Raising kids grants you a new and different perspective in life. You not only see their sinful nature but your own as well. Case in point: girl politics. In other words, social etiquette for navigating the rocky seas of growing up female! If you are of the XX chromosomal gene pool and you have drawn breath past the age of two then you are keenly aware of what I am about to say. Having been highly feminine, overly sensitive and ridiculously dramatic since birth I have charted the tumultuous waters of friendship with many lessons learned! This proves invaluable in the present raising of one identical offspring, age nine.
I anxiously waited for the day when she would come home and reveal her first experience with this ugly reality. I hoped against hope that it would not come. I tried to forecast my own reaction. Would I become the over protective, helicopter Mom, swooping in to fight her fight, right the wrong and set the record straight? Would I take the blame off of her shoulders and commiserate with her about the inconsiderate, mean girl? Would I help her plot revenge with a scathing comeback or a party without an extended invitation? Well, if I’m honest (and I have to be honest since this is a Christian blog) I thought about all of these and then some. Fortunately, thanks be to God, I didn’t share my thoughts with my daughter! Although, I suppose she had the same thoughts as well.
However, when the day came, I found myself, surprisingly, removed from the emotion of the situation and doing the very opposite of what I had ever expected: I corrected her. I first determined with my feminine superpowers that quite possibly my daughter might be coloring the story from her perspective for my benefit. I know most women don’t ever do that but I thought just maybe…
After much interrogation about how the whole scenario went down I came to the conclusion that both my daughter and the other girl were at fault. Usually insult begets insult. So, I immediately addressed her actions rather than the other party. Why? Because her actions are what she is responsible for; they are what she can control. As we began to talk she immediately began to excuse her words based on the other girl. This would be affectionately known as the “blame game”. “If she hadn’t said _____, then I wouldn’t have said _____.” We have an affinity for this in our species. Ask any man alive and he would most likely say that it is ALWAYS his fault!
I quickly brought the conversation to a halt, prayed silently for godly wisdom and began to think of what scripture requires of us. Lest you think that scripture is silent about girl politics, I am here to tell you, thankfully, it is not! First, we are told to love our neighbor as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Secondly, we are told not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to but to esteem others above ourselves (Rom. 12:3;16). Thirdly, we are told, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Rom. 12:18). Lastly, we are told not to repay evil for evil but repay evil with good (I Thess. 5:15).
Yep, it’s all there in black and white. But the thing that struck me as more important than the actual instruction was the silent, understood “you”. In other words, these are imperatives, not declaratives or suggestions. We could rephrase them this way: YOU love your neighbor as yourself. YOU esteem others above yourself. YOU live at peace with everyone. YOU repay evil with good. You see, there are no contingencies here. There is never a time when we are dependent upon the actions of someone else in order for us to fulfill these instructions. These are not if/then, cause/effect reactions.
So, in addressing the sticky, hurtful, emotional and often confusing world of growing up with girls I put the oneness back on her; which then caused me to put the oneness back on myself. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when the other person is wrong but I’m not responsible for them, I’m responsible for me. You are responsible for you. She is responsible for herself. I often tell me daughter, “When you get to heaven Jesus isn’t going to ask you to answer for anyone else but He is going to ask you to answer for you.” Of course that is a simplistic way of looking at it but it helps her to understand three valuable lessons: 1) she must keep her eyes on herself, 2) her mouth CLOSED and 3) minding her own business. Scripture says that plain and clear in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “make it your ambition to lead a QUIET life and attend to your OWN business..” Ha! Don’t you just love scripture? I need that plastered to the walls of my brain! How about you??
We were talking the other day and I tried to clear up some of the muddiness for her (and me) by saying this: “You are going to have bad days, so are other people; give them grace. You will not like everyone and everyone will not like you; be kind, give them love.” I think it spoke to me more than it spoke to her!
Ladies, Jesus never commanded us to like everyone but He did command us to love everyone. By nature we are offenders and we are offend-ed and offend-ing all the time. It is so important that we do the right thing and teach our girls to do the same. We need to love with the love of Christ, forgive, forbear and just let some things go. Lastly, sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut! If I have said it once to her I have said it a thousand times, “As women, our mouths will get us in trouble more than anything else!”
In closing, read Romans 12: 9-21 for guidance in girl politics for your girls…and for yourselves because little bees grow up to be queens and things don’t change much in the hive! Amen!!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Post-resurrection Etiquette
Wow! What a weekend! Sleepovers, food, Easter egg hunts, food, sunrise service, food, worship service and more food – do you see a pattern? It has been a wonderful, filling weekend of rest, reflection and retreat. I can think of no better time to pause from work and the day to day busyness than to celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. There is indeed something within that most divine work of redemption that begs us to give pause in our lives.
But today is Monday. Some of you have an additional day off from work which if your company is “p.c.” they are now calling a “spring” holiday. Others are headed back to the daily grind and it is just another week that we hope goes by quickly so that we can welcome our weekend as soon as possible.
We will hurriedly turn our attention from the empty tomb to the empty pocket book, the empty fridge, the empty house, the empty marriage, the empty self, forgetting all that has taken place over the weekend. We will forget the grief of Calvary and the celebration of a stone rolled away. Soon enough the high of the worship will fade and the cares of life will snatch away our Easter joy. How fickle we are; fickle and forgetful.
The nation of Israel was successful in proving this long before there ever was an Easter. God knew that they would soon forget all that He had done for them so He constantly admonished them to “Remember, remember and do not forget.” But even this would not be enough so God in His gracious love provided ceremonies and rituals that would serve as reminders to His people of what He had done for them. Not only that, but He foretold a beautiful story through each event of what He would do for them through their Messiah who was to come.
They were to be perpetual reminders. We can see numerous examples in scripture from the memorial altars to the feasts and the temple sacrifices. All these serve as a clarion call to remember the “Lord your God” consistently throughout the year. They were also to be generational reminders. The Lord instructed them to tell their children so that the greatness of God toward His people would never be forgotten. They were to be attesting reminders. In the fourth chapter of Joshua, after Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground, God instructed them to set up stones as a reminder of the miracle He had performed there so “that all of the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” These observances also served as a witness to pagan nations about the One True God.
The most important of all feasts was the feast of Passover. God instituted this feast upon the return of Israel from their exile in Egypt. God says in Exodus 12: 42: “It is a night to be observed for the Lord for having brought them out from the land of Egypt: this night is for the Lord, to be observed by all the sons of Israel throughout their generations.” Every year the entire nation was to cease from everyday tasks and travel to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Keep in mind this is long before the days of Delta and Greyhound. This was in the days of Israeli Foot-lines and Donkey Saddle-ways. You didn’t hop on your donkey on Friday, spend a long weekend in Jerusalem and head back home on Monday. The journey, depending on where you lived, could take days. It took time and preparation and EFFORT to celebrate Passover.
Then, depending on your time to get home, you had opportunity to meditate on what had occurred.
Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples the night before His crucifixion. At that time He established a new ordinance; the Lord’s Supper. Jesus was putting an end to the old covenant that had been established by the law. But, by His death, He would institute a new covenant with His blood. Likewise, He left us a reminder of His new covenant in The Lord’s Supper. He told His disciples, “This do in REMEMBRANCE of Me.” Jesus was creating a new ceremony that serves as a perpetual reminder to us of His work on the cross. However, He doesn’t stop there. In His time with the disciples that evening He encourages them by telling them that He will not “drink of this of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes” (Luke 22: 18). Jesus is letting them know that He is coming again.
You see, the disciples had heard all that Jesus had to say about His death but they didn’t fully believe it. Many of them didn’t even believe that He had risen from the dead until they saw His resurrected body. But He continued to promise them that He would come again for them. Eventually they believed and the evidence was visible. It says in the last verse of Luke that they “were continually in the temple praising God.” The resurrection had changed their lives! It wouldn’t take long after Pentecost to see how deeply the resurrection had impacted them. Each of them boldly proclaimed the truth of what they had seen. Each of them endured continual persecution and all but one died martyrs deaths.
Do you think when the first Easter rolled around on their calendar that they celebrated for the weekend and then picked up on Monday where they had left off on Thursday? Do you think that they celebrated the Lord’s Supper, sang a few hymns, made their token visit to the temple and then got on with life? No! These men lived every day after the resurrection for the gospel, in remembrance of Christ. Their lives were offerings and sweet smelling sacrifices to God for His final and complete work on the cross. Mostly, they lived with the end in mind. They lived with a sense of urgency and kingdom perspective knowing that Jesus was coming again. Do you?
