The Undivided House

Very few subjects will pull me out of a writing hiatus like the subject of marriage. I don’t know why I am so drawn to the topic. Maybe it is because I am married. Maybe it is because the definition and institution of marriage according to our government is about to be redefined. Maybe it's because my job is marriage planning. Mostly, I’m passionate about it because it is the very covenant that God used to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church. God is crazy about marriage in all of it’s aspects and so it would make sense that He desires marriages to succeed!

Recently, I had a conversation with a dear friend who is struggling with outside forces in her relationship. I laughed when she said, “I love him, that’s the easy part. It’s everything else that is hard!” Exactly! I have always said loving Kraig is easy it’s everything else that is trying to kill us! Things like bills and jobs and kids and stress and family and sickness and overall hard times and hard people. Yes, marriage, if contained inside of a bubble or on a movie screen, would likely never meet the continued demise of divorce like it does when exposed to...life and oh, yes, sin. Your sin, their sin and everyone else’s sin, sin.

Which brings me to my point. Scripture states, “a house divided against itself will fall” (Luke 11:17b). In other words, husbands and wives have to present a unified front, every time to every one. The minute that we start to throw the other party under the proverbial bus, the weaker our own house becomes. Think about that ladies. Every time that you take the opportunity to oppose your husband and his leadership you do yourself a disservice. Every time you oppose him to your children, your friends, your family, your co-workers - you tear your own house down. Proverbs 14:1 states that “a wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.”

That’s it. That’s the word for the day. It made me think and I thought I would share. So, word to the wise woman: “Build your house! In your deeds, in your words and...in your heart.

Wives, Respect your Husband...

You know girls that I love you and because I love you I have to say a few things and shoot straight for the sake of Jesus so that His name not be profaned among unbelievers and so that He gets ultimate glory in our lives through which we get the good! I have a lot of young girls sitting across from me on a daily basis, bright, new diamonds on their hands with smiles shining as bright or brighter than any ring ever could. They look over at their soon-to-be husbands with sweet smiles and adoration and respect. You could hardly fit a piece of paper between the two of them. She rubs his arm as she asks “I don’t know, what do you think?” or “I don’t know, you decide.” I realize in that moment that they haven’t gotten anywhere close to being tried by fire in the furnace of marriage!

I don’t say that to make marriage out to be analogous to hell. I say that because marriage is hard and marriage is meant for our sanctification and marriage is meant to display the gospel. In that respect, marriage is a very high calling. So, I know you must wonder when the hammer will fall. Well, here it is: Wives respect your husbands! (Eph. 5:33b). I have to say that I have realized a whole lot about myself and a whole lot about us as women when it comes to how we treat our husbands. Most of the tongue lashings that occur from the pulpit give the husbands a firm talking to and even though most of the words from this passage in Ephesians 5 is written to husbands, the Lord still has instruction for us. Take note!

This all started several weeks ago when I was at the gym one afternoon. I was working out beside a young couple – well, they were working out – I was attempting to work out! Anyway, they were both poster children for fitness. She was young, petite, tan and you could have “launched” a quarter off of any part of her body. He was very much the same however, you could tell that maybe he had enjoyed one too many burgers here or there but not enough to take any measure of negative effect on the overall picture. As I did my planks (face down, which was a good thing) it was all I could do not to intervene! This woman sliced and diced her husband for a solid hour over his eating habits, his “weight gain” and his weak physique. As I looked over at him I could see the bitterness and hatred that was welling up inside of him. It would only be a matter of time…

On my way home, I couldn’t get that scene out of my head. And then it dawned on me: It doesn’t matter how good you look, how fit you are and how much you have on the ball, if you don’t respect your man you are walking on a very thin rope. I have seen lots of men with women who were not as fit, not as smart and not as beautiful as they are handsome and I have wondered, “what gives?” Now, I know! That woman respects her man!

Ladies, let me say this, a man will stay with a woman who makes him feel good about himself! Now, don’t get me wrong, that’s not the whole shooting match but it makes up for lack in other areas. God knew what he was saying when he instructed us to respect our husbands. Men desire respect like we desire love. It is their life blood! When was the last time you took the time to VERBALLY encourage your husband? To thank him for all that he does for your family? To build him up with admiration and honor not expecting a compliment in return? Just pure self-less lip service…

At this point you may be thinking back on the scene at the gym and saying, “that’s not me! I’ve never done that to my husband in a public place before.” Yeah, me neither! But I have in our home and I have in my heart. And you know what? He knows it! Girls, guys might be simple but they aren’t stupid! They know where they stand in your book. You don’t have to say it for them to read your actions, interpret your tone or feel the cold shoulder. A man has to fight for respect everywhere he goes but the one place he shouldn’t have to fight for respect is in his own home from his own flesh! I know you might be saying, “Well, you don’t know my husband.” You’re right. But I don’t have to. I know what the Lord has instructed and I also know that maybe, just maybe your husband is the way he is because your lack of respect has turned into a vicious cycle of selfish, bitterness where you are both withholding what the other wants…and it is sin!

I’ll close with this: we always talk about the Proverbs 31 woman in Christian circles. We put those verses on coffee cups, carry them on our keychains and hang them on plaques in our offices. Well, let me give you a verse straight out of Proverbs 31. Verse 12 says, “She (the wife) does him (the husband) good and not evil ALL the days of her life! All the days! All the days….good and not evil..and that means verbally, that means in her heart.

