Biblically Navigating Girl Politics

Raising kids grants you a new and different perspective in life. You not only see their sinful nature but your own as well. Case in point: girl politics. In other words, social etiquette for navigating the rocky seas of growing up female! If you are of the XX chromosomal gene pool and you have drawn breath past the age of two then you are keenly aware of what I am about to say. Having been highly feminine, overly sensitive and ridiculously dramatic since birth I have charted the tumultuous waters of friendship with many lessons learned! This proves invaluable in the present raising of one identical offspring, age nine.

I anxiously waited for the day when she would come home and reveal her first experience with this ugly reality. I hoped against hope that it would not come. I tried to forecast my own reaction. Would I become the over protective, helicopter Mom, swooping in to fight her fight, right the wrong and set the record straight? Would I take the blame off of her shoulders and commiserate with her about the inconsiderate, mean girl? Would I help her plot revenge with a scathing comeback or a party without an extended invitation? Well, if I’m honest (and I have to be honest since this is a Christian blog) I thought about all of these and then some. Fortunately, thanks be to God, I didn’t share my thoughts with my daughter! Although, I suppose she had the same thoughts as well.

However, when the day came, I found myself, surprisingly, removed from the emotion of the situation and doing the very opposite of what I had ever expected: I corrected her. I first determined with my feminine superpowers that quite possibly my daughter might be coloring the story from her perspective for my benefit. I know most women don’t ever do that but I thought just maybe…

After much interrogation about how the whole scenario went down I came to the conclusion that both my daughter and the other girl were at fault. Usually insult begets insult. So, I immediately addressed her actions rather than the other party. Why? Because her actions are what she is responsible for; they are what she can control. As we began to talk she immediately began to excuse her words based on the other girl. This would be affectionately known as the “blame game”. “If she hadn’t said _____, then I wouldn’t have said _____.” We have an affinity for this in our species. Ask any man alive and he would most likely say that it is ALWAYS his fault!

I quickly brought the conversation to a halt, prayed silently for godly wisdom and began to think of what scripture requires of us. Lest you think that scripture is silent about girl politics, I am here to tell you, thankfully, it is not! First, we are told to love our neighbor as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Secondly, we are told not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to but to esteem others above ourselves (Rom. 12:3;16). Thirdly, we are told, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Rom. 12:18). Lastly, we are told not to repay evil for evil but repay evil with good (I Thess. 5:15).

Yep, it’s all there in black and white. But the thing that struck me as more important than the actual instruction was the silent, understood “you”. In other words, these are imperatives, not declaratives or suggestions. We could rephrase them this way: YOU love your neighbor as yourself. YOU esteem others above yourself. YOU live at peace with everyone. YOU repay evil with good. You see, there are no contingencies here. There is never a time when we are dependent upon the actions of someone else in order for us to fulfill these instructions. These are not if/then, cause/effect reactions.

So, in addressing the sticky, hurtful, emotional and often confusing world of growing up with girls I put the oneness back on her; which then caused me to put the oneness back on myself. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when the other person is wrong but I’m not responsible for them, I’m responsible for me. You are responsible for you. She is responsible for herself. I often tell me daughter, “When you get to heaven Jesus isn’t going to ask you to answer for anyone else but He is going to ask you to answer for you.” Of course that is a simplistic way of looking at it but it helps her to understand three valuable lessons: 1) she must keep her eyes on herself, 2) her mouth CLOSED and 3) minding her own business. Scripture says that plain and clear in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “make it your ambition to lead a QUIET life and attend to your OWN business..” Ha! Don’t you just love scripture? I need that plastered to the walls of my brain! How about you??

We were talking the other day and I tried to clear up some of the muddiness for her (and me) by saying this: “You are going to have bad days, so are other people; give them grace. You will not like everyone and everyone will not like you; be kind, give them love.” I think it spoke to me more than it spoke to her!

Ladies, Jesus never commanded us to like everyone but He did command us to love everyone. By nature we are offenders and we are offend-ed and offend-ing all the time. It is so important that we do the right thing and teach our girls to do the same. We need to love with the love of Christ, forgive, forbear and just let some things go. Lastly, sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut! If I have said it once to her I have said it a thousand times, “As women, our mouths will get us in trouble more than anything else!”

In closing, read Romans 12: 9-21 for guidance in girl politics for your girls…and for yourselves because little bees grow up to be queens and things don’t change much in the hive! Amen!!