Part One: The Problem
Hellooo ladies! I am back from the land of summertime, sunscreen, no schedule and sweat. It was a wonderful summer that went quickly and I am excited to experience the first signs of autumn which also happens to be my favorite season! Speaking of seasons, there are seasons of life as well - trite but true. I am finally at the point where I have enough living behind me to actually be able to say I can see seasons. Unfortunately, it takes getting older to be able to experience reflection but it brings so much wisdom – wisdom I wish I had many years ago! Alas, this is how God intended it. We should come into the world with no wisdom and great energy and leave this world with great wisdom and no energy. Selah girls, SELAH….(means ponder deeply)
Very recently, Kraig and I have been challenged to reassess and reprioritize our lives as a whole but most specifically in the area of parenting. I must say that I have the first beginnings of an ulcer that started very close to Landon’s twelfth birthday and I can accurately prophesy that it will get larger as he gets older. We are on the very edge of the cliff (and yes, it looks like a cliff) looking over into the teen years and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared…or at least VERY anxious. So, as any loving mother would do I have been a controlling, emotional ball of overreaction, assumption and generally freaking out over everything. Nothing makes you feel more helpless than realizing for the first time that you cannot control the way your child thinks. And if your child thinks wrongly he will eventually act wrongly! Up to this point we have been all about behavior modification. Isn’t that what parenting toddlers and small children is about? “Don’t hit your brother with that, Jeffrey! Don’t put the penny in the light socket, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, don’t eat that off the floor..Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.” There is a level of physical demand that is required just to keep them from killing themselves but glory in the fact that at this point, you can! Secondly, a child until they reach the age of 8 or 9 will mostly take what you say as gospel. They may begin to test a little bit but, for the most part, they are totally buying into your philosophy on everything. These are good times! Even though you may here “Why Mommy?” more times than you ever thought you could stand, be grateful for their open hearts if not for their open mouths!
Then, then comes the pre-adolescent and adolescent years. Keep in mind I speak as no expert here because I have not survived this stage but hopefully my meager gleanings might help you. It’s like one of my friends told me just the other day, “We have to stick together!” No joke! What I am slowly learning is that the days of behavior modification are still in play but heart modification is not! The truth is we are never able to change our children’s hearts. We can shepherd them but we cannot make them pure in heart or love the Lord. We can take them to the Word, instruct them in the Word and diligently pray for their retention of the Word but we cannot make them receive the Word. I don’t write this to scare you or cause you to despair but I do want to cause you to think, maybe even reprioritize a few things.
While we were on vacation I began to read a book entitled “Family Driven Faith” by Dr. Voddie Baucham. I cannot recommend it enough to parents, all parents, even grandparents. Buy it, read it, reread it, ask your spouse to read it, answer the questions, pray over it and let it sink in. I would assess, from my own experience, that it is pretty easy between the ages of 5 and 10, (unless of course you are parenting a strong willed child to which I would say be very zealous in sparing the rod and spoiling the child! We had one for about a year and it was the only thing that seemed to speak the truth more clearly to him!!) but, between 5 and 10 years of age it is easy to say, “We’re doing okay here. We don’t have everything right but we have most things right and our kids haven’t fallen off the deep end. Maybe we finally have some of this parenting thing figured out.” (To which God, my parents and all other parents who have raised their kids laughed behind my back!) You might even be nodding your head in agreement until the day you try to have a rational conversation with your kid, presenting clear and concise evidence and they choose to think otherwise! What?? Since when did you begin to think for yourself? Since when did you begin to think that adolescent consensus is better than parental wisdom? Thus begins the “where-have-we-gone-wrong-in-parenting-this-rebellious-obstinate-child-who-thinks-he-knows-it-all” state of surprise and anger that is eventually followed by “what do we do now?”
Enter Dr. Baucham and his flashlight, shining into the word of God to instruct me! You see, I knew all along that the home was the primary place for biblical instruction. I knew that although school and church were there to instruct, they were merely a supplement to our guidance as parents. What I failed to realize was that we needed two additional goals in educating our children: An all-encompassing biblical worldview passed to our children and our own knowledge of God’s purposes. At first glance I would have answered in the affirmative that we had both but as I took a more deliberate look I quickly saw the glaring discrepancies!
