your brother what? From your heart. This indicates a genuine forgiveness. Not lip service but genuine forgiveness.

You know, sometimes we think withholding forgiveness keeps us safe but there is no “safety” in the Christian life. God is constantly calling us to do the hard thing, pushing us to the point of weakness that we might rely on the Spirit within us, denying the flesh and our selfish desires for comfort. The Christian life will never be one of comfort, ease or safety…Jesus did not live that kind of life and we should not expect more for ourselves. Jesus is constantly calling us to take up our cross, deny self and follow Him.

Repeatedly we will be faced with decisions that don’t feel good to us and we must make a decision for obedience or disobedience. This comes down to our trust in the Lord. Do we trust that when He commands us to forgive that it will be for our good? Do we trust that His word is true and that He is able to empower us to follow through with what He has commanded us to do?

In closing today, I want to ask you this question: How big is your God? Is He big enough to handle the offenses against you? Is He big enough to enable you to forgive even the deepest hurts? Is He big enough to bring healing where a root of bitterness has grown? Can He do what He says He can do? Do you believe it? Can you receive it?

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Two

Yesterday we closed with a strong petition to go after those who would fall into deceptions and ultimately stray from the flock of God. I hope that those words had as much impact on you as they did on me. I am constantly reminded that so much of my responsibility is to my sisters and brothers in Christ as joint heirs and fellow sojourners. When we begin to grasp this form of denying self we begin to catch a glimpse of what Jesus is teaching about forgiveness!

Let’s recap: Jesus begins his teaching to the disciples in Matthew 18 with instructions on humility, then He warns us about deceptions and/or stumbling blocks which flows into the parable of the lost sheep. This parable instructs us on what to do when one is deceived and goes astray.

There is a pattern developing here that we can use for practical application in our own lives. The first step in forgiveness is humility. Humility is not a means of being weak. Sometimes we think the word humble means “less than.” In reality humility is lowly MINDEDNESS. This happens when we begin to think of ourselves as lowly, less important than others, putting others and their needs first. Where else have we seen this train of thought? Do you remember how we closed yesterday and opened today? Denying self? Do you see how the word of God is so tightly knit that it is constantly reaffirming itself over and over again! I just love those light bulb moments!!

Humility is also a state of mind where we are completely dependent on Jesus to care for us (as in the case of the little child) so that we are freed to put others first. Scripture tells us to “humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God.” Notice that this is an imperative statement. In other words, this isn’t optional or something that is done supernaturally. This is something we are commanded to do; to humble ourselves. When we come to a point where we are so confident that Jesus has and will meet all of our needs then we are freed up to focus on others. This ladies, is Humility 101!

The second step in forgiveness is checking our own hearts. Jesus gives a warning about deceptions but He also gives a strong warning to those who would be deceivers and thereby cause others to stumble. He wraps up by instructing us how to handle those things in our lives that cause us to stumble. The point? We have to be careful in dealing with sin. Sin is not something that we flippantly overlook in our own lives or in the lives of others. When we are preparing ourselves to approach someone about sin in their lives scripture says, “take heed lest you fall.” It is so easy when we are in a situation where we have been wronged not to “wrong back”. We must take inventory of our own lives and motives before we can begin to confront someone else.

The third step in forgiveness is restoration or reconciliation. Ladies, the goal of forgiveness is always restoration. It is the reason that Jesus forgives us – so that He might restore fellowship between sinners and Himself. Is there something there that would give you pleasure in confronting someone who has offended you or offended others? Is there pleasure in being the one who corrects and “sticks it to them?” Then you are not the one who should go! There should be no delight in showing another his offense. We should always check our motives when confronting others about sin.

You know, this is something that we are not very good at as women. Often times we go totally against scripture when it comes to confronting sin and forgiving others, especially if it is personal. Of course, we have a tendency to take a lot of things personally even if they don’t necessarily involve us…another word for this would be MEDDLING! I have seen it happen more than once in my own life. Someone hurts me and I run straight to the phone – to call someone else. We find great comfort in numbers. We want the affirmation of others to commiserate with us and egg us on in our anger.