So today is Monday and unless God deems otherwise we are still here and the Master’s coming is not yet at hand. How will you live today in light of the imminent return of Christ? The tomb is empty. He is risen and oh yes, He is coming again. Will you live with the same sense of urgency, the same gospel centrality, the same kingdom mindset or will you be as the servant, who when His Master returned He found him eating and drinking, distracted by the cares of his heart? To which the Jesus states, “and that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required” (Luke 12:47;48b)
In ancient cultures slaves would set the table for each meal much like we would today. After bringing plates and goblets they would finish the place setting with a cloth to be used to wipe one’s face, hands and beard. If the master at anytime got up during the meal the servant could determine based on the cloth whether or not the master was finished. If the cloth was waded up and tossed to the side then this indicated that the master was done. If the cloth was folded and laid aside this indicated he was coming back.
In the recount of the resurrection John 20:6-7 reads “And so Simon Peter also came, following him and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings but folded up in a place by itself.” Our Master is coming back. The grave said so, the Word says so and Jesus Himself said so. What will be your post-resurrection etiquette? Will you heed the reminder or will you foolishly assume that the Master is busy with other things? “Therefore, be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42).
But today is Monday. Some of you have an additional day off from work which if your company is “p.c.” they are now calling a “spring” holiday. Others are headed back to the daily grind and it is just another week that we hope goes by quickly so that we can welcome our weekend as soon as possible.
We will hurriedly turn our attention from the empty tomb to the empty pocket book, the empty fridge, the empty house, the empty marriage, the empty self, forgetting all that has taken place over the weekend. We will forget the grief of Calvary and the celebration of a stone rolled away. Soon enough the high of the worship will fade and the cares of life will snatch away our Easter joy. How fickle we are; fickle and forgetful.
The nation of Israel was successful in proving this long before there ever was an Easter. God knew that they would soon forget all that He had done for them so He constantly admonished them to “Remember, remember and do not forget.” But even this would not be enough so God in His gracious love provided ceremonies and rituals that would serve as reminders to His people of what He had done for them. Not only that, but He foretold a beautiful story through each event of what He would do for them through their Messiah who was to come.
They were to be perpetual reminders. We can see numerous examples in scripture from the memorial altars to the feasts and the temple sacrifices. All these serve as a clarion call to remember the “Lord your God” consistently throughout the year. They were also to be generational reminders. The Lord instructed them to tell their children so that the greatness of God toward His people would never be forgotten. They were to be attesting reminders. In the fourth chapter of Joshua, after Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground, God instructed them to set up stones as a reminder of the miracle He had performed there so “that all of the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” These observances also served as a witness to pagan nations about the One True God.
The most important of all feasts was the feast of Passover. God instituted this feast upon the return of Israel from their exile in Egypt. God says in Exodus 12: 42: “It is a night to be observed for the Lord for having brought them out from the land of Egypt: this night is for the Lord, to be observed by all the sons of Israel throughout their generations.” Every year the entire nation was to cease from everyday tasks and travel to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Keep in mind this is long before the days of Delta and Greyhound. This was in the days of Israeli Foot-lines and Donkey Saddle-ways. You didn’t hop on your donkey on Friday, spend a long weekend in Jerusalem and head back home on Monday. The journey, depending on where you lived, could take days. It took time and preparation and EFFORT to celebrate Passover.
Then, depending on your time to get home, you had opportunity to meditate on what had occurred.
Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples the night before His crucifixion. At that time He established a new ordinance; the Lord’s Supper. Jesus was putting an end to the old covenant that had been established by the law. But, by His death, He would institute a new covenant with His blood. Likewise, He left us a reminder of His new covenant in The Lord’s Supper. He told His disciples, “This do in REMEMBRANCE of Me.” Jesus was creating a new ceremony that serves as a perpetual reminder to us of His work on the cross. However, He doesn’t stop there. In His time with the disciples that evening He encourages them by telling them that He will not “drink of this of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes” (Luke 22: 18). Jesus is letting them know that He is coming again.
You see, the disciples had heard all that Jesus had to say about His death but they didn’t fully believe it. Many of them didn’t even believe that He had risen from the dead until they saw His resurrected body. But He continued to promise them that He would come again for them. Eventually they believed and the evidence was visible. It says in the last verse of Luke that they “were continually in the temple praising God.” The resurrection had changed their lives! It wouldn’t take long after Pentecost to see how deeply the resurrection had impacted them. Each of them boldly proclaimed the truth of what they had seen. Each of them endured continual persecution and all but one died martyrs deaths.
Do you think when the first Easter rolled around on their calendar that they celebrated for the weekend and then picked up on Monday where they had left off on Thursday? Do you think that they celebrated the Lord’s Supper, sang a few hymns, made their token visit to the temple and then got on with life? No! These men lived every day after the resurrection for the gospel, in remembrance of Christ. Their lives were offerings and sweet smelling sacrifices to God for His final and complete work on the cross. Mostly, they lived with the end in mind. They lived with a sense of urgency and kingdom perspective knowing that Jesus was coming again. Do you?
So today is Monday and unless God deems otherwise we are still here and the Master’s coming is not yet at hand. How will you live today in light of the imminent return of Christ? The tomb is empty. He is risen and oh yes, He is coming again. Will you live with the same sense of urgency, the same gospel centrality, the same kingdom mindset or will you be as the servant, who when His Master returned He found him eating and drinking, distracted by the cares of his heart? To which the Jesus states, “and that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required” (Luke 12:47;48b)
In ancient cultures slaves would set the table for each meal much like we would today. After bringing plates and goblets they would finish the place setting with a cloth to be used to wipe one’s face, hands and beard. If the master at anytime got up during the meal the servant could determine based on the cloth whether or not the master was finished. If the cloth was waded up and tossed to the side then this indicated that the master was done. If the cloth was folded and laid aside this indicated he was coming back.
In the recount of the resurrection John 20:6-7 reads “And so Simon Peter also came, following him and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings but folded up in a place by itself.” Our Master is coming back. The grave said so, the Word says so and Jesus Himself said so. What will be your post-resurrection etiquette? Will you heed the reminder or will you foolishly assume that the Master is busy with other things? “Therefore, be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42).
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Choosing Forgiveness: It Is Finished!
I can hardly believe that our time together is over! We have journeyed long and hard through forgiveness and hopefully we find ourselves in a new found freedom. How appropriate that we arrive at freedom on the day that reminds us of the work that purchased our forgiveness, our freedom. We are each Barabbas, the guilty criminal, who has been freed and Jesus goes to take our place!
I stated at the outset that forgiveness is never easy and the deeper the hurt, the harder it is to grant forgiveness. We have comfort in the fact that Jesus knows the pain of forgiveness. The very reason that we celebrate instead of lament over the crucifixion is because it secures our forgiveness. It cost God the Son His life to atone for our sins and even make forgiveness a possibility. Even as Jesus hung dying He left us an example in the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
We tend to hear these words and believe that there was something divine within Christ that overrode His humanity. We tell ourselves that this was Jesus, Son of God who made these statements rather than Jesus, Son of Man. For surely no man could look at His murderers, seeing their hatred and utter such words of compassion. J.C. Ryle wrote, “These words were probably spoken as our Lord was being nailed to the cross, or as soon as the cross was reared up on end. It is a worthy remark that as soon as the blood of the Great Sacrifice began to flow, the great High Priest began to intercede.”
I can scarcely contain emotion over that thought. At the moment when the full agony of the cross became a reality, when the post was dropped with a jarring blow into the ground and the weight of His body was borne by the nails through His wrists and feet, He thought not of revenge but of forgiveness. He thought not of Himself but of His enemies. Enemies that could now be made friends; not just friends but sons, daughters and heirs…by grace through faith in the cross alone.
He thought of the men who had scourged Him with a whip that had shards of bone and metal woven into its strands. He thought of those who had mocked Him placing a faded purple robe and a crown of thorns on His head. He thought of those who cursed Him and hurled insults, blasphemed and derided Him. He thought of those who drove the spikes into His flesh, gambled for His clothes and offered Him nothing but vinegar to quench His thirst…and He thought of you and me. He thought of every sin that had ever been committed since the fall in the garden and every sin that would ever be committed until He comes to judge the living and the dead.