Girls, if you have a man that loves Jesus, goes to work to provide for you (no matter what his job is!) and he loves you – you have a good man! And..you better tell him so because there are plenty of desperate women out there looking for a good man who will be glad to take him off your hands!! Wives, respect your husbands!

And to my man: Kraig, I love you! Thank you for working hard, loving Jesus, loving our kids, loving me and being home at night! I thank God for you…you are His grace gift to me! Song of Songs 2:10

My Horoscope

Don’t you just love those tests you can take online that will tell you what your name means or what personality traits you can derive from your name? I always love to take my birth date, name or some other set of facts about myself and plug them into a totally erroneous formula to see the accuracy of the results. They always say things like loving, energetic, creative and planning for the future. These can all be true some of the time. They never say things like hormonal, Type-A, hates housework and requires a minimum of 8 hours sleep to function with a smile. These can all be true most of the time. But, who wants to put that on a coffee cup or in their resume’ bio?

Some people do the same with horoscopes or tarot cards; and let’s not forget the latest t.v. sensation, Long Island medium who claims to channel the dead. My take on that: if you pay attention to what people say, ask the right questions and read their reactions then you could “channel the dead” too! The truth is, if you make descriptions broad enough you’ll get it right some of the time. The sad thing is, often, people base their lives around readings from the stars, the fortune cookie proverbs or messages from their loved ones who have passed away.

It isn’t often, however, that we encounter people who base their lives around the truth of scripture. Hebrews 4:12 says, “The word of God is LIVING and ACTIVE and SHARPER than any two-edged sword, piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”

Let’s examine that verse for a minute. First the word of God is ALIVE. The word “living” represents an on-going present tense. The word of God is not alive one minute and then dead the next as we sometimes have a tendency to believe. Scripture makes claims about itself. In fact, the entire chapter of Psalm 119 is only about the word of God. One claim that is found over and over is the eternality of scripture. The word of God is everlasting and will endure forever. So, we may think that the word of God is not applicable to us today but that’s not what it says. As the living, breathing word of God, it is dynamic not static.

Second, the word of God is ACTIVE. Have you ever encountered anything that you thought might be dead because it doesn’t move? In July, I had a reception that was set up outside. A few hours before the ceremony, a turtle made its way onto the dance floor under the tent and then closed up shop. Once he got there, he never moved; at one point, we thought he might be dead. However, when we encounter something that is moving, working and active we never question if it is alive. It’s alive, because it is active. Dead things don’t move but things that are alive are active. Hence, the word of God is alive, active, effective and it always completes the task that it sets out to do. Isaiah 55:11 states it plainly, “So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, without accomplishing what I desire, and without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.”

Thirdly, the word of God is SHARP. In fact, it is sharper than a two-edged sword. The double edged sword is a powerful weapon because it cuts both ways. It cuts on the top and the bottom and it cuts going in and coming out. Imagine the precision of the cut produced by a two-edged sword! Totally clean, totally precise and totally effective. I don’t suppose there are many tasks that are not thoroughly complete after encounter with a double edged sword! However, the idea here is not just in the precision of the word but also in the purpose of the word. Scripture serves to convict in its proclamation yet comfort in its exhortation. Therefore, scripture can be used to comfort or convict by the power of the Holy Spirit who acts as the applying agent in our hearts.

The verse goes on to expound on the imagery of the sword’s sharpness. It says that it can pierce through the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow. The analogy is two- fold here. The terms soul and spirit representing the intangible, immaterial part of us; joints and marrow representing the material or fleshly part of us. This does not mean that the word of God pierces us physically but it represents completeness in its ability to do its job. Scripture is so precise in its job that it can get to the very heart of who we are; the inner most parts that even we cannot see. Likewise, it can address those things externally that don’t line up with the truth of scripture as well. Like a good surgeon’s scalpel, the word of God convicts completely and precisely.

The verse wraps up by leaving nothing to spare in its description. If we don’t get the picture through the two adjectives “living and active” or by the imagery of the two-edged sword then the author drives it home with the last line, “and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” No matter how we try as humans we will never be able to accurately discern the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Jeremiah says that, “the heart is deceitful above ALL things and desperately wicked; who can know it?” The word of God knows the heart, it discerns the heart, it lays claim to the hidden, secret thoughts of the heart.

This may be the very reason that we find ourselves either running from the truth of scripture, taking scripture out of context, shooting the messenger or adopting a buffet mentality when applying it to our lives. No one likes the feeling of conviction but the purpose of conviction is sweet. Conviction strives to heal what is broken, release what has been imprisoned and restore what has been lost. Conviction is a gift to the believer, a light to the unbeliever and streams of water in a dry, thirsty land. Conviction rights our thinking, brings us to repentance and restores fellowship with our Savior.

Beloved, if you are far from the living, active, sharp word of God, run to it! It is a strong tower, a refuge, a hope and a light for our darkened paths. All scripture is literally “breathed out by God”. It is the very sweet, hot, breath of our God who, in His grace, is teaching us, warning us and revealing Himself to us that we might not sin against Him. What goodness from the hand of a loving Father who desires to see His children grow, be safe and know Him. That’s what any good, earthly father wants for his own children. How much more our Abba Father, Savior and King!

Seasons of Rain

It’s good to be writing again. Summer does a number on my writing schedule. Thankfully, you don’t need me. The Lord always has multiple channels for His word and it does not return void. Amen and amen.