Or, we are the eager confidant who is there with a listening ear only too willing to add fuel to the fire. Sometimes we even take things on as our own hurt and attempt to “settle a score” that had nothing to do with us to begin with. Is anyone tracking with me here or is it just me? I have seen whole groups of people gang up on one person because of a serious amount of gossip and hearts that were bent on retaliation not restoration! Mmmmm, I sense a spankin’ comin’ on! There are just some things that we will get a spanking over and I can promise you that God doesn’t waste His divine spankings!! Word to the wise: “The heart of the righteous PONDERS how to answer but the mouth of the wicked POURS out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28).

As we wrap up our groundwork in chapter 18, Jesus begins to describe the actual process of confronting one who has offended us, or as the text says, has “sinned”. Verses 15-20 provide a process to be followed for individual forgiveness and for church discipline – we aren’t going into detail here because this isn’t the focal point of the lesson but I do want to point a few things out:

In verse 15 the sister goes to the one who has hurt her, “privately.” This is a good one girls! As we just discussed, we are of a talkative, pack mentality. As soon as we are hurt the very first thing we want to do is tell someone about it so they can agree with us. We assume there is strength and justification in numbers. But scripture is clear that we are not to tell anyone. In other words, this isn’t meant to be a public spectacle. When we are convicted by the Holy Spirit it occurs in the
privacy of our own hearts. Shaming someone is never at the heart of restoration.

The rest of this passage deals with handling a member of the body of Christ who is engaged in sin in order to restore them to fellowship with the Lord and fellowship with the body. However, we see clearly here that sometimes restoration does not always take place. The focus here is on our motive and method. We are responsible for how we approach sin, the offender and the forgiveness. However, we cannot control how the other party will react. This is why it is so important for us to make sure we are doing all we can to be humble, check our own hearts and go in a spirit of restoration!

Choosing Forgiveness: Day One

Yesterday it was pointed out the tension that exists between the Word and the world. We established that these two viewpoints will mainly collide and it will be a constant challenge for us as believers to resist the fleshly reactions of the world. I will always try to drive home the necessity for belief in God’s Word as absolute truth from beginning to end. If we are ever going to succeed in the Christian walk we must believe that God is truth and His Word reveals the wisdom of God.

However, we have a tendency to begin to question the goodness and truth of God when things get hard. We automatically associate the things that are best with the things that are pleasurable. Isn’t that the easier thing? If that were always the case then following Christ would be appealing to everyone. On the contrary, God is repeatedly calling us to deny self, take up our cross and follow Him. We are looking for a God of comfort rather than a God of conviction. As we begin our study on forgiveness let’s commit to work hard and cast off the desire to stay comfortable. Let’s challenge ourselves to open up to the healing that forgiveness brings no matter how hard it may seem.

Our main text for the next few days will be Matthew 18. We are going to read the chapter in its entirety to give us context for what we are studying. Please read Matthew 18.

Okay, I know some of you are scratching your heads at this point trying to see where all of this ties into forgiveness! Bear with me, it will make more sense as we move along. In all of chapter 18 Jesus is addressing His disciples with one continuous teaching. This is important because we always need to understand the audience. If Jesus had been preaching to the masses or addressing the religious hypocrites of the day then the passage might have taken on a different meaning. This would be a good time to point out a key point to remember when studying scripture: there are no chapter and verse divisions in the original writings. These divisions were added later for clarity and organization but they are not inspired. So, when you are reading a chapter it may not always be one complete teaching from beginning to end. Fortunately, in this case, it is.

Okay, if we look back in verse one we see that the disciples have come to Jesus with a simple question: “Who will be greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” That’s an honest question. Wouldn’t you like to know how to be greatest in the kingdom of heaven? At the top of the totem pole for all eternity? Jesus immediately answers their question by using the example of a little child as a representative of great humility and dependence. So, Jesus begins by instructing on humility in v. 1-6. The nature of a little child is one of total dependence upon another. Children have complete trust that their needs will be met. They don’t have the same anxieties and worries that adults have.