You see, up to this point in history the only atonement for sin was a temporary covering by the blood of animals. The slaughter never stopped. Year after year, thousands of people traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Year after year, ¼ million lambs were sacrificed between Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. It is estimated that it took 600 priests killing 4 lambs a minute in order to accomplish this bloody task. Can you even imagine the scene? The sight? The sound? All of this because sin must be dealt with, somehow, some way…
Was it up to God to make a way for Him to forgive us? Was it up to Him to atone for our sin? Death is the just penalty for our sin yet grace makes a way for life and life eternal. Jesus bore the just penalty that belongs to me and to you for our sins. He bore it as a perfect, spotless Lamb; the very pet Lamb of God. On that Friday when the priests were making preparation to begin their work, in the distance Jesus cried, “It is finished!” There was no need for them to even go to work that
day. The Great High Priest had made intercession ONCE, for all.
Jesus came to do the work of Prophet, Priest and King but He also came to be the prophecy, the sacrifice and the kingdom. Every day of His earthly life pointed to the day when He would be the sacrificial lamb, the atoning sacrifice, the amelioration for our sins. His ministry was the ministry of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration…
As we close out our week and as the sun sets on this Sabbath Day I hope that you will marvel at the darkness that overtook the earth 2000 years ago, the earthquake that broke the ground apart and the power that tore the temple veil from top to bottom. The price for sin had been paid. Forgiveness had been secured and the lamb lay slain for you and for me. The blood was plentiful, pure and precious.
What would you hold on to that is more grievous than this? What is the prison that is so tightly sealed that the freedom of Calvary cannot penetrate? What is the darkness that blinds you from the sunrise of Easter morning? Take your burdens to the cross and leave them there. Hear your Savior saying, “Father, forgive her, she knows not what she does” and then go and do likewise.
I stated at the outset that forgiveness is never easy and the deeper the hurt, the harder it is to grant forgiveness. We have comfort in the fact that Jesus knows the pain of forgiveness. The very reason that we celebrate instead of lament over the crucifixion is because it secures our forgiveness. It cost God the Son His life to atone for our sins and even make forgiveness a possibility. Even as Jesus hung dying He left us an example in the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”
We tend to hear these words and believe that there was something divine within Christ that overrode His humanity. We tell ourselves that this was Jesus, Son of God who made these statements rather than Jesus, Son of Man. For surely no man could look at His murderers, seeing their hatred and utter such words of compassion. J.C. Ryle wrote, “These words were probably spoken as our Lord was being nailed to the cross, or as soon as the cross was reared up on end. It is a worthy remark that as soon as the blood of the Great Sacrifice began to flow, the great High Priest began to intercede.”
I can scarcely contain emotion over that thought. At the moment when the full agony of the cross became a reality, when the post was dropped with a jarring blow into the ground and the weight of His body was borne by the nails through His wrists and feet, He thought not of revenge but of forgiveness. He thought not of Himself but of His enemies. Enemies that could now be made friends; not just friends but sons, daughters and heirs…by grace through faith in the cross alone.
He thought of the men who had scourged Him with a whip that had shards of bone and metal woven into its strands. He thought of those who had mocked Him placing a faded purple robe and a crown of thorns on His head. He thought of those who cursed Him and hurled insults, blasphemed and derided Him. He thought of those who drove the spikes into His flesh, gambled for His clothes and offered Him nothing but vinegar to quench His thirst…and He thought of you and me. He thought of every sin that had ever been committed since the fall in the garden and every sin that would ever be committed until He comes to judge the living and the dead.
You see, up to this point in history the only atonement for sin was a temporary covering by the blood of animals. The slaughter never stopped. Year after year, thousands of people traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Year after year, ¼ million lambs were sacrificed between Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. It is estimated that it took 600 priests killing 4 lambs a minute in order to accomplish this bloody task. Can you even imagine the scene? The sight? The sound? All of this because sin must be dealt with, somehow, some way…
Was it up to God to make a way for Him to forgive us? Was it up to Him to atone for our sin? Death is the just penalty for our sin yet grace makes a way for life and life eternal. Jesus bore the just penalty that belongs to me and to you for our sins. He bore it as a perfect, spotless Lamb; the very pet Lamb of God. On that Friday when the priests were making preparation to begin their work, in the distance Jesus cried, “It is finished!” There was no need for them to even go to work that
day. The Great High Priest had made intercession ONCE, for all.
Jesus came to do the work of Prophet, Priest and King but He also came to be the prophecy, the sacrifice and the kingdom. Every day of His earthly life pointed to the day when He would be the sacrificial lamb, the atoning sacrifice, the amelioration for our sins. His ministry was the ministry of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration…
As we close out our week and as the sun sets on this Sabbath Day I hope that you will marvel at the darkness that overtook the earth 2000 years ago, the earthquake that broke the ground apart and the power that tore the temple veil from top to bottom. The price for sin had been paid. Forgiveness had been secured and the lamb lay slain for you and for me. The blood was plentiful, pure and precious.
What would you hold on to that is more grievous than this? What is the prison that is so tightly sealed that the freedom of Calvary cannot penetrate? What is the darkness that blinds you from the sunrise of Easter morning? Take your burdens to the cross and leave them there. Hear your Savior saying, “Father, forgive her, she knows not what she does” and then go and do likewise.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Choosing Forgiveness: Day Eight
Wow! Ladies, we have covered a lot of ground together in the last two weeks. It is hard to believe that it is almost over but we still have some work to do before we close the door on this subject. Forgiveness is such a formidable topic. It literally spans the entire canon of scripture and it is an issue that affects anyone and everyone. Not only that, it can be such a sensitive issue, but thankfully, I am not relying on my own opinions. My opinions carry no power, effectiveness or transforming abilities but thankfully the Word of God is “living, active and sharper than any two-edged sword!”
Girls, the Word of God is totally able to give you a command, equip you to follow through with it and make it stick! The freedom that God is calling you to in choosing forgiveness is real and accessible. Reach out and grab it with both hands and don’t let go!
We left off yesterday with the unfortunate reality that forgiveness is not always a restoration in relationship. I have heard it said before that sometimes you have to part with the cross between you. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the wise counsel of Pastors, Elders and friends in deciding to terminate a relationship that is not God-honoring.
Let’s pick up where we left off:
9)Forgiveness IS good for the body of Christ
Unforgiveness in the body of Christ causes dissension. Have you ever been caught in the middle of two church members who are mad at each other? Is there anything messier and more disgusting then the way these things play out? You’ve got both sides constantly trying to drag others in, always telling their side of the story in order to persuade someone to jump on their bandwagon and overall sucking the Spirit right out of the fellowship. It’s enough to make you want to hurt somebody! And obviously hurting somebody isn’t good for the body of Christ…
A little levity is always good but the truth is that forgiveness restores unity and unity among God’s people is always the ideal! Hebrews 12:14-15, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we choose to harbor unforgiveness and bitterness results MANY become defiled. So, we are to strive for peace with everyone. Selah, girls, selah!
10)Forgiveness IS a spiritual war
There is a great battle going on between the kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness and these battles are fought daily when we choose to forgive or not to forgive. We cannot be ignorant when it comes to our enemy and the tactics he employs! When we withhold forgiveness we begin to see flesh and blood as our enemy. But scripture tells us that we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood. If Satan can get us to hate an unbeliever than we will never share the gospel with them. Likewise, if he can get us to hate a believer then he can cause dissension. Either way, we are rendered ineffective for the kingdom of God. The joke is really on us and we end up losing on all fronts.
I often remind myself when I am easily offended to “consider the source”. Let me explain. If Satan is our arch enemy and we wrestle not against flesh and blood then how is it that we end up fighting with flesh and blood? Do you realize that unbelievers are energized by Satan? Although that statement sounds harsh Jesus Himself said that unbelievers are “of [their] father, the devil. You cannot expect unbelievers to have the same capacity or really any capacity for forgiveness because they have not known the infinite forgiveness of Christ. They are dead and unable to do the things that would lead to restoration.
On the other hand, believers often cooperate with Satan. Even though they can’t be possessed, they can be oppressed by him. Remember we are all sanctified in various times, in various ways and at various speeds. More often than not, sanctification is a lot slower process than we would like it to be. You cannot expect all believers to be on the same “spiritual plain”. It would be best for us all to adopt the mantra: forgive, forbear, restore!