Usually when I write I am inspired by what the Lord is teaching me through scripture I am studying or circumstances around me. Sometimes things go in cycles or there seem to be themes in life. Just recently I was meditating on how many tragedies we had been privy to in the last six weeks. It began with a friend, a young man of 38, who had a massive stroke and almost lost his life. He is home but, by no means, out of the woods. Several weeks later we got a call on a Friday evening that a dear friend had taken her own life after a long and weary battle with depression. Her parents, as unbelievers, sorrow with no hope as they struggle their way through this darkness. Then, this past Monday evening, we were shocked with the news that a young boy that goes to school with our children was hit by a car and remains in serious condition.
It’s enough to make you say, “What in the world is going on?”

Jesus said in His teaching from the sermon on the mount, “(God) sends rain on the just and the unjust” (Matt. 5:45); meaning, everyone, whether believer or unbeliever experiences rain. Rain can be a blessing or a curse depending on the circumstances.

In the case of people who live in arid climates or make their living from farming, rain is a highly prized and greatly desired commodity. Rain in Israel was a sign of blessing and refreshing from the Lord. There is great imagery in the Old Testament that talks about “trees planted by rivers of water” or “streams in the desert.” Israel would have automatically associated these descriptions with blessing and prosperity.

On the other hand, in Matthew 7:24-27, Jesus tells a parable of two builders who both built houses and endured a great storm. In this case, the rain was not welcome. The scripture says that the floods came, the winds blew and “slammed” against the house. Of the two houses, one was left standing, the other was not.

The question for us is not “if” the rains come but “when” the rains come what will be our foundation? For those who struggle in the midst of these grievous trials described above the difference is not in the nature of the trial but the comfort in the trial. You see, we are promised in Isaiah 43:2, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overtake you.” See the beginning word in that statement? When. When you encounter this stroke, this death of a loved one, this accident with your child, when you encounter THIS, I will be with you! That is the difference. We have One who sticks closer than a brother. His Spirit is within us and He will not, nor can not leave us because we are sealed; sealed until the day of redemption. You believer, when you suffer, are not alone.

Which points to the next question: But who is in charge of the rain? Try as we might to predict the rain and take appropriate action we are not able to control it. God, in His mercy, sends literal rain to replenish the earth, cleanse the earth and show his sovereignty over His creation. As God also, in His mercy, sends the storms of life to replenish us, cleanse us and show His sovereignty in our lives.

Therefore, God uses the rain to accomplish His purpose. And His purpose is always to display His glory through the gospel of His Son, Jesus Christ. Do you want to know what God’s purpose is in anything? His purpose is always elevating, proclaiming and drawing people to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Just like any other Father He is most proud of His Son! First, for who Jesus is, as the perfect Son of God but mostly for what He has done in becoming the object of God’s wrath that was rightly due to sinners like you and I.

Beloved, who can know the mind of God? We may never have answers for the floods in life, whether bad…or good. We can’t answer why bad things happen any more than we can answer why good things happen other than to say, “It rains on the just and the unjust.” However, we can know that our GOOD Father is accomplishing His purpose in bringing attention to the gospel and that we have God as our comfort.

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;

He plants His footsteps in the sea

And rides upon the storm.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread

Are big with mercy and shall break

In blessings on your head.
His purposes will ripen fast,

Unfolding every hour;

The bud may have a bitter taste,

But sweet will be the flower.