As we end today, take a few minutes to think about your role in the discipleship of your own children. Are you taking an active or a passive role in instructing them in the ways of the Lord?
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Taking Back Our Homes - Part Two
Part Two: Solution #1: The Biblical Worldview
So, if you hung in for day one and didn’t lose too much sleep over the assessment of your situation, or even if you did, this should help to put some “how” into the equation! Let’s press on!
Please don’t get overwhelmed by the terminology here or the fact that it seems like this would be directed to a particular stereotypical Christian parent, whatever that looks like. The truth is, as believers we all desire to have our children love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength from an early age. We desire to have them stand strong in the Lord and in the power of His might through the tumultuous teen years and emerge into adulthood as close to saints as possible. We desire to see them be further along in their knowledge of the Lord and living lives that surpass wherever we were spiritually at that point but we are failing and there is research to back it up! The Barna Group recently conducted a survey and found that kids in their late teens and on into their twenties are leaving the church in droves! We aren’t talking about 30 or 40 percent, we are talking about 70 and 80 percent. How frightening to think that our children would walk away from the Lord and His great glories at the very time they are moving out from under our wings and watchful eye! This would seem to suggest that they are simply adopting our belief system instead of owning it for themselves.
So, why the trend? The two things that are directly related are first, an inauthentic faith from parents and a flimsy biblical worldview in children. The first is pretty simple. You’ve heard the saying, “Children learn more from what they see than what they hear?” Our children are the single closest spectators of our lives. From infancy through childhood on into young adulthood our children are acutely aware of how well we are living what we are teaching them. If we fail to find the Lord important in our own lives, why should they? One of the single greatest gifts my Dad, as a pastor, ever gave to me was a life that consistently modeled what he proclaimed from the pulpit. His authenticity continues to draw people to question what it is that makes him a man of integrity, character and able to do the hard thing.
One of the many things he instilled in us from an early age was that Sunday was the Lord’s Day. On that day, we would be in church, there would be no work or extracurricular activities and we would rest as a family. I knew from a young age that when Sunday came around there would be no compromise. Worship was a priority. As we got older and sports, jobs and friends came into the picture, he lovingly but sternly made sure that we knew there was to be nothing that interfered with being in the Lord’s house, among His people. I knew where the Lord stood in my Dad’s life. I didn’t have to ask him, I knew because I saw it! Our lives will be a consistent display of our priorities and no matter what we say our kids will know what matters most whether it is work, money, sports, vacation or any other idol. A heart that is for the Lord will result in behavior that is for the Lord…isn’t that the very thing we want for our children? Heart modification…you can’t pass on something you don’t have!
The second piece of the puzzle that is lacking is a biblical worldview. Simply put, this is seeing ALL of life through the lens of scripture. Mostly we compartmentalize God. We teach our children to do the same. God is for Sundays, prayer before meals and Christmas time (after Santa of course). God is good for times when you have a problem or when you are trying to get a promotion, make the team or pass the test. God is for me, my needs, wants, desires and my satisfaction. God is not for Friday nights, trips to Vegas, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the people I date, my career path in college, my language, my clothes or my thoughts. Basically, God is for when it benefits me. Is anyone tracking with me here? Since life is about ME then God must be about ME. Therefore, I can bring Him out when it benefits ME.
This is what we call cat vs. dog theology. A cat says, “My owner feeds me, cares for me and cleans up after me therefore, I must be God.” A dog says, “My owner feeds me, cares for me and cleans up after me therefore, He must be God.” Hence the difference between most cats and dogs. When a cat owner comes home most cats really could care less. When the dog owner comes home most dogs are waiting at the door for their arrival. There are way too many of us who have listened to the culture and have adopted a “feline” theology instead of a “canine” theology.
So how do we overcome this very real issue and ensure that our kids have the strong foundation of a biblical worldview? We bring God and His word into our homes and into every aspect of our lives. It says in Deuteronomy 6:7-9 in regards to the words of God, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Can you think of anything that isn’t covered in this passage? You teach them diligently when you sit, walk, lie down and rise up. Then, if you forget when you look at your hand, in the mirror, come to your front door or pull in the driveway they will be there. So, I think it is safe to say that there isn’t a time or situation when the Lord should not be on our lips.