I can remember being a child and my only concern was what was for dinner, what came on t.v. that particular night of the week and who I was going to play with that day. I lived in total ignorance of the problems and anxieties that were swirling around me. That innocence lasts for such a short period of time. All too soon we become saturated with the cares of the world. Jesus is calling us back to utter dependence on Him, just like a child.

From there Jesus goes on to teach in v. 7-10 about stumbling blocks. The word stumbling block actually means “trap or trap door”. If you have ever seen a homemade rabbit trap there is usually some kind of bait deep inside a box. The animal goes after the bait. Once the bait is moved it triggers the trap door to shut thus trapping the animal inside. This is what scripture means when it talks about stumbling blocks – things that deceive us. Whatever it is that causes you to be deceived, trapped or stumble should be cut off! Although it is necessary to point out that Jesus doesn’t mean for us to walk around looking like Pirates with a patch over our eye, a hook for a hand and a peg leg. He is simply driving home the seriousness of dealing with things that would deceive us and cause us to stumble.

So, let’s stop and quickly recap. Jesus begins his instruction to His disciples addressing the necessity of humility. He then goes on to teach on stumbling blocks. Hang with me here, it will come together, I promise.

The next section of teaching begins in v.11 and runs through v. 14. However, if your Bible is like mine there may be a sub-heading at the beginning of v. 12. Remember how I said that there were no original chapter and verse divisions? This is a perfect example of how we have to be careful to follow scripture in the context of what is going on around it. If we simply take one verse or a section of verses and try to make them stand alone then we run the risk of misinterpreting what it really means.

The parable of the lost sheep, at first glance, seems to be a separate topic but as we look closer we find it has a great deal to do with forgiveness. The one sheep that has “strayed” or as some translations say “lost” is an example of one who has been deceived. Let me take a moment here to drive this point home. In John 10: 1-16 Jesus makes two of His poignant “I AM” statements, “I AM the door of the sheep” and “I AM the good Shepherd”. In His discourse He is driving home the point that His sheep know Him and follow Him. It is easy to draw the conclusion that the opposite is true as well: those that are not His sheep do not know Him and do not follow Him.

In ancient middle eastern cultures, shepherds took care of one particular flock for life because sheep are loyal creatures of habit. They quickly became acquainted with the voice of their shepherd and would only follow his call. Sheep are so sensitive to the unique call of their shepherd that many shepherds (as in the account of the birth of Christ) could abide in the same field without a concern for sheep getting lost or following the wrong shepherd. The only reason a sheep might get lost would be due to straying too far from the shepherd so as not to hear the call or if it stayed on the fringes of the flock putting it in danger of being eaten by wolves. Pretty amazing huh?

The concept of the lost sheep would have caused the disciples to take note because something would have caused this one sheep to stray from his shepherd. What is the reaction of the shepherd? He leaves the ninety-nine sheep to go search for the one that is lost! There are a lot of conclusions we could draw here but the overarching theme is that of RESTORATION. The shepherd goes after the straying sheep in order to restore it to the flock. This paints such a vivid picture of the necessity of restoration when someone has strayed.

We have a responsibility to go after those who have been deceived and are straying. I don’t know if you had the chance to read the post prior to this series about “being a Nathan”? If not, I encourage you to read it. We have gotten into the mindset that we are not responsible for the actions of other people - that each of us is autonomous or responsible only for ourselves. This is never the case! Although we are not held accountable for the individual sins of another we are accountable for others. In the case of an unbelieving world we are responsible for accurately and consistently reflecting the glory of God, making much of Christ and evangelizing the lost. In the case of fellow brothers and sisters in Christ we are responsible! We are responsible for not presenting ourselves as a stumbling block.