You know, it is exhausting to be consumed with retribution and it is generally never enough. There is such freedom in forgiveness. Don’t you see the deception of Satan here to keep us in bondage to a hurt? He keeps us so bound up that we can’t move on and if we can’t move on then we can’t fulfill the purpose God has for us. We can live wasted lives in unforgiveness. We carry the grudge, nursing it, petting it, feeding it. Now do you begin to see why forgiveness is good – the alternative can be totally consuming! It can take over our lives!
The last basic of forgiveness leads us into our next aspect: Forgiveness IS giving a blessing.
In 1 Peter 3:8-12 we are taught that we are called to give a blessing. In contrast to the world, we do not repay evil for evil. At first glance that seems hard enough but once again, scripture goes beyond what seems good for what is above and beyond. Rather than settle for not repaying evil with evil we are called to bless instead!
The word blessing here is used as a verb and it means “to speak well of, to eulogize.” Examples of blessing our enemies would be:
- Finding ways to serve her.
- Praying for her salvation or spiritual progress
- Expressing thankfulness for her
- Speaking well of her
- Desiring her well-being
(1 Peter 2:23; Lev. 19:18; Luke 6:38; Prov. 20:22)
Why? Because we are called for the purpose of inheriting a blessing. We are to be mindful of the great blessing of salvation rather than judgment. We should pursue the blessing we will receive in giving a free gift of forgiveness to someone who has wronged us!
Ladies, I know this is hard! Believe me, this is hard to do when you like someone much less when you consider them an enemy. I think the key in all of this is trusting in the grace of God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and then believing that if He has commanded it then it must be for our good. I do not believe that the Lord has anything but our very best in mind. The problem comes in the discomfort that is required to get to the very best.
In 1850, Florence May Chadwick successfully swam the English Channel and broke the then-current world record. Two years later, she attempted to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California. As she began, she was flanked by small boats that watched for sharks and were prepared to help her if she became wearied or injured. After about 15 hours a thick fog set in. Florence began to doubt her ability, and she told her mother, who was in one of the boats, that she didn’t think she could make it. She swam for another hour before asking to be pulled out, unable to see the coastline due to the fog. As she sat in the boat, she found out she had stopped swimming just one mile away from her destination. Two months later, Chadwick tried again. However,this time was different. The same thick fog set in, but she persevered to the shore. When asked what was different she said that she kept a mental image of the shoreline in her mind while she swam.
Don’t give up for the fog! Fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith and swim the distance to freedom in forgiveness! Trust in the One who says the waters will not overtake you. Trust in the One who has purchased your pardon; He is ready to enable you to pardon even the most grievous offenses so that you can be free!
Girls, the Word of God is totally able to give you a command, equip you to follow through with it and make it stick! The freedom that God is calling you to in choosing forgiveness is real and accessible. Reach out and grab it with both hands and don’t let go!
We left off yesterday with the unfortunate reality that forgiveness is not always a restoration in relationship. I have heard it said before that sometimes you have to part with the cross between you. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the wise counsel of Pastors, Elders and friends in deciding to terminate a relationship that is not God-honoring.
Let’s pick up where we left off:
9)Forgiveness IS good for the body of Christ
Unforgiveness in the body of Christ causes dissension. Have you ever been caught in the middle of two church members who are mad at each other? Is there anything messier and more disgusting then the way these things play out? You’ve got both sides constantly trying to drag others in, always telling their side of the story in order to persuade someone to jump on their bandwagon and overall sucking the Spirit right out of the fellowship. It’s enough to make you want to hurt somebody! And obviously hurting somebody isn’t good for the body of Christ…
A little levity is always good but the truth is that forgiveness restores unity and unity among God’s people is always the ideal! Hebrews 12:14-15, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we choose to harbor unforgiveness and bitterness results MANY become defiled. So, we are to strive for peace with everyone. Selah, girls, selah!
10)Forgiveness IS a spiritual war
There is a great battle going on between the kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness and these battles are fought daily when we choose to forgive or not to forgive. We cannot be ignorant when it comes to our enemy and the tactics he employs! When we withhold forgiveness we begin to see flesh and blood as our enemy. But scripture tells us that we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood. If Satan can get us to hate an unbeliever than we will never share the gospel with them. Likewise, if he can get us to hate a believer then he can cause dissension. Either way, we are rendered ineffective for the kingdom of God. The joke is really on us and we end up losing on all fronts.
I often remind myself when I am easily offended to “consider the source”. Let me explain. If Satan is our arch enemy and we wrestle not against flesh and blood then how is it that we end up fighting with flesh and blood? Do you realize that unbelievers are energized by Satan? Although that statement sounds harsh Jesus Himself said that unbelievers are “of [their] father, the devil. You cannot expect unbelievers to have the same capacity or really any capacity for forgiveness because they have not known the infinite forgiveness of Christ. They are dead and unable to do the things that would lead to restoration.
On the other hand, believers often cooperate with Satan. Even though they can’t be possessed, they can be oppressed by him. Remember we are all sanctified in various times, in various ways and at various speeds. More often than not, sanctification is a lot slower process than we would like it to be. You cannot expect all believers to be on the same “spiritual plain”. It would be best for us all to adopt the mantra: forgive, forbear, restore!
You know, it is exhausting to be consumed with retribution and it is generally never enough. There is such freedom in forgiveness. Don’t you see the deception of Satan here to keep us in bondage to a hurt? He keeps us so bound up that we can’t move on and if we can’t move on then we can’t fulfill the purpose God has for us. We can live wasted lives in unforgiveness. We carry the grudge, nursing it, petting it, feeding it. Now do you begin to see why forgiveness is good – the alternative can be totally consuming! It can take over our lives!
The last basic of forgiveness leads us into our next aspect: Forgiveness IS giving a blessing.
In 1 Peter 3:8-12 we are taught that we are called to give a blessing. In contrast to the world, we do not repay evil for evil. At first glance that seems hard enough but once again, scripture goes beyond what seems good for what is above and beyond. Rather than settle for not repaying evil with evil we are called to bless instead!
The word blessing here is used as a verb and it means “to speak well of, to eulogize.” Examples of blessing our enemies would be:
- Finding ways to serve her.
- Praying for her salvation or spiritual progress
- Expressing thankfulness for her
- Speaking well of her
- Desiring her well-being
(1 Peter 2:23; Lev. 19:18; Luke 6:38; Prov. 20:22)
Why? Because we are called for the purpose of inheriting a blessing. We are to be mindful of the great blessing of salvation rather than judgment. We should pursue the blessing we will receive in giving a free gift of forgiveness to someone who has wronged us!
Ladies, I know this is hard! Believe me, this is hard to do when you like someone much less when you consider them an enemy. I think the key in all of this is trusting in the grace of God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and then believing that if He has commanded it then it must be for our good. I do not believe that the Lord has anything but our very best in mind. The problem comes in the discomfort that is required to get to the very best.
In 1850, Florence May Chadwick successfully swam the English Channel and broke the then-current world record. Two years later, she attempted to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California. As she began, she was flanked by small boats that watched for sharks and were prepared to help her if she became wearied or injured. After about 15 hours a thick fog set in. Florence began to doubt her ability, and she told her mother, who was in one of the boats, that she didn’t think she could make it. She swam for another hour before asking to be pulled out, unable to see the coastline due to the fog. As she sat in the boat, she found out she had stopped swimming just one mile away from her destination. Two months later, Chadwick tried again. However,this time was different. The same thick fog set in, but she persevered to the shore. When asked what was different she said that she kept a mental image of the shoreline in her mind while she swam.
Don’t give up for the fog! Fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith and swim the distance to freedom in forgiveness! Trust in the One who says the waters will not overtake you. Trust in the One who has purchased your pardon; He is ready to enable you to pardon even the most grievous offenses so that you can be free!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Choosing Forgiveness: Day Seven
Hang in there girls! Only three more days left! I mentioned way back on day one that it doesn’t take much living before we end up getting hurt, offended, betrayed etc; As women, we learn this all to early because we have a propensity towards sensitivity - shocker I know! I have a nine year old daughter and we are already in the throes of learning how to navigate hurt feelings and peaceable living. I have tried to emphasize to her that conflict is, unfortunately, a part of life. It is a sad commentary to a stark reality when we finally realize that we aren’t always going to get along. I am fond of telling her, “Not everyone is going to be your BFF.”
Besides, BFF is not the point. The point is loving your neighbor as yourself – not liking your neighbor as yourself. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. We have gotten ourselves hung up on feelings. We are focused on feeling sentimental towards others but this isn’t what loving our neighbor is all about. Loving our neighbor has to do with a deliberate set of choices and actions that are not based on our feelings. Feelings are a nice added bonus but they are not an accurate barometer on which to base our actions. I’ll say it again: You can’t always act how you feel! Can I get an amen?