Let’s give a few examples: When we take our children to the beach we can expound on the great expanse of the ocean and talk about how God told Job that He “commanded the waves to stop here and go no further.” When we talk about issues between friends at school we can take our children to the Word for instruction. When we experience hardship we can begin to teach them about faith and learning to trust God even when we don’t understand why things happen because ultimately, He is good.
This is the process of instilling a biblical worldview. We must be diligent to teach our children the truth that there is no aspect of our lives great or small that the Lord is not intimately acquainted with, using for His glory and orchestrating for His our eternal good. I cannot think of a firmer foundation for a young man or woman leaving home for the first time to stand upon when facing a sinful world. However, as neatly packaged as this seems, it will be difficult especially if your children are older and this is something new. Keep in mind that Satan does not want you to be successful in this and he will work to thwart you at every turn! Scripture encourages us to “not give up in doing good.” Persevere in prayer and be consistent. About the only thing I have learned in the few short years I have been a parent is that consistency makes up for a lot of other faults!
As we close today ask yourself if you have the foundation of a biblical worldview yourself. Are you passing that along to your children? If not, what adjustments can be made to change this in your life and the lives of your children?
So, if you hung in for day one and didn’t lose too much sleep over the assessment of your situation, or even if you did, this should help to put some “how” into the equation! Let’s press on!
Please don’t get overwhelmed by the terminology here or the fact that it seems like this would be directed to a particular stereotypical Christian parent, whatever that looks like. The truth is, as believers we all desire to have our children love the Lord with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength from an early age. We desire to have them stand strong in the Lord and in the power of His might through the tumultuous teen years and emerge into adulthood as close to saints as possible. We desire to see them be further along in their knowledge of the Lord and living lives that surpass wherever we were spiritually at that point but we are failing and there is research to back it up! The Barna Group recently conducted a survey and found that kids in their late teens and on into their twenties are leaving the church in droves! We aren’t talking about 30 or 40 percent, we are talking about 70 and 80 percent. How frightening to think that our children would walk away from the Lord and His great glories at the very time they are moving out from under our wings and watchful eye! This would seem to suggest that they are simply adopting our belief system instead of owning it for themselves.
So, why the trend? The two things that are directly related are first, an inauthentic faith from parents and a flimsy biblical worldview in children. The first is pretty simple. You’ve heard the saying, “Children learn more from what they see than what they hear?” Our children are the single closest spectators of our lives. From infancy through childhood on into young adulthood our children are acutely aware of how well we are living what we are teaching them. If we fail to find the Lord important in our own lives, why should they? One of the single greatest gifts my Dad, as a pastor, ever gave to me was a life that consistently modeled what he proclaimed from the pulpit. His authenticity continues to draw people to question what it is that makes him a man of integrity, character and able to do the hard thing.
One of the many things he instilled in us from an early age was that Sunday was the Lord’s Day. On that day, we would be in church, there would be no work or extracurricular activities and we would rest as a family. I knew from a young age that when Sunday came around there would be no compromise. Worship was a priority. As we got older and sports, jobs and friends came into the picture, he lovingly but sternly made sure that we knew there was to be nothing that interfered with being in the Lord’s house, among His people. I knew where the Lord stood in my Dad’s life. I didn’t have to ask him, I knew because I saw it! Our lives will be a consistent display of our priorities and no matter what we say our kids will know what matters most whether it is work, money, sports, vacation or any other idol. A heart that is for the Lord will result in behavior that is for the Lord…isn’t that the very thing we want for our children? Heart modification…you can’t pass on something you don’t have!
The second piece of the puzzle that is lacking is a biblical worldview. Simply put, this is seeing ALL of life through the lens of scripture. Mostly we compartmentalize God. We teach our children to do the same. God is for Sundays, prayer before meals and Christmas time (after Santa of course). God is good for times when you have a problem or when you are trying to get a promotion, make the team or pass the test. God is for me, my needs, wants, desires and my satisfaction. God is not for Friday nights, trips to Vegas, the music I listen to, the movies I watch, the people I date, my career path in college, my language, my clothes or my thoughts. Basically, God is for when it benefits me. Is anyone tracking with me here? Since life is about ME then God must be about ME. Therefore, I can bring Him out when it benefits ME.
This is what we call cat vs. dog theology. A cat says, “My owner feeds me, cares for me and cleans up after me therefore, I must be God.” A dog says, “My owner feeds me, cares for me and cleans up after me therefore, He must be God.” Hence the difference between most cats and dogs. When a cat owner comes home most cats really could care less. When the dog owner comes home most dogs are waiting at the door for their arrival. There are way too many of us who have listened to the culture and have adopted a “feline” theology instead of a “canine” theology.
So how do we overcome this very real issue and ensure that our kids have the strong foundation of a biblical worldview? We bring God and His word into our homes and into every aspect of our lives. It says in Deuteronomy 6:7-9 in regards to the words of God, “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” Can you think of anything that isn’t covered in this passage? You teach them diligently when you sit, walk, lie down and rise up. Then, if you forget when you look at your hand, in the mirror, come to your front door or pull in the driveway they will be there. So, I think it is safe to say that there isn’t a time or situation when the Lord should not be on our lips.
Let’s give a few examples: When we take our children to the beach we can expound on the great expanse of the ocean and talk about how God told Job that He “commanded the waves to stop here and go no further.” When we talk about issues between friends at school we can take our children to the Word for instruction. When we experience hardship we can begin to teach them about faith and learning to trust God even when we don’t understand why things happen because ultimately, He is good.
This is the process of instilling a biblical worldview. We must be diligent to teach our children the truth that there is no aspect of our lives great or small that the Lord is not intimately acquainted with, using for His glory and orchestrating for His our eternal good. I cannot think of a firmer foundation for a young man or woman leaving home for the first time to stand upon when facing a sinful world. However, as neatly packaged as this seems, it will be difficult especially if your children are older and this is something new. Keep in mind that Satan does not want you to be successful in this and he will work to thwart you at every turn! Scripture encourages us to “not give up in doing good.” Persevere in prayer and be consistent. About the only thing I have learned in the few short years I have been a parent is that consistency makes up for a lot of other faults!
As we close today ask yourself if you have the foundation of a biblical worldview yourself. Are you passing that along to your children? If not, what adjustments can be made to change this in your life and the lives of your children?
Taking Back Our Homes - Part Three
Part Three: A Knowledge of God’s Purposes
Just about the time we felt that Kraig and I were starting to get a handle on instilling a biblical worldview, we had yet another challenge set before us. This time the challenge came from a series of messages preached by Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church in Dallas, TX. Again, I cannot recommend his preaching with any more enthusiasm. In his late thirties, he has an amazing story in that he has a rare form of brain cancer that is in remission. He is practical, passionate and preaches truth with great clarity. This series of messages in particular is called, “Village Identity”. The first message however, was the one that spoke volumes to my heart and opened my eyes to something I had missed up to this point in my Christian walk.
We have heard a lot about purpose in recent years. There have been many books, bible studies and conferences surrounding the subject of purpose. Purpose is important because it gives us motivation for why we do what we do. It answers our most basic fundamental questions about existence and what we can hope to make of life. Purpose is the fuel that drives our passions, desires, hopes, plans and many people have wasted their lives because they lacked purpose. On the surface it seems that our purpose is a simple answer. We typically revert to our daily routines to answer the question, “What is my purpose? Well, I am a Mom so I make the lunches and get the kids ready for school. I make sure there is food in the house, clothes that are clean and homework is completed. I am a wife, I am a nurse, I am a teacher, I am a”…fill in the blank. So our purpose is wrapped up in what we DO. The problem is if our purpose is wrapped up in our works then we get the idea that we have something to do with earning our purpose – that we are only as purposeful as what we are able to do. What does that mean for the person who has lost their job, is physically handicapped or is unknown? This is why our culture screams for fame. This is why we have shows like “American Idol” and “America’s Got Talent” to name a few. This is why once people have tasted fame they have a hard time returning to the obscurity of everyday life and many of them take their lives because they feel like they no longer have a purpose.
As believers we can’t simply answer these questions without factoring God into the equation. Furthermore, we need to know what God is doing so that we, as His people, can be about what He is doing. If we aren’t about what God is doing then our purpose and all that we would do is futile at best. So,what if we backed it out even farther and asked “What is God’s purpose and how do I fit in?”
It says in Psalm 23:3 that all God is to us in verses 1 and 2, is for His name’s sake. Scripture is full of references that teach us that God does what He does for one purpose: the praise of His glorious grace! So, if God’s purpose is His own glory then YOUR purpose is His glory. 1 Corinithians 10:31 puts it simply, “Whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Therefore, we can quickly see that our purpose has little to do with us. In fact, everything that God has done for us through Christ is so that we might be freed up to make much of Him! Does it sting a little bit? It did for me. What about the God who loves me, cares for me and is in pursuit of me? What about ME? The truth is God does love us, care for us and pursue us but not because of us! We are NOT the object of His affection. God loves, cares, pursues and saves us FOR HIS GLORY! Read Ephesians 1:1-14 and count how many times the phrase “to the praise of His glory” is stated.
So, why is this GOOD news? Why is taking me off the throne good news to me? Well, mainly because if you were created to bring glory to God and you fulfill that purpose then it will bring you joy! If someone came up to you tomorrow and said “I know what your purpose is in life and I can help you to fulfill it” wouldn’t you be ecstatic? You wouldn’t waste a single minute finding out what it was and how to get it! Well, here it is! Better yet, all of the commands God has given us in His word are to line us up with His plan so that our joy might be full! God is for our joy! Let me say that again, God is for our joy! It is a great lie of the devil that God is about robbing us of our joy and that He sets up rules in order to keep us from joy. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
At this point, many of you may be wondering how suffering fits into this picture. How many of us haven’t asked at one point or another, “God, if you are good, why is this happening to me?” Suffering fits in by showing us that God is enough in those times. You see, God is the gospel. The good news is that we get Jesus. He is our inheritance, our peace and our crown. Most of us still think that our inheritance is heaven and that we are saved from hell so that we can go to heaven. Although as redeemed we will go to heaven, heaven is a benefit but not the gospel. John 3:16 doesn’t say, “For God so loved the world that He sent HEAVEN that whosoever believes in HEAVEN should not perish but have eternal life.” God sent His Son. Our inheritance is Christ, not riches like those here on earth but the unfathomable riches of God and who He is will satisfy our souls for all eternity.
In conclusion, you have to get over you! I have to get over me! This is not about us and we are not the point. If we could finally, once and for all, turn off the television and the radio, turn off the media and the culture and realize that we don’t have to make much of us then we would be FREE! When it is about us then we are easily bothered and angered by people when they don’t perform. We are constantly looking for someone to blame for our unhappiness, dissatisfaction and misfortune. But when we are freed up to fulfill our purpose in making God’s name great we can extend grace, love deeply, serve selflessly and parent effectively!
Lord, thank you that your purposes are all wrapped up in who you are! Thank you that we exist to bring you glory and in that we find great joy! Grant us wisdom through your Word in parenting the gifts of grace you have given us in our children. Amen!
Just about the time we felt that Kraig and I were starting to get a handle on instilling a biblical worldview, we had yet another challenge set before us. This time the challenge came from a series of messages preached by Matt Chandler, pastor of The Village Church in Dallas, TX. Again, I cannot recommend his preaching with any more enthusiasm. In his late thirties, he has an amazing story in that he has a rare form of brain cancer that is in remission. He is practical, passionate and preaches truth with great clarity. This series of messages in particular is called, “Village Identity”. The first message however, was the one that spoke volumes to my heart and opened my eyes to something I had missed up to this point in my Christian walk.
We have heard a lot about purpose in recent years. There have been many books, bible studies and conferences surrounding the subject of purpose. Purpose is important because it gives us motivation for why we do what we do. It answers our most basic fundamental questions about existence and what we can hope to make of life. Purpose is the fuel that drives our passions, desires, hopes, plans and many people have wasted their lives because they lacked purpose. On the surface it seems that our purpose is a simple answer. We typically revert to our daily routines to answer the question, “What is my purpose? Well, I am a Mom so I make the lunches and get the kids ready for school. I make sure there is food in the house, clothes that are clean and homework is completed. I am a wife, I am a nurse, I am a teacher, I am a”…fill in the blank. So our purpose is wrapped up in what we DO. The problem is if our purpose is wrapped up in our works then we get the idea that we have something to do with earning our purpose – that we are only as purposeful as what we are able to do. What does that mean for the person who has lost their job, is physically handicapped or is unknown? This is why our culture screams for fame. This is why we have shows like “American Idol” and “America’s Got Talent” to name a few. This is why once people have tasted fame they have a hard time returning to the obscurity of everyday life and many of them take their lives because they feel like they no longer have a purpose.
As believers we can’t simply answer these questions without factoring God into the equation. Furthermore, we need to know what God is doing so that we, as His people, can be about what He is doing. If we aren’t about what God is doing then our purpose and all that we would do is futile at best. So,what if we backed it out even farther and asked “What is God’s purpose and how do I fit in?”
It says in Psalm 23:3 that all God is to us in verses 1 and 2, is for His name’s sake. Scripture is full of references that teach us that God does what He does for one purpose: the praise of His glorious grace! So, if God’s purpose is His own glory then YOUR purpose is His glory. 1 Corinithians 10:31 puts it simply, “Whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” Therefore, we can quickly see that our purpose has little to do with us. In fact, everything that God has done for us through Christ is so that we might be freed up to make much of Him! Does it sting a little bit? It did for me. What about the God who loves me, cares for me and is in pursuit of me? What about ME? The truth is God does love us, care for us and pursue us but not because of us! We are NOT the object of His affection. God loves, cares, pursues and saves us FOR HIS GLORY! Read Ephesians 1:1-14 and count how many times the phrase “to the praise of His glory” is stated.
So, why is this GOOD news? Why is taking me off the throne good news to me? Well, mainly because if you were created to bring glory to God and you fulfill that purpose then it will bring you joy! If someone came up to you tomorrow and said “I know what your purpose is in life and I can help you to fulfill it” wouldn’t you be ecstatic? You wouldn’t waste a single minute finding out what it was and how to get it! Well, here it is! Better yet, all of the commands God has given us in His word are to line us up with His plan so that our joy might be full! God is for our joy! Let me say that again, God is for our joy! It is a great lie of the devil that God is about robbing us of our joy and that He sets up rules in order to keep us from joy. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
At this point, many of you may be wondering how suffering fits into this picture. How many of us haven’t asked at one point or another, “God, if you are good, why is this happening to me?” Suffering fits in by showing us that God is enough in those times. You see, God is the gospel. The good news is that we get Jesus. He is our inheritance, our peace and our crown. Most of us still think that our inheritance is heaven and that we are saved from hell so that we can go to heaven. Although as redeemed we will go to heaven, heaven is a benefit but not the gospel. John 3:16 doesn’t say, “For God so loved the world that He sent HEAVEN that whosoever believes in HEAVEN should not perish but have eternal life.” God sent His Son. Our inheritance is Christ, not riches like those here on earth but the unfathomable riches of God and who He is will satisfy our souls for all eternity.
In conclusion, you have to get over you! I have to get over me! This is not about us and we are not the point. If we could finally, once and for all, turn off the television and the radio, turn off the media and the culture and realize that we don’t have to make much of us then we would be FREE! When it is about us then we are easily bothered and angered by people when they don’t perform. We are constantly looking for someone to blame for our unhappiness, dissatisfaction and misfortune. But when we are freed up to fulfill our purpose in making God’s name great we can extend grace, love deeply, serve selflessly and parent effectively!
Lord, thank you that your purposes are all wrapped up in who you are! Thank you that we exist to bring you glory and in that we find great joy! Grant us wisdom through your Word in parenting the gifts of grace you have given us in our children. Amen!
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