Scripture is very clear about this, even in this chapter. Remember what Jesus says in v. 7 about stumbling blocks? “It is inevitable that stumbling blocks will come but woe to that (wo)man through whom the stumbling block comes. The entire chapter of Romans 14 on into the first few verses of chapter 15 is dedicated solely to this truth.

I want to close today by driving this home. Ladies, I am sorrowed over how much I hear today out of the mouths of women who profess the name of Christ about their “Christian liberty”. We are brash and rebellious about our rights and we are demanding about what we deserve. We have lashed out so far against the legalistic Jesus movement of the 70’s that the pendulum has swung heavily in the opposite direction. We are no longer concerned about what people think or how we appear to others, unbelieving or believing. We have no regard for the struggles in others lives and we are quick to cast a stone toward someone who would “judge” otherwise.

We have used our Christian liberty which was given in order to EDIFY others as a cloak to justify our own sinful desires! I watch as the church runs head long into the enjoyment of the things of this world. We barely stand out anymore. We dress like the world, we watch what the world does, we socialize like the world and we even “worship” like the world. We have lost our flavor as salt and our light, in contrast to their darkness, has become dim.

We are called to be different! Not just in what we profess with our mouths but in how we live. There should be a noticeable difference. God set Israel APART from other nations. He calls us to be set apart. He says, “Be holy as I am holy.” People should notice that I don’t talk the way they do. People should notice I don’t dress the way they do. People should notice that there are places I don’t go and things I don’t do. I don’t have to say a word, I can just do it! And then, when they notice, and believe me, they will take notice, I can speak of the reason that my life is different.

The point? Why is there a need for the world to desire what it already is? In other words, if the world only sees the world when it looks at us then how does it know there is anything different to be desired? It doesn’t see the change, it sees itself. As we look at forgiveness we will find that we are to respond “other than” the world. It will be hard, it will uncomfortable, it will be good and it will be right. Oh yes, and it will be different!

Choosing Forgiveness: Introduction

When you hear the word forgiveness what is the first thing that comes to mind? Do you immediately envision a scenario where two people have quarreled and one comes to the other with a down –trodden look and says, “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Maybe you think about forgiveness as a way to pacify or keep things peaceful. Then again, maybe you see forgiveness as a weakness, a character flaw, an undesirable, unnecessary part of life.

If you have lived for any length of time, long enough that you can read this, then you have been wronged at least once in your life but probably multiple times. The sting of betrayal, ridicule, rejection, abuse, lies and ill-treatment bring memories that are vivid and often very hard to forget. The truth is it just plain hurts. It hurts to be sinned against. Sin hurts. And because sin hurts, forgiveness is hard. The ultimate price of forgiveness was death, so, yes, forgiveness is hard ….and it is costly. Jesus knows. But, if you have been a believer any time at all you know that just because something is hard doesn’t mean we can ignore it. On the contrary, we are, more often than not, called to do the hard thing. The thing that goes against our natural, fleshly inclinations and requires strength that only the Spirit of God can equip us to fulfill. Forgiveness is one of those things.

Forgiveness is a topic rarely talked about anymore. We certainly don’t hear about it in secular circles and we hear about it less and less in Christian circles. Why? Because forgiveness is passé. Retaliation, revenge, playing hard ball, making someone pay, making excuses, back peddling and getting even are all characteristics of strong, successful people. Justifying our bitterness, anger and unforgiveness is widely accepted today. We say things like, “I don’t blame you, I’d be mad too” or “don’t get mad, get even” or “pay day, some day.” Qualities like forgiveness, forbearance and reconciliation are not valued, if anything they are seen as weakness. In our minds, we associate forgiveness with spineless doormats who just need to learn to stand up for themselves.

However, this is not what scripture teaches. So, either we are wrong or scripture is wrong. Time and again the world and scripture are going to collide. We will constantly be making decisions to follow the world or follow the Lord. Scripture says in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind!”