Because of the brokenness of the world and the brokenness of everyone in it due to sin, we can expect to constantly be involved in a state of reconciliation with someone in our lives all the time; our spouses, our children, our neighbors, parents, siblings, other family members, co-workers, friends, our family in Christ and even people we may not know.
The word reconciliation denotes a change or an exchange; namely, to change from enmity to friendship. The concept of reconciliation is set forth in scripture out of 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21. Please take time to read these verses before you continue.
This passage gives us the basis of our reconciliation, our commission, which is the ministry of reconciliation and the training for our ministry which is the word of reconciliation. THEREFORE, we are ambassadors for Christ, God is appealing through every believer to an unbelieving world to be reconciled to God. Our lives should be lived in such a way that reconciliation is ever present in order that Jesus might be made much of!
An unbelieving world cannot see Christ but it can see believers living in a constant state of forgiveness even in the most severe circumstances. This is what causes people to take notice that something is different. This witnesses that the power of Christ within us is real and capable of transforming us into something other than what we should be! I am constantly proclaiming that “Jesus makes me who I am not!” I am conformed to the world without Jesus. I am bitter, threatened and greedy without Jesus. I am unable to forgive without Jesus.
Let’s spend the rest of today discussing what forgiveness is and isn’t:
1) Forgiveness IS the offend-ED going to the offend-ER.
What is normally our first reaction when someone has offended us? “Well I’m not speaking to her because she said such and such to me!” “I’m not going to her! It’s not my fault! Why should I be the one to go to her?” Now do you see why Jesus started with humility in Matthew 18? In the verses dealing with the offended brother the offended goes to the offender! Forgiveness is primarily the responsibility of the person who was hurt to go to the person who did the hurting. Why? Well, first because Christ left us an example! He came to us as the offended! He died for us as the offenders! The offended gave Himself as a ransom for His offenders!! Secondly, there are times when people have hurt us and they simply have no clue! We may have been overly sensitive or perceived something the wrong way. So, rather than allowing a “root of bitterness” to spring up, scripture commands us to go to them (Heb. 12:15). This makes the offender aware of the offense and gives opportunity for mutual reconciliation.
2)Forgiveness IS NOT a feeling, it is a choice.
We have a hard time in western culture with understanding that we don’t have to like someone in order to forgive them or to love them as our neighbor. We think that if we don’t FEEL sentimental or loving towards someone than we shouldn’t forgive them or can’t love them. Superficial love and lust are closely associated but deep, abiding, persevering love that puts others above self, for the most part, is a deliberate choice. So is forgiveness. Choosing to do right by someone, to pray for them and give a blessing instead of a curse is a choice!
3)Forgiveness IS NOT letting the offender off the hook.
Isn’t this what we really want to know? What happens to that person if we choose to forgive? Does this make what they did okay? Does this mean that it didn’t hurt or wasn’t wrong? Forgiveness is not saying it doesn’t hurt or that you shouldn’t feel that hurt. Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened. That would be deception and God doesn’t want us to deceive or lie to ourselves. The cross happened…and it hurt!
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. The word of God never allows sin to go unpunished. God is a God of justice. It simply puts justice in the hands of the Righteous Judge! “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
4)Forgiveness IS treating the other person as if the sin never occurred in the first place.
It means never bringing it up to them or anyone else ever again (Prov. 17:9). It means not holding them to a payment for that offense.
5)Forgiveness IS a humble act.
Sometimes we parade forgiveness and make it into a self-righteous act. Again, forgiveness begins with a humble heart. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13: 4-5).
6)Forgiveness IS done in private.
In Matt. 18:15 we are instructed to go first to our sister privately…no gossip or dragging other people into it. Word to the wise ladies! Before you pick up the phone and start airing all of your grievances, humble yourself, check your heart and go quickly!
7)Forgiveness IS done quickly.
Go quickly so that anger does not fester. Scripture is clear that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Make sure you have your own heart in check and pray that the Lord will guide your words. Is your motive to rebuke or restore? Remember, restoration is the goal!
8)Forgiveness IS NOT always restoration of relationship.
What? Didn’t I just say that restoration is the goal? Yes! However, sometimes the other party will not receive us or will even be offended that we would confront them over a wrong. Other times we have a co-dependent relationship with someone that was forged in sinfulness that needs to be severed for the good of everyone involved. Forgiveness does not mean checking your brain at the door. Forgiveness is a pardon not a free pass to continue to repeatedly offended or abuse. There are some people that we need to stay away from because they are toxic. Jesus said whatever offends you or causes you to stumble pluck it out and cast it from you.
Well, we are off to a good start in discovering the basics of forgiveness. Tomorrow we will finish the basics and move on to the blessing of forgiveness. In the meantime I hope you are learning but I also hope you are putting your learning to the test. Knowledge is just knowledge until it is applied…then it becomes wisdom!
Besides, BFF is not the point. The point is loving your neighbor as yourself – not liking your neighbor as yourself. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. We have gotten ourselves hung up on feelings. We are focused on feeling sentimental towards others but this isn’t what loving our neighbor is all about. Loving our neighbor has to do with a deliberate set of choices and actions that are not based on our feelings. Feelings are a nice added bonus but they are not an accurate barometer on which to base our actions. I’ll say it again: You can’t always act how you feel! Can I get an amen?
Because of the brokenness of the world and the brokenness of everyone in it due to sin, we can expect to constantly be involved in a state of reconciliation with someone in our lives all the time; our spouses, our children, our neighbors, parents, siblings, other family members, co-workers, friends, our family in Christ and even people we may not know.
The word reconciliation denotes a change or an exchange; namely, to change from enmity to friendship. The concept of reconciliation is set forth in scripture out of 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21. Please take time to read these verses before you continue.
This passage gives us the basis of our reconciliation, our commission, which is the ministry of reconciliation and the training for our ministry which is the word of reconciliation. THEREFORE, we are ambassadors for Christ, God is appealing through every believer to an unbelieving world to be reconciled to God. Our lives should be lived in such a way that reconciliation is ever present in order that Jesus might be made much of!
An unbelieving world cannot see Christ but it can see believers living in a constant state of forgiveness even in the most severe circumstances. This is what causes people to take notice that something is different. This witnesses that the power of Christ within us is real and capable of transforming us into something other than what we should be! I am constantly proclaiming that “Jesus makes me who I am not!” I am conformed to the world without Jesus. I am bitter, threatened and greedy without Jesus. I am unable to forgive without Jesus.
Let’s spend the rest of today discussing what forgiveness is and isn’t:
1) Forgiveness IS the offend-ED going to the offend-ER.
What is normally our first reaction when someone has offended us? “Well I’m not speaking to her because she said such and such to me!” “I’m not going to her! It’s not my fault! Why should I be the one to go to her?” Now do you see why Jesus started with humility in Matthew 18? In the verses dealing with the offended brother the offended goes to the offender! Forgiveness is primarily the responsibility of the person who was hurt to go to the person who did the hurting. Why? Well, first because Christ left us an example! He came to us as the offended! He died for us as the offenders! The offended gave Himself as a ransom for His offenders!! Secondly, there are times when people have hurt us and they simply have no clue! We may have been overly sensitive or perceived something the wrong way. So, rather than allowing a “root of bitterness” to spring up, scripture commands us to go to them (Heb. 12:15). This makes the offender aware of the offense and gives opportunity for mutual reconciliation.
2)Forgiveness IS NOT a feeling, it is a choice.
We have a hard time in western culture with understanding that we don’t have to like someone in order to forgive them or to love them as our neighbor. We think that if we don’t FEEL sentimental or loving towards someone than we shouldn’t forgive them or can’t love them. Superficial love and lust are closely associated but deep, abiding, persevering love that puts others above self, for the most part, is a deliberate choice. So is forgiveness. Choosing to do right by someone, to pray for them and give a blessing instead of a curse is a choice!
3)Forgiveness IS NOT letting the offender off the hook.
Isn’t this what we really want to know? What happens to that person if we choose to forgive? Does this make what they did okay? Does this mean that it didn’t hurt or wasn’t wrong? Forgiveness is not saying it doesn’t hurt or that you shouldn’t feel that hurt. Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened. That would be deception and God doesn’t want us to deceive or lie to ourselves. The cross happened…and it hurt!