Meditations on Power Outages, Extreme Heat, Violent Storms and Eternity

It is by grace that you have power and not of yourselves… So, if you are in Central Virginia you are keenly aware of the tongue-in-cheek nature of this statement! If not, be grateful! For those of you who understand you can skip over the details however, I will take the time to expound for those who weren’t able to share in the joys of July without power. Almost 2 weeks ago, the better part of Virginia experienced a storm system complete with high-powered winds that wreaked havoc on most of the state. The governor has said that this was the 5th largest power outage in history leaving 900,000 people without power. (That last statement is hearsay since I didn’t have internet access to be able to verify its validity.) To top it off, we were experiencing extreme temperatures that sent the heat index well into the 100s. In the midst of all of this, the mayor of our city informed citizens that there was officially no more ice available for purchase! Now, you want to talk about a recipe for irritability? If it weren’t for the handful of gas stations, fast food restaurants and groceries stores (that were packed, by the way) we might have had the perfect storm for total anarchy!! We don’t do too well as Americans when faced with any level of discomfort. Alas, I speak as a hypocrite because as I write to you my computer cord is plugged securely into the wall, the A.C. is set at a tolerable 72 degrees and my ice maker has just dumped a large deposit of frozen commodity into the ice bin. I will say that I probably thanked Jesus no less than 25 times, or as often as I thought about it, for electricity. We were one of very few who were not impacted by the loss of electricity and boy, am I glad!! Admittedly, I felt a little guilty and left out; guilty, that I was not sharing in the sufferings of my fellow citizens and left out of the “sweatin’ for your life” club. Not enough to flip my breaker but I was with you in spirit! But, all is not lost because this situation has given me time to think (since you can do that when you’re cool) and meditate. True to character, the Lord used this time to convict me on many levels. That’s the danger of thinking and meditating as a sinner – conviction is sure to come! The harder part comes in admitting the sin but restoration is a sweet thing! Since you are female, like me, I’m sure you’re dying to know all about my sin and I have a good mind to share it with you right now so lean in… Sin number one: I CRAVE comfort! I was so thankful for the fact that we weren’t sweltering that it turned into an idol! Every time the wind blew, thunder rumbled and lighting struck I began to immediately fear finally losing power and being just like everyone else, miserable. My thankfulness for not losing power was almost a way of saying to God, “See, I’m grateful that we have power, so PLEASE don’t take it away! At least I’m not taking it for granted!” You know what the Holy Spirit said to me (not audibly – I don’t believe in that) the last time I told the Lord I was so grateful we hadn’t lost power? He said, “If only you were so grateful for your salvation.” Mmmmm, crushed everyone of my toes. Just tore up the pink polish on them and everything! Yep, I was guilty, guilty and guilty. I had taken for granted the true power source in my life. I would rather substitute the temporal comfort and be immensely grateful for it rather than the real deal! Which brings me to my second sin: my concern for the comfort of others. I extended the invitation to many friends and family during this time to share our home. Whether it was a shower, a freezer or just a bit of conditioned air, I want to make sure that we were sharing our resources with others. After all, God had blessed us with the invaluable resource of comfort! It’s a curious thing, though, I’m not nearly as concerned about the eternal comfort of those around me. Although I wanted family and friends to be clean, fed, cool and refreshed until their power returned why don’t I work and worry and extend an invitation that is infinitely more gracious than a few hours of temporary Southern hospitality? Isn’t eternal punishment far beyond anything we could comprehend? Why am I so concerned over physical light rather than spiritual darkness? My last sin (for the minute): cheapening grace. Just as we had no way of choosing to have power while most of the city went without, so we have not chosen salvation. Ephesians 2:8-9 says, “ For by GRACE you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the GIFT of God; not as a result of works , so that no one may boast.” Power had been a common grace to us over those few days. Salvation is a spiritual grace that will never end! I chose neither… In Luke 16: 19-31 there is a true and terrifying story of a rich man and a beggar named Lazarus. In this parable, the rich man lived a life surrounded with all that money could buy. Scripture says that, “He habitually dressed in purple and fine linen, joyously living in splendor every day. Lazarus, on the other hand, sat at his (the rich man’s) gate, lame, covered in sores, poor and hungry. The parable goes on to say that both men died. Lazarus, carried away by angels, rested in Abraham’s bosom, another expression for heaven. The rich man, in Hades, another expression for hell, cries out in agony. Through this passage we learn several things about hell: it is eternal, it is torment, there is fire, there is no relief, it is a separate from heaven and it is an unchangeable reality. The rich man enjoyed all of his comforts on earth while Lazarus suffered, but all too soon the tables turned. It didn’t take the rich man long to realize the finality of his eternity. He pleaded that Lazarus would be sent to his family to warn them of the pending torment of hell. He is convinced that if someone were to come back from the dead and warn them that they would repent. The parable ends with this verse, “If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets (a.k.a. the scriptures), they will not be persuaded even if someone rises from the dead.” The truth is, someone has risen from the dead and yet, people have not repented. They have been warned and continue to resist the obvious sign that is Jesus resurrected. No amount of time without power, no matter how high temperatures rise, there is no comparison to the fires of eternal judgment. We set ourselves up for extreme comfort here but do little to think past this life for ourselves or others. I have been overwhelmingly grateful for power but starkly ungrateful for the One “who has blessed us with EVERY spiritual blessing in the heavenly places IN CHRIST.” Ladies, this is the true power supply, Christ. We have every blessing because of Christ. No Christ, no power, now or for eternity. Power is a precious commodity. The power of Christ infinitely more precious… “Would you be free from the burden of sin? There’s pow’r in the blood, pow’r in the blood! Would you o’er satan a victory win? There’s wonderful pow’r in the blood! There is pow’r, pow’r wonder working pow’r in the blood of the Lamb. There is pow’r, pow’r wondering working pow’r in the precious blood of the Lamb.”

The Gift of Suffering

It is fascinating to me how we can look at things in nature and apply them as an analogy to our lives. Scripture does this quite often. Jesus, in the parables, used everyday things such as seed, trees, vines and pearls to drive home lessons about the glory of His kingdom. Jesus was extremely practical in His teaching for those who had ears to hear. The same is true today for us if we will choose to do a little investigation into customs and processes that are mentioned in scripture. Take for instance the process of refining precious metals. Often in scripture we see a reference to the purifying work of trials that serve to rid our lives of sin and draw us close to our Savior. Gold is a great gift but suffering? How can that be compared to the beauty and worth of gold? Suffering is indeed part of the human condition. Because of the pervasiveness of sin we will all suffer. For those who have eyes to see, it doesn't take venturing far from your front door to encounter the ailment of the human condition. Scripture even talks about the groaning within creation itself because of the weight of sin. The trees suffer, the atmosphere suffers, the oceans suffer under the weight of sin. For many of you, suffering is a present reality. There are hurts that are emotional, physical and mental. The pain can often be more than we think we are able to bear. We deal with suffering in many ways. Some of us medicate ourselves as a means of escape. Others attempt to live in denial by ignoring the problem. If you are like me, you immediately begin to pray that the suffering would pass. You cry out for an answer, for reprieve from painful circumstances. One thing is certain, we don't pray for more suffering and we rarely, if ever, rejoice in the gift. The gift of suffering. A Gift. Like Gold. Those two words are oxymorons. Anyone would automatically see that a gift and suffering do not belong in the same sentence....or do they? "Count it all joy my sisters when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience (endurance, perseverance). And let patience have its perfect work so that you may be complete lacking nothing." (James 1: 2-4) "In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ." (1 Peter 1: 6-7) "All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11) Here are three different books of the Bible, all written by different authors, that address suffering. But the instruction is the same. What can we learn about suffering as a refining fire from these brief passages of scripture? First, we learn that joy and trials should go hand in hand. Why? Because we are being molded into the image of Christ. Literally, the image of God! The image of His cherished Son. The One that He loves above all. Can you grasp that concept? We aren't being made into better versions of ourselves or even better versions of someone else. We are being completely TRANSFORMED into something totally different and infinitely beautiful. Let's look at the analogy that Peter gives about being tested by fire. If you have ever seen precious metals or jewels in their natural state they don't look anything like what you see in a jewelry store. When men go out to mine gold they aren't discovering pirate's treasure. Mining is hard, dangerous work. The hard, dull rocks that are unearthed are far from the shining finished product that make up our jewelry and coins. On the contrary, one would be hard pressed to sell gold in its natural state to the average consumer. Unless, he was selling to someone with a trained eye who knows the end result. Jesus sees with the trained eye. Scripture tell us that He knows the beginning from the end. In other words, He can tell the story backwards! He is always keeping the end in mind as He allows trials in our lives. When Christ purchased us through His death on the cross we were ugly, hard, dull rocks. There was nothing in us deserving or worthy of that purchase. Jesus purchased us with a purpose. That purpose being the glory of His great name. God intends to mold us into the image of Christ for praise, glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. However, being molded into His image is difficult, hot, uncomfortable work. Take the opportunity sometime to go online and watch a tutorial on the refining process. This process, known as smelting, requires an intense amount of heat, pressure and poisonous chemicals. This is the only means by which gold can be purified. The purpose of smelting is to bring metals in a solid state to a liquid state. Once liquified, the impurities, also known as dross, rise to the top and can be skimmed off. The higher the heat, the purer the metal. What results is literally, pure gold. The first step in the gold smelting process occurs when ore containing gold is mined from the earth. At this point, the crude binding matter and the gold metal need to be separated. This is accomplished by pulverizing or crushing the gold ore, and then placing it in a furnace. The furnace must reach temperatures in excess of 1064 degrees Celsius, in order to elevate the gold above its melting point. Second, we learn that trials produce righteousness and reveal genuineness of faith. There is nothing that proves so competent in revealing the true nature of our hearts toward God than hardship. It is easy during times of peace and favorable circumstances to glorify and worship the Lord. It is altogether different in seasons of trial. The crucible of suffering reveals where our security, loyalty and trust lies. When things are taken from us, prayers go unanswered and trouble abounds we are inept at hiding our impurities. It is then and only then that they can be brought to the surface and skimmed off leaving behind genuine faith. While many impurities are burned off in the furnace, other metals remain. Gold ore extracted from mines in the earth contains a significant amount of impurities, including traces of other metals. In order to separate the gold from other metals, chemicals such as cyanide solution or mercury are introduced to the gold. This process causes the gold to coagulate, and form nuggets and clumps of gold. Lastly, suffering is the means by which we are made like Christ. Romans 8:17 states, "if indeed we suffer with Him so we may also be glorified with Him." Once gold has been refined it can then be useful for many things. However, it is once again placed under intense heat to mold it into the final product. Whether it serves as jewelry or currency its final state is more valuable than the way in which it was found. After the gold smelting process is complete, the gold is melted once more, and poured into molds to form ingots. Later, the gold ingots may be used for various purposes fulfilled best by this precious metal. Some of this gold is used for jewelry or electronics contacts and may later be recycled for other uses. In the event that gold from jewelry or electronics is to be recycled, the scrap gold must go through another smelting process in order to be considered pure once more. When we are conformed to the image of Christ we are put through our own smelting process at the hands of the ultimate Creator, Designer and Potter. James says that as perseverance has its perfect work we will be complete, lacking nothing. As the believer, once we arrive at the place where we are complete and lack nothing then we will be like Christ. Our transformation will be complete and we will be glorified with Him! The greatest gift we can receive is the gift that molds us into the image of our Father. The greatest compliment we can receive is "You look just like your Dad!" The temporary fiery trials that we endured now are securing an eternal weight of glory that far surpasses anything we can think or imagine. Gold is highly prized not just for its beauty but also because it does not rust or tarnish over time. Yet scripture says that gold is perishable...but our faith is not! Our faith, which is being perfected, is eternal. Although no one enjoys suffering at the time (Heb. 12:11) when we begin to see the greater purpose we can learn to suffer well, with hope that what we are going through matters. And it does matter, sweet one, yes it does!

Biblically Navigating Girl Politics

Raising kids grants you a new and different perspective in life. You not only see their sinful nature but your own as well. Case in point: girl politics. In other words, social etiquette for navigating the rocky seas of growing up female! If you are of the XX chromosomal gene pool and you have drawn breath past the age of two then you are keenly aware of what I am about to say. Having been highly feminine, overly sensitive and ridiculously dramatic since birth I have charted the tumultuous waters of friendship with many lessons learned! This proves invaluable in the present raising of one identical offspring, age nine.

I anxiously waited for the day when she would come home and reveal her first experience with this ugly reality. I hoped against hope that it would not come. I tried to forecast my own reaction. Would I become the over protective, helicopter Mom, swooping in to fight her fight, right the wrong and set the record straight? Would I take the blame off of her shoulders and commiserate with her about the inconsiderate, mean girl? Would I help her plot revenge with a scathing comeback or a party without an extended invitation? Well, if I’m honest (and I have to be honest since this is a Christian blog) I thought about all of these and then some. Fortunately, thanks be to God, I didn’t share my thoughts with my daughter! Although, I suppose she had the same thoughts as well.

However, when the day came, I found myself, surprisingly, removed from the emotion of the situation and doing the very opposite of what I had ever expected: I corrected her. I first determined with my feminine superpowers that quite possibly my daughter might be coloring the story from her perspective for my benefit. I know most women don’t ever do that but I thought just maybe…

After much interrogation about how the whole scenario went down I came to the conclusion that both my daughter and the other girl were at fault. Usually insult begets insult. So, I immediately addressed her actions rather than the other party. Why? Because her actions are what she is responsible for; they are what she can control. As we began to talk she immediately began to excuse her words based on the other girl. This would be affectionately known as the “blame game”. “If she hadn’t said _____, then I wouldn’t have said _____.” We have an affinity for this in our species. Ask any man alive and he would most likely say that it is ALWAYS his fault!

I quickly brought the conversation to a halt, prayed silently for godly wisdom and began to think of what scripture requires of us. Lest you think that scripture is silent about girl politics, I am here to tell you, thankfully, it is not! First, we are told to love our neighbor as ourselves (Luke 10:27). Secondly, we are told not to think of ourselves more highly than we ought to but to esteem others above ourselves (Rom. 12:3;16). Thirdly, we are told, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Rom. 12:18). Lastly, we are told not to repay evil for evil but repay evil with good (I Thess. 5:15).

Yep, it’s all there in black and white. But the thing that struck me as more important than the actual instruction was the silent, understood “you”. In other words, these are imperatives, not declaratives or suggestions. We could rephrase them this way: YOU love your neighbor as yourself. YOU esteem others above yourself. YOU live at peace with everyone. YOU repay evil with good. You see, there are no contingencies here. There is never a time when we are dependent upon the actions of someone else in order for us to fulfill these instructions. These are not if/then, cause/effect reactions.

So, in addressing the sticky, hurtful, emotional and often confusing world of growing up with girls I put the oneness back on her; which then caused me to put the oneness back on myself. This isn’t to say that there aren’t times when the other person is wrong but I’m not responsible for them, I’m responsible for me. You are responsible for you. She is responsible for herself. I often tell me daughter, “When you get to heaven Jesus isn’t going to ask you to answer for anyone else but He is going to ask you to answer for you.” Of course that is a simplistic way of looking at it but it helps her to understand three valuable lessons: 1) she must keep her eyes on herself, 2) her mouth CLOSED and 3) minding her own business. Scripture says that plain and clear in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “make it your ambition to lead a QUIET life and attend to your OWN business..” Ha! Don’t you just love scripture? I need that plastered to the walls of my brain! How about you??

We were talking the other day and I tried to clear up some of the muddiness for her (and me) by saying this: “You are going to have bad days, so are other people; give them grace. You will not like everyone and everyone will not like you; be kind, give them love.” I think it spoke to me more than it spoke to her!

Ladies, Jesus never commanded us to like everyone but He did command us to love everyone. By nature we are offenders and we are offend-ed and offend-ing all the time. It is so important that we do the right thing and teach our girls to do the same. We need to love with the love of Christ, forgive, forbear and just let some things go. Lastly, sometimes we just need to keep our mouths shut! If I have said it once to her I have said it a thousand times, “As women, our mouths will get us in trouble more than anything else!”

In closing, read Romans 12: 9-21 for guidance in girl politics for your girls…and for yourselves because little bees grow up to be queens and things don’t change much in the hive! Amen!!

Post-resurrection Etiquette

Wow! What a weekend! Sleepovers, food, Easter egg hunts, food, sunrise service, food, worship service and more food – do you see a pattern? It has been a wonderful, filling weekend of rest, reflection and retreat. I can think of no better time to pause from work and the day to day busyness than to celebrate the death, burial and resurrection of Christ. There is indeed something within that most divine work of redemption that begs us to give pause in our lives.

But today is Monday. Some of you have an additional day off from work which if your company is “p.c.” they are now calling a “spring” holiday. Others are headed back to the daily grind and it is just another week that we hope goes by quickly so that we can welcome our weekend as soon as possible.

We will hurriedly turn our attention from the empty tomb to the empty pocket book, the empty fridge, the empty house, the empty marriage, the empty self, forgetting all that has taken place over the weekend. We will forget the grief of Calvary and the celebration of a stone rolled away. Soon enough the high of the worship will fade and the cares of life will snatch away our Easter joy. How fickle we are; fickle and forgetful.

The nation of Israel was successful in proving this long before there ever was an Easter. God knew that they would soon forget all that He had done for them so He constantly admonished them to “Remember, remember and do not forget.” But even this would not be enough so God in His gracious love provided ceremonies and rituals that would serve as reminders to His people of what He had done for them. Not only that, but He foretold a beautiful story through each event of what He would do for them through their Messiah who was to come.

They were to be perpetual reminders. We can see numerous examples in scripture from the memorial altars to the feasts and the temple sacrifices. All these serve as a clarion call to remember the “Lord your God” consistently throughout the year. They were also to be generational reminders. The Lord instructed them to tell their children so that the greatness of God toward His people would never be forgotten. They were to be attesting reminders. In the fourth chapter of Joshua, after Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground, God instructed them to set up stones as a reminder of the miracle He had performed there so “that all of the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, so that you may fear the Lord your God forever.” These observances also served as a witness to pagan nations about the One True God.

The most important of all feasts was the feast of Passover. God instituted this feast upon the return of Israel from their exile in Egypt. God says in Exodus 12: 42: “It is a night to be observed for the Lord for having brought them out from the land of Egypt: this night is for the Lord, to be observed by all the sons of Israel throughout their generations.” Every year the entire nation was to cease from everyday tasks and travel to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Keep in mind this is long before the days of Delta and Greyhound. This was in the days of Israeli Foot-lines and Donkey Saddle-ways. You didn’t hop on your donkey on Friday, spend a long weekend in Jerusalem and head back home on Monday. The journey, depending on where you lived, could take days. It took time and preparation and EFFORT to celebrate Passover.
Then, depending on your time to get home, you had opportunity to meditate on what had occurred.

Jesus celebrated Passover with His disciples the night before His crucifixion. At that time He established a new ordinance; the Lord’s Supper. Jesus was putting an end to the old covenant that had been established by the law. But, by His death, He would institute a new covenant with His blood. Likewise, He left us a reminder of His new covenant in The Lord’s Supper. He told His disciples, “This do in REMEMBRANCE of Me.” Jesus was creating a new ceremony that serves as a perpetual reminder to us of His work on the cross. However, He doesn’t stop there. In His time with the disciples that evening He encourages them by telling them that He will not “drink of this of the fruit of the vine from now on until the kingdom of God comes” (Luke 22: 18). Jesus is letting them know that He is coming again.

You see, the disciples had heard all that Jesus had to say about His death but they didn’t fully believe it. Many of them didn’t even believe that He had risen from the dead until they saw His resurrected body. But He continued to promise them that He would come again for them. Eventually they believed and the evidence was visible. It says in the last verse of Luke that they “were continually in the temple praising God.” The resurrection had changed their lives! It wouldn’t take long after Pentecost to see how deeply the resurrection had impacted them. Each of them boldly proclaimed the truth of what they had seen. Each of them endured continual persecution and all but one died martyrs deaths.

Do you think when the first Easter rolled around on their calendar that they celebrated for the weekend and then picked up on Monday where they had left off on Thursday? Do you think that they celebrated the Lord’s Supper, sang a few hymns, made their token visit to the temple and then got on with life? No! These men lived every day after the resurrection for the gospel, in remembrance of Christ. Their lives were offerings and sweet smelling sacrifices to God for His final and complete work on the cross. Mostly, they lived with the end in mind. They lived with a sense of urgency and kingdom perspective knowing that Jesus was coming again. Do you?

So today is Monday and unless God deems otherwise we are still here and the Master’s coming is not yet at hand. How will you live today in light of the imminent return of Christ? The tomb is empty. He is risen and oh yes, He is coming again. Will you live with the same sense of urgency, the same gospel centrality, the same kingdom mindset or will you be as the servant, who when His Master returned He found him eating and drinking, distracted by the cares of his heart? To which the Jesus states, “and that slave who knew his master’s will and did not get ready or act in accord with his will, will receive many lashes. From everyone who has been given much, much will be required” (Luke 12:47;48b)

In ancient cultures slaves would set the table for each meal much like we would today. After bringing plates and goblets they would finish the place setting with a cloth to be used to wipe one’s face, hands and beard. If the master at anytime got up during the meal the servant could determine based on the cloth whether or not the master was finished. If the cloth was waded up and tossed to the side then this indicated that the master was done. If the cloth was folded and laid aside this indicated he was coming back.

In the recount of the resurrection John 20:6-7 reads “And so Simon Peter also came, following him and entered the tomb; and he saw the linen wrappings lying there and the face-cloth which had been on His head, not lying with the linen wrappings but folded up in a place by itself.” Our Master is coming back. The grave said so, the Word says so and Jesus Himself said so. What will be your post-resurrection etiquette? Will you heed the reminder or will you foolishly assume that the Master is busy with other things? “Therefore, be on the alert, for you do not know which day your Lord is coming” (Matthew 24:42).

Choosing Forgiveness: It Is Finished!

I can hardly believe that our time together is over! We have journeyed long and hard through forgiveness and hopefully we find ourselves in a new found freedom. How appropriate that we arrive at freedom on the day that reminds us of the work that purchased our forgiveness, our freedom. We are each Barabbas, the guilty criminal, who has been freed and Jesus goes to take our place!

I stated at the outset that forgiveness is never easy and the deeper the hurt, the harder it is to grant forgiveness. We have comfort in the fact that Jesus knows the pain of forgiveness. The very reason that we celebrate instead of lament over the crucifixion is because it secures our forgiveness. It cost God the Son His life to atone for our sins and even make forgiveness a possibility. Even as Jesus hung dying He left us an example in the words, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

We tend to hear these words and believe that there was something divine within Christ that overrode His humanity. We tell ourselves that this was Jesus, Son of God who made these statements rather than Jesus, Son of Man. For surely no man could look at His murderers, seeing their hatred and utter such words of compassion. J.C. Ryle wrote, “These words were probably spoken as our Lord was being nailed to the cross, or as soon as the cross was reared up on end. It is a worthy remark that as soon as the blood of the Great Sacrifice began to flow, the great High Priest began to intercede.”

I can scarcely contain emotion over that thought. At the moment when the full agony of the cross became a reality, when the post was dropped with a jarring blow into the ground and the weight of His body was borne by the nails through His wrists and feet, He thought not of revenge but of forgiveness. He thought not of Himself but of His enemies. Enemies that could now be made friends; not just friends but sons, daughters and heirs…by grace through faith in the cross alone.

He thought of the men who had scourged Him with a whip that had shards of bone and metal woven into its strands. He thought of those who had mocked Him placing a faded purple robe and a crown of thorns on His head. He thought of those who cursed Him and hurled insults, blasphemed and derided Him. He thought of those who drove the spikes into His flesh, gambled for His clothes and offered Him nothing but vinegar to quench His thirst…and He thought of you and me. He thought of every sin that had ever been committed since the fall in the garden and every sin that would ever be committed until He comes to judge the living and the dead.

You see, up to this point in history the only atonement for sin was a temporary covering by the blood of animals. The slaughter never stopped. Year after year, thousands of people traveled to Jerusalem to celebrate Passover. Year after year, ¼ million lambs were sacrificed between Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. It is estimated that it took 600 priests killing 4 lambs a minute in order to accomplish this bloody task. Can you even imagine the scene? The sight? The sound? All of this because sin must be dealt with, somehow, some way…

Was it up to God to make a way for Him to forgive us? Was it up to Him to atone for our sin? Death is the just penalty for our sin yet grace makes a way for life and life eternal. Jesus bore the just penalty that belongs to me and to you for our sins. He bore it as a perfect, spotless Lamb; the very pet Lamb of God. On that Friday when the priests were making preparation to begin their work, in the distance Jesus cried, “It is finished!” There was no need for them to even go to work that
day. The Great High Priest had made intercession ONCE, for all.

Jesus came to do the work of Prophet, Priest and King but He also came to be the prophecy, the sacrifice and the kingdom. Every day of His earthly life pointed to the day when He would be the sacrificial lamb, the atoning sacrifice, the amelioration for our sins. His ministry was the ministry of reconciliation, forgiveness, restoration…

As we close out our week and as the sun sets on this Sabbath Day I hope that you will marvel at the darkness that overtook the earth 2000 years ago, the earthquake that broke the ground apart and the power that tore the temple veil from top to bottom. The price for sin had been paid. Forgiveness had been secured and the lamb lay slain for you and for me. The blood was plentiful, pure and precious.

What would you hold on to that is more grievous than this? What is the prison that is so tightly sealed that the freedom of Calvary cannot penetrate? What is the darkness that blinds you from the sunrise of Easter morning? Take your burdens to the cross and leave them there. Hear your Savior saying, “Father, forgive her, she knows not what she does” and then go and do likewise.

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Eight

Wow! Ladies, we have covered a lot of ground together in the last two weeks. It is hard to believe that it is almost over but we still have some work to do before we close the door on this subject. Forgiveness is such a formidable topic. It literally spans the entire canon of scripture and it is an issue that affects anyone and everyone. Not only that, it can be such a sensitive issue, but thankfully, I am not relying on my own opinions. My opinions carry no power, effectiveness or transforming abilities but thankfully the Word of God is “living, active and sharper than any two-edged sword!”

Girls, the Word of God is totally able to give you a command, equip you to follow through with it and make it stick! The freedom that God is calling you to in choosing forgiveness is real and accessible. Reach out and grab it with both hands and don’t let go!

We left off yesterday with the unfortunate reality that forgiveness is not always a restoration in relationship. I have heard it said before that sometimes you have to part with the cross between you. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the wise counsel of Pastors, Elders and friends in deciding to terminate a relationship that is not God-honoring.

Let’s pick up where we left off:

9)Forgiveness IS good for the body of Christ
Unforgiveness in the body of Christ causes dissension. Have you ever been caught in the middle of two church members who are mad at each other? Is there anything messier and more disgusting then the way these things play out? You’ve got both sides constantly trying to drag others in, always telling their side of the story in order to persuade someone to jump on their bandwagon and overall sucking the Spirit right out of the fellowship. It’s enough to make you want to hurt somebody! And obviously hurting somebody isn’t good for the body of Christ…

A little levity is always good but the truth is that forgiveness restores unity and unity among God’s people is always the ideal! Hebrews 12:14-15, “Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.” When we choose to harbor unforgiveness and bitterness results MANY become defiled. So, we are to strive for peace with everyone. Selah, girls, selah!

10)Forgiveness IS a spiritual war
There is a great battle going on between the kingdom of light and the kingdom of darkness and these battles are fought daily when we choose to forgive or not to forgive. We cannot be ignorant when it comes to our enemy and the tactics he employs! When we withhold forgiveness we begin to see flesh and blood as our enemy. But scripture tells us that we don’t wrestle against flesh and blood. If Satan can get us to hate an unbeliever than we will never share the gospel with them. Likewise, if he can get us to hate a believer then he can cause dissension. Either way, we are rendered ineffective for the kingdom of God. The joke is really on us and we end up losing on all fronts.

I often remind myself when I am easily offended to “consider the source”. Let me explain. If Satan is our arch enemy and we wrestle not against flesh and blood then how is it that we end up fighting with flesh and blood? Do you realize that unbelievers are energized by Satan? Although that statement sounds harsh Jesus Himself said that unbelievers are “of [their] father, the devil. You cannot expect unbelievers to have the same capacity or really any capacity for forgiveness because they have not known the infinite forgiveness of Christ. They are dead and unable to do the things that would lead to restoration.

On the other hand, believers often cooperate with Satan. Even though they can’t be possessed, they can be oppressed by him