So, in this study we are going to lay aside our conformity to the world on forgiveness and be transformed by what the Word says! We will examine what scripture says about forgiveness in 5 areas: the Basis of our forgiveness, the Bitterness of withholding forgiveness, the Basics of forgiveness, the Blessing of forgiveness and the Benefit of forgiveness. We will biblically navigate all of these aspects of forgiveness. Why should we forgive? What does it look like to forgive? Does forgiving mean I should forget? What if the person who hurt me never asks for forgiveness?

Between today and tomorrow take some time to search your heart and petition the Lord in prayer. Make a list of people that you have not forgiven. Yes, maybe you said you had forgiven them but deep down you know you are still penalizing them and harboring bitterness towards them. Ask the Lord to grant you grace during this study to lay this down once and for all to His glory…and for your good.

Be a Nathan!

We've all been there. We've all had the friend that claimed to be a believer but was living out a sinful lifestyle. Some, if not most of us, have been that friend at one time. Everyone around us can see the sin but no one wants to speak up for fear of appearing judgmental or intolerant. It is just so much easier to be a yes man. It keeps the peace and it maintains friendships. But, is keeping quiet really the right thing to do?

In recent years I have adopted the saying, “Be a Nathan”. I’m not sure where the saying originated but I’m a fan. We are all called to be Nathans but in our world of tolerance and fear over offending someone, we have sinned by keeping silent. The church is in desperate need of more Nathans. Will you rise to the high calling of what God has set forth by the TRUTH of His word?

In order to best understand who Nathan is we need to go to the portion of scripture that has to do with Nathan – novel idea I know! Turn with me to 2 Samuel 12. Before you read the chapter let me give you a little background on what has taken place to set the stage for Nathan.

In 2 Samuel 11, David has come upon a woman named Bathsheba as she is bathing on her roof top. It says in verse 1 that this was at a time when kings go out to battle. David, as king, was obviously not out to battle. While his men fought for the kingdom of Israel, David stayed at home. When David saw Bathsheba bathing he inquired about her. “Is this not Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” The response he got should have been enough to thwart his desire but unfortunately, it was not.

Scripture describes this scenario in James 1:14-15, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” To clarify, lust is not just a sexual desire for someone but can most easily be translated as “a strong desire of the human soul to enjoy or acquire something to fulfill the flesh.” In the case of David, lust was sexual but lust is not always physical in nature.

So David calls for Bathsheba and commits adultery with her knowing that 1)she is a married woman and 2) she is married to one of his soldiers who is out to war. The very next verse, verse 5 says, “The woman conceived; and she sent and told David, and said, ‘I am pregnant.’” Will your sins find you out or will your sins find you out? For David, he didn’t have to wait long to begin to see the hammer fall.

So David concocts a scheme to cover up his sin by calling Uriah in from the battlefield to have some time with his wife. David assumed that Uriah, tired from battle, would have some much needed R&R and then the child could be passed off as his. However, Uriah, being an honorable man declined the invitation and slept at David’s gate because his fellow soldiers were not afforded the same luxury. David attempts to manipulate the circumstances two different times but to no avail. Uriah’s valor could not be corrupted. So David plots to have Uriah killed and even sends Uriah’s death warrant by his (Uriah’s) own hand! Today we would call that
premeditated murder.

Do you see how sin grows in its intensity? Adultery led to lies, corruption and eventually murder. Very rarely does one sin stay within the confines of itself. Sin has a nasty way of growing and demanding more sin in order to cover for the original sin. What is the saying? “Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to deceive?” I have to give an “Amen” to that one, girls! We close chapter 11 with this verse, “When the time of mourning was over, David sent and brought her to his house and she became his wife; then she bore him a son. But the thing that David had done was EVIL in the sight of the Lord.”

Enter Nathan. Please read all of chapter 12.

What does the very first verse of chapter 12 say? Then THE LORD SENT Nathan to David. Nathan was commissioned by the Lord for the very purpose of confronting David over his sin. Now, let me pause here for a second to point out a few things: Nathan was not vengeful in his confrontation. He presented the parable and confronted David with the word of the Lord. Nathan did not give his own opinion and he didn’t berate David. He left room for the Holy Spirit to convict.

So, what is meant by the statement, “Be a Nathan?” We are responsible as believers to lovingly confront sin in the lives of other believers. As the world has continued to beat the drum of tolerance, the church has conceded. We have sinned by allowing immorality to not only be tolerated but also to be paraded. We have pacified ourselves under the mantra of love for our own comfort all the while the name of Christ is being blasphemed.

Now that we have seen an Old Testament example of confrontation of sin, what does the New Testament have to say? In his first letter to the Corinthian church, Paul addresses a situation of immorality within the church among one of its members. In 1 Cor. 5: 1-13, Paul is instructing them on how to deal with sin among believers. In verses 11a, 12b, 13b, Paul says this, “I wrote to you not to associate with any so-called brother if he is an immoral person. Do you not judge those who are within the church? Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.”

Girls, unbelievers are to be evangelized but believers who claim the name of Christ and are practicing unrepentant sin are to be confronted. Not for the purpose of pointing out someone’s failures, not for the satisfaction of being able to say, “I told you so” but for the purpose of maintaining purity within the bride of Christ so that the name of the Lord is not shamed. Sin is serious business in my life and in yours. Sin cost the precious Lamb of God His life. We should be jealous for the costly blood that was shed to pay for our sin and for the name that is above every name; our Savior, our bridegroom, our Life and our Resurrection!

Have you ever felt righteous anger? Have you ever been jealous for the name of the Lord? I’m talking about seeing purity in the church, purity among the people who claim the name of Christ and a hatred of sin that defiles everything it touches. Paul said, “a little leaven leavens the whole lump.” In modern day terminology you would say, “you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas.” In other words, there is no such thing as a little sin. Sin contaminates everything. Just as it only takes a drop of poison to make water that was once pure, deadly; such is the nature of sin.

I write all of this to spur each of us on to restore our sisters in Christ to a purity of life that is for their good and for God’s glory. When we confront for the purpose of restoration we are doing right by our sisters: “If your sister sins, go and show her her fault IN PRIVATE; if she listens to you, you have won your sister” (Matt. 18:15).

In closing, I want to point out a few things that are necessary in the understanding of what it does and does not look like to “be a Nathan” (all taken from the context of Matthew 18):

1) Check your own heart first! Confronting another believer over sin is so serious that scripture warns us to watch ourselves lest we fall into temptation. This is not a time for you to wave the banner of the “brutality of rightness”. This is what I mean – if it would bring you joy to confront this person over their sin then you are not the one to go! The person who is almost sick over it should be the one. It should grieve you to have to confront this sister and you should solely be motivated by love. Is your motive to tear down or restore?

2)The goal should always be restoration! When the shepherd pursues the lost sheep that has gone astray, he is seeking to restore that sheep to the fold. When Nathan confronted David, David’s response is a picture of what we should be praying and hoping will occur. David immediately repented and was restored. This is why David, even though his sins were great, was called, “a man after God’s own heart.” David was always contrite over his sin and moved quickly to repent. Psalm 51 is his response to this confrontation by Nathan. Oh that all would go this way and be restored!

3)Stick to the truth of scripture. You must be able to have a biblical basis for the sin.

4)DO NOT confront on hearsay!!
Scripture says to go PRIVATELY! The first time you confront it should be done in private. This is not a time for majority rules, a gossip session or strength in numbers. The good of the person you are confronting should be the primary concern – not your pride.

5)Lastly and most important, leave room for the Holy Spirit! Often times we expect immediate responses of conviction like David. Sometimes that happens but most often there is anger as an initial response. Do your part but then you must leave conviction to the Holy Spirit and timing of God. I have seen people who are confronted and years later are broken and repentant. Never underestimate God’s providence.

Is this hard? Yes! Does this take courage? Yes! Is this pleasing to the Lord? Yes! The hard thing is more often than not the right thing! Be a Nathan, ladies, be a Nathan!