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. The word of God never allows sin to go unpunished. God is a God of justice. It simply puts justice in the hands of the Righteous Judge! “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)
4)Forgiveness IS treating the other person as if the sin never occurred in the first place.
It means never bringing it up to them or anyone else ever again (Prov. 17:9). It means not holding them to a payment for that offense.
5)Forgiveness IS a humble act.
Sometimes we parade forgiveness and make it into a self-righteous act. Again, forgiveness begins with a humble heart. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13: 4-5).
6)Forgiveness IS done in private.
In Matt. 18:15 we are instructed to go first to our sister privately…no gossip or dragging other people into it. Word to the wise ladies! Before you pick up the phone and start airing all of your grievances, humble yourself, check your heart and go quickly!
7)Forgiveness IS done quickly.
Go quickly so that anger does not fester. Scripture is clear that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Make sure you have your own heart in check and pray that the Lord will guide your words. Is your motive to rebuke or restore? Remember, restoration is the goal!
8)Forgiveness IS NOT always restoration of relationship.
What? Didn’t I just say that restoration is the goal? Yes! However, sometimes the other party will not receive us or will even be offended that we would confront them over a wrong. Other times we have a co-dependent relationship with someone that was forged in sinfulness that needs to be severed for the good of everyone involved. Forgiveness does not mean checking your brain at the door. Forgiveness is a pardon not a free pass to continue to repeatedly offended or abuse. There are some people that we need to stay away from because they are toxic. Jesus said whatever offends you or causes you to stumble pluck it out and cast it from you.
Well, we are off to a good start in discovering the basics of forgiveness. Tomorrow we will finish the basics and move on to the blessing of forgiveness. In the meantime I hope you are learning but I also hope you are putting your learning to the test. Knowledge is just knowledge until it is applied…then it becomes wisdom!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Choosing Forgiveness: Day Six
As spring rolls around I am once again reminded I’m not a gardener. I pretend to be a gardener, I long to be a gardener but alas, I am not. If it could grow regardless of water, sun or rocks then it works for me. If it requires preparing the soil, monitoring acidity and any general maintenance then I will kill it for sure! My dreams of being a gardening diva fade as each year goes by and the crops show little to no return. But, all is not lost because I have learned a few basic things, one being that soil preparation is probably the single biggest factor in yielding good results.
In the parable of the soils, Jesus talks about gardening as well, but this time He isn’t teaching about literal soil, He is teaching about hearts. Just as it takes favorable conditions to grow real fruit, it also takes favorable conditions to grow spiritual fruit. If the soil of our hearts is hard with unforgiveness there is only one kind of root that will survive; the root of bitterness. Let me explain.
Disappointment is birthed when we have unmet expectations. However, when disappointment goes unaddressed it leads to bitterness. Bitterness is a root that grows in the soil of unforgiveness. Bitterness can manifest itself in many ways but I think ultimately our bitterness, although directed at other people, is often a disappointment or anger with God. Do you follow me?
Maybe you know someone who is overcome with bitterness or maybe you have been that person. Maybe you are still that person and you don’t even realize it. You know, we go through life with certain expectations and the longer we live the more we realize that life rarely delivers on those expectations. Sometimes we think our expectations are simple and small comparatively. We aren’t asking for the world, we just want good health, good marriages, good jobs and children who love Jesus…and a vacation once a year, a somewhat sizeable shopping budget, a lovely home and chocolate with no calories! That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for in the grand scheme of things. Besides, all things are possible with God right?
So, why do we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations and then find ourselves reeling when the unrealistic doesn’t become reality? For this very reason: we have the expectation of the perfection of eternity in our hearts. This is the desire for all things to be perfect. Do you know why? Because this is what God created us to be! He created us to be perfect but we shattered that perfection in Genesis 3 and we have continued to shatter it every single day since then. However, the longing within our hearts remains. We know that there is something wrong with the world. We know that suffering, death, pain and betrayal are not the way things should be…so we live life in disappointment…and we simply do not know how to handle it.
I used to live in a constant state of expectation believing that if a few more things could fall into place then there would be a state of utopia in my life that nothing could touch. Sin makes that impossible. And so we, you and I, live disappointed and angry that life has not turned out the way we imagined. Then we let that disappointment fester and it makes us bitter women. We are jealous, we are envious, we are spiteful, we begrudge other people happiness and we become cold. We blame other people for our circumstances when in reality they have no power over our lives. True, some have been the cause of hurt or betrayal but above all there is One that is filtering those circumstances through His hands. When it comes down to it, the truth is, we are mad at God….although we may never admit it because it sounds like total heresy!
So, how do we deal with disappointment when we eventually discover we are angry with the Lord?
1)We must be very careful! God is holy and “other than” we are.
He is certainly big enough to handle our disappointments and anger but there is a fine line between genuine hurt and blasphemy.
2)We must realize that anger with God is short-sighted.
Do you remember the story of Joseph? Joseph couldn’t catch a break to save his life! Just about the time things seemed to quiet down for him, another trial hit. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongly accused of rape, imprisoned as an innocent man and forgotten by the man that could have quickly sealed his pardon! If we leave Joseph there we are hopeless and angry with God.
What about Naomi? She left Israel with her husband and 2 sons because of a famine and traveled to the pagan land of Moab. While she is there, her sons marry pagan women and her husband dies along with both of her sons. She is now in a foreign land, far from home with no family and a gaping hole of grief in her heart. When she returns to Bethlehem and the people see her coming from afar they say, “Look, it’s Naomi!” But she cries, “Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara” which means bitter. “I left here full and the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21)If we leave Naomi here we are disappointed and angry with the Lord.
If we go on to tell the story, Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth travel back to Israel where God supplies a kinsman redeemer in the man of Boaz to marry Ruth thereby securing heirs for Naomi’s family. Boaz begat Obed, Obed begat Jesse and Jesse begat David! Naomi was David’s great, great grandmother which ultimately placed her in the lineage of Christ! Her great, great grandson would sit on the throne of Israel as the greatest earthly king in Israel’s history and a man after God’s own heart!
Joseph is made 2nd in command over all of Egypt and because of a God-ordained famine his brothers are driven right to his door step. He chooses FORGIVENESS and God brings all of his family to Egypt in order to preserve them from extinction. Why? Because He is true to His promises! God called a people through the seed of Abraham and He faithfully preserved them through kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment! You might say, “Why?” “Why not just supernaturally bring them some food in Canaan without all of the tragedy with Jacob? Why not save this poor man some trouble!”
I cannot even pretend to answer why or know the mind of God but I do know this: it displayed the glory of God in greater ways than we could have imagined. You see, this is God’s ways being higher than our ways! In the end, Joseph said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good!” This is a man who believed God! This is a man who believed God was good! So, don’t be short-sighted! Even if you don’t see it, God is working it out! Trust His heart, trust His character, trust His faithfulness!
3)Anger with God is unbelief. We touched on this earlier. But this ties in with the last point. We must belief that God is good. Being angry with the Lord is fundamentally believing that God has failed or made a mistake or that He should have done differently. This is rooted in unbelief in God’s goodness, wisdom, providence…ultimately His character.
4)Anger with God is futile. There is a great quote by James Weldon Johnson that goes like this, “Young man, your arms are too short to box with God!” Enough said!
Anger with God is a lie of the devil. What a great tactic from our great adversary! If Satan can get you mad at God then loving and serving Him will be nearly impossible. I will say this more than once…know your enemy…better yet, know your God and BELIEVE HIM then your enemy will be easy to spot!
5)Anger with God is a matter of perspective. This ties all these points under bitterness together. The right perspective goes a long way. Many of you may remember a sister in Christ named Ramey who went home to be with the Lord in 2008 after a whirlwind battle with brain cancer. This story from John (Ramey’s husband) and Monica (his new wife) will show how the right perspective can starve a root of bitterness. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me! http://vimeo.com/34722066
What an amazing testimony of God’s grace when coupled with believing God! As Monica so aptly stated, “The Lord did not come to kill, steal and destroy but to give us the abundant life. This must be the abundant life!” What faith!
As we close today I would ask you to test your heart. In the face of disappointment do you speak as Naomi or do you speak as Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
In the parable of the soils, Jesus talks about gardening as well, but this time He isn’t teaching about literal soil, He is teaching about hearts. Just as it takes favorable conditions to grow real fruit, it also takes favorable conditions to grow spiritual fruit. If the soil of our hearts is hard with unforgiveness there is only one kind of root that will survive; the root of bitterness. Let me explain.
Disappointment is birthed when we have unmet expectations. However, when disappointment goes unaddressed it leads to bitterness. Bitterness is a root that grows in the soil of unforgiveness. Bitterness can manifest itself in many ways but I think ultimately our bitterness, although directed at other people, is often a disappointment or anger with God. Do you follow me?
Maybe you know someone who is overcome with bitterness or maybe you have been that person. Maybe you are still that person and you don’t even realize it. You know, we go through life with certain expectations and the longer we live the more we realize that life rarely delivers on those expectations. Sometimes we think our expectations are simple and small comparatively. We aren’t asking for the world, we just want good health, good marriages, good jobs and children who love Jesus…and a vacation once a year, a somewhat sizeable shopping budget, a lovely home and chocolate with no calories! That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for in the grand scheme of things. Besides, all things are possible with God right?
So, why do we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations and then find ourselves reeling when the unrealistic doesn’t become reality? For this very reason: we have the expectation of the perfection of eternity in our hearts. This is the desire for all things to be perfect. Do you know why? Because this is what God created us to be! He created us to be perfect but we shattered that perfection in Genesis 3 and we have continued to shatter it every single day since then. However, the longing within our hearts remains. We know that there is something wrong with the world. We know that suffering, death, pain and betrayal are not the way things should be…so we live life in disappointment…and we simply do not know how to handle it.
I used to live in a constant state of expectation believing that if a few more things could fall into place then there would be a state of utopia in my life that nothing could touch. Sin makes that impossible. And so we, you and I, live disappointed and angry that life has not turned out the way we imagined. Then we let that disappointment fester and it makes us bitter women. We are jealous, we are envious, we are spiteful, we begrudge other people happiness and we become cold. We blame other people for our circumstances when in reality they have no power over our lives. True, some have been the cause of hurt or betrayal but above all there is One that is filtering those circumstances through His hands. When it comes down to it, the truth is, we are mad at God….although we may never admit it because it sounds like total heresy!
So, how do we deal with disappointment when we eventually discover we are angry with the Lord?
1)We must be very careful! God is holy and “other than” we are.
He is certainly big enough to handle our disappointments and anger but there is a fine line between genuine hurt and blasphemy.
2)We must realize that anger with God is short-sighted.
Do you remember the story of Joseph? Joseph couldn’t catch a break to save his life! Just about the time things seemed to quiet down for him, another trial hit. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongly accused of rape, imprisoned as an innocent man and forgotten by the man that could have quickly sealed his pardon! If we leave Joseph there we are hopeless and angry with God.
What about Naomi? She left Israel with her husband and 2 sons because of a famine and traveled to the pagan land of Moab. While she is there, her sons marry pagan women and her husband dies along with both of her sons. She is now in a foreign land, far from home with no family and a gaping hole of grief in her heart. When she returns to Bethlehem and the people see her coming from afar they say, “Look, it’s Naomi!” But she cries, “Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara” which means bitter. “I left here full and the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21)If we leave Naomi here we are disappointed and angry with the Lord.
If we go on to tell the story, Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth travel back to Israel where God supplies a kinsman redeemer in the man of Boaz to marry Ruth thereby securing heirs for Naomi’s family. Boaz begat Obed, Obed begat Jesse and Jesse begat David! Naomi was David’s great, great grandmother which ultimately placed her in the lineage of Christ! Her great, great grandson would sit on the throne of Israel as the greatest earthly king in Israel’s history and a man after God’s own heart!
Joseph is made 2nd in command over all of Egypt and because of a God-ordained famine his brothers are driven right to his door step. He chooses FORGIVENESS and God brings all of his family to Egypt in order to preserve them from extinction. Why? Because He is true to His promises! God called a people through the seed of Abraham and He faithfully preserved them through kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment! You might say, “Why?” “Why not just supernaturally bring them some food in Canaan without all of the tragedy with Jacob? Why not save this poor man some trouble!”
I cannot even pretend to answer why or know the mind of God but I do know this: it displayed the glory of God in greater ways than we could have imagined. You see, this is God’s ways being higher than our ways! In the end, Joseph said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good!” This is a man who believed God! This is a man who believed God was good! So, don’t be short-sighted! Even if you don’t see it, God is working it out! Trust His heart, trust His character, trust His faithfulness!
3)Anger with God is unbelief. We touched on this earlier. But this ties in with the last point. We must belief that God is good. Being angry with the Lord is fundamentally believing that God has failed or made a mistake or that He should have done differently. This is rooted in unbelief in God’s goodness, wisdom, providence…ultimately His character.
4)Anger with God is futile. There is a great quote by James Weldon Johnson that goes like this, “Young man, your arms are too short to box with God!” Enough said!
Anger with God is a lie of the devil. What a great tactic from our great adversary! If Satan can get you mad at God then loving and serving Him will be nearly impossible. I will say this more than once…know your enemy…better yet, know your God and BELIEVE HIM then your enemy will be easy to spot!
5)Anger with God is a matter of perspective. This ties all these points under bitterness together. The right perspective goes a long way. Many of you may remember a sister in Christ named Ramey who went home to be with the Lord in 2008 after a whirlwind battle with brain cancer. This story from John (Ramey’s husband) and Monica (his new wife) will show how the right perspective can starve a root of bitterness. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me! http://vimeo.com/34722066
What an amazing testimony of God’s grace when coupled with believing God! As Monica so aptly stated, “The Lord did not come to kill, steal and destroy but to give us the abundant life. This must be the abundant life!” What faith!
As we close today I would ask you to test your heart. In the face of disappointment do you speak as Naomi or do you speak as Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”
Monday, April 2, 2012
Choosing Forgiveness: Week Two
I hope you enjoyed a Sabbath Day filled with “Hosannas” to our Savior King! It is hard to imagine that Jesus rode into Jerusalem to shouts of praise and one week later would walk out to shouts of hatred on His way to atone for their sins along with yours and mine. How fickle is mankind? How unstable and how stark the contrast in comparison to the eternal, unchanging Son of Man? We get so focused on the praise of man and the praise of man is utterly fleeting. We will work ourselves to death to try and earn it and then waste ourselves away to try and keep it.
Although I have been working on this study for quite some time it is no coincidence that the last part would fall on the week leading up to the Resurrection. This is Easter. This is why we celebrate – because we are forgiven and set free. Our Savior has been resurrected and He is seated at the right hand of the Father always making intercession for us! How can we not freely bestow forgiveness in light of the weight of glory in which we now stand?
As we begin looking at the gospel as our basis for forgiveness there are five points that are important for us to stand on:
1) Forgiveness is a God concept not a man concept. If it were not for the illumination of the Holy Spirit through the Word we would not even know that we need forgiveness. Everything in scripture reminds us over and over that salvation is a God work from the moment when we are aware of our sin, to the end; our glorification.
The sum total of the gospel is this: God created the world, including mankind in perfection, mankind rebels and the entire creation is plunged into sin. BUT GOD as the offendED makes a way for the us, the offendERs to have FULL pardon.
Not only that, but He equips the offender with conviction to see her sin and then engenders faith to believe in the forgiveness He has set forth in Christ.
Scripture says all of this took place while we were dead in our trespasses! The dead do not DO anything – they are dead. We had no part in God’s plan of redemption and we do not earn it – it is a free gift! (Rom. 6:23; Eph. 2:8)
Ladies, this is great news! It is the best news! We don’t have to be cleaned up and have it all together. We don’t have to work for it or come in first to get the prize. Our part is so passive in all of this that scripture says we are dead! If you are like me and keenly aware of your short-comings and failures then this is music, literally, to your ears: “Jesus paid it ALL, ALL to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, HE washed it white as snow! Praise God!
2) Forgiveness is first and foremost a CHOICE. We are commanded to forgive. Forgiveness is a command, not a choice. Our forgiveness is not dependent upon the attitude, asking or receptiveness of the offender. In fact, the other party’s request or “appropriate” contrite-ness is never taken into consideration in scripture. There is never a time when Jesus tells us we are to forgive only if the other person asks for it or is truly sorry for what they have done. In fact, the other person is not even a factor!
There will be times when we are prompted by our feelings to forgive but most often we will not. Feelings are motivated by the heart and the heart is deceitful. The heart looks out for its own interests and protects itself. We cannot always act how we feel and in the same way we cannot rely on our feelings to prompt us to forgiveness, grace, love, mercy or forbearance. Sometimes we have to make decisions with our head and allow our hearts to catch up!
3) Forgiveness is not a meritorious work. (Meaning it is not earned!) Our choice of forgiveness is not based on the attitude, actions or even the asking of the other person. Jesus did not die because we were worthy but because He is just. He alone is worthy.
On the contrary, scripture says we were ungodly, unlovable, evil, malicious, gossips, slanderers, of our father the devil…what about that seems worthy or lovable? God’s forgiveness of us is not motivated by something within us that deserved forgiveness. Salvation is motivated by God’s holiness not our worthiness because there is nothing in us that is worthy.
We are never worthy of forgiveness – it is God’s free choice out of grace to extend forgiveness. We have not earned it therefore it is not a meritorious work. God expects nothing less of us in forgiving others – they do not and cannot earn our forgiveness, we must give it freely.
4)Forgiveness is hard, often painful. You know the beautiful thing about this? Jesus knows! He knows the pain and cost associated with forgiveness! Jesus suffered severely on the cross in order to offer forgiveness – should we expect any less? (Heb. 12:3-4)
5)Unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. God will never ask us to do something He won’t equip us to do; He will never ask us to do something that isn’t beneficial; He will never ask us to do something that is impossible or that Jesus hasn’t already done!
This sums up the basis for our forgiveness! I want to leave you with a beautiful picture of a woman who had encountered the gospel, her basis for forgiveness…
I had the privilege of being seated at dinner recently next to a woman that I had only known from a distance. I have a unique talent for being able to write people’s stories in my head based on a name or appearance. I guess it is the imaginative side of me that loves to romanticize someone else’s life. Don’t get me wrong – it’s just fun, no harm done. I usually don’t share my thoughts but I will tell you I would starve as a fortune teller – if I believed in that sort of thing!
In the course of normal dinner conversation this sweet woman begins to tell me about her past. She was abused by her birth mother until the age of four at which time she entered foster care. She was in and out of homes until the age of seven when she was taken into a Christian home. From seven until eleven she stayed with this family and became a believer. However, she was very violent toward the biological children in the home and was forced to leave. She says she absolutely doesn’t blame the parents, she would have done the same thing. At the age of eleven she was adopted into an abusive home where she was assaulted emotionally, physically and sexually until the age of 19. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had totally lost my appetite and I wanted nothing more than to hear the rest of the story.
She told me that at 19 she had the opportunity to enroll in college by the grace of God. From there she severed all ties with her adoptive family and began a journey in which the Lord completely transformed her life! She sat across from me with a countenance of such peace and joy on her face that I would never have imagined where she had been had she not been telling me from her own mouth. At 40, she is now a married mother of three, a foster mom to two exchange students and a beautiful picture of God’s grace and forgiveness. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “God has healed me! I am whole because of Him!” Do you think she had met Jesus? Do you think she understood the gospel as her basis for forgiveness? There is no doubt in my mind!
Ladies, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with our God! So much of this study is dependent upon you believing that. Hebrews 11:6 says this, “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” I will continue to drive this home because ultimately unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. We have got to ask the Lord to “help us overcome our unbelief” and grab the freedom of forgiveness with both hands today, today, today…
Although I have been working on this study for quite some time it is no coincidence that the last part would fall on the week leading up to the Resurrection. This is Easter. This is why we celebrate – because we are forgiven and set free. Our Savior has been resurrected and He is seated at the right hand of the Father always making intercession for us! How can we not freely bestow forgiveness in light of the weight of glory in which we now stand?
As we begin looking at the gospel as our basis for forgiveness there are five points that are important for us to stand on:
1) Forgiveness is a God concept not a man concept. If it were not for the illumination of the Holy Spirit through the Word we would not even know that we need forgiveness. Everything in scripture reminds us over and over that salvation is a God work from the moment when we are aware of our sin, to the end; our glorification.
The sum total of the gospel is this: God created the world, including mankind in perfection, mankind rebels and the entire creation is plunged into sin. BUT GOD as the offendED makes a way for the us, the offendERs to have FULL pardon.
Not only that, but He equips the offender with conviction to see her sin and then engenders faith to believe in the forgiveness He has set forth in Christ.
Scripture says all of this took place while we were dead in our trespasses! The dead do not DO anything – they are dead. We had no part in God’s plan of redemption and we do not earn it – it is a free gift! (Rom. 6:23; Eph. 2:8)
Ladies, this is great news! It is the best news! We don’t have to be cleaned up and have it all together. We don’t have to work for it or come in first to get the prize. Our part is so passive in all of this that scripture says we are dead! If you are like me and keenly aware of your short-comings and failures then this is music, literally, to your ears: “Jesus paid it ALL, ALL to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, HE washed it white as snow! Praise God!
2) Forgiveness is first and foremost a CHOICE. We are commanded to forgive. Forgiveness is a command, not a choice. Our forgiveness is not dependent upon the attitude, asking or receptiveness of the offender. In fact, the other party’s request or “appropriate” contrite-ness is never taken into consideration in scripture. There is never a time when Jesus tells us we are to forgive only if the other person asks for it or is truly sorry for what they have done. In fact, the other person is not even a factor!
There will be times when we are prompted by our feelings to forgive but most often we will not. Feelings are motivated by the heart and the heart is deceitful. The heart looks out for its own interests and protects itself. We cannot always act how we feel and in the same way we cannot rely on our feelings to prompt us to forgiveness, grace, love, mercy or forbearance. Sometimes we have to make decisions with our head and allow our hearts to catch up!
3) Forgiveness is not a meritorious work. (Meaning it is not earned!) Our choice of forgiveness is not based on the attitude, actions or even the asking of the other person. Jesus did not die because we were worthy but because He is just. He alone is worthy.
On the contrary, scripture says we were ungodly, unlovable, evil, malicious, gossips, slanderers, of our father the devil…what about that seems worthy or lovable? God’s forgiveness of us is not motivated by something within us that deserved forgiveness. Salvation is motivated by God’s holiness not our worthiness because there is nothing in us that is worthy.
We are never worthy of forgiveness – it is God’s free choice out of grace to extend forgiveness. We have not earned it therefore it is not a meritorious work. God expects nothing less of us in forgiving others – they do not and cannot earn our forgiveness, we must give it freely.
4)Forgiveness is hard, often painful. You know the beautiful thing about this? Jesus knows! He knows the pain and cost associated with forgiveness! Jesus suffered severely on the cross in order to offer forgiveness – should we expect any less? (Heb. 12:3-4)
5)Unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. God will never ask us to do something He won’t equip us to do; He will never ask us to do something that isn’t beneficial; He will never ask us to do something that is impossible or that Jesus hasn’t already done!
This sums up the basis for our forgiveness! I want to leave you with a beautiful picture of a woman who had encountered the gospel, her basis for forgiveness…
I had the privilege of being seated at dinner recently next to a woman that I had only known from a distance. I have a unique talent for being able to write people’s stories in my head based on a name or appearance. I guess it is the imaginative side of me that loves to romanticize someone else’s life. Don’t get me wrong – it’s just fun, no harm done. I usually don’t share my thoughts but I will tell you I would starve as a fortune teller – if I believed in that sort of thing!
In the course of normal dinner conversation this sweet woman begins to tell me about her past. She was abused by her birth mother until the age of four at which time she entered foster care. She was in and out of homes until the age of seven when she was taken into a Christian home. From seven until eleven she stayed with this family and became a believer. However, she was very violent toward the biological children in the home and was forced to leave. She says she absolutely doesn’t blame the parents, she would have done the same thing. At the age of eleven she was adopted into an abusive home where she was assaulted emotionally, physically and sexually until the age of 19. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had totally lost my appetite and I wanted nothing more than to hear the rest of the story.
She told me that at 19 she had the opportunity to enroll in college by the grace of God. From there she severed all ties with her adoptive family and began a journey in which the Lord completely transformed her life! She sat across from me with a countenance of such peace and joy on her face that I would never have imagined where she had been had she not been telling me from her own mouth. At 40, she is now a married mother of three, a foster mom to two exchange students and a beautiful picture of God’s grace and forgiveness. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “God has healed me! I am whole because of Him!” Do you think she had met Jesus? Do you think she understood the gospel as her basis for forgiveness? There is no doubt in my mind!
Ladies, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with our God! So much of this study is dependent upon you believing that. Hebrews 11:6 says this, “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” I will continue to drive this home because ultimately unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. We have got to ask the Lord to “help us overcome our unbelief” and grab the freedom of forgiveness with both hands today, today, today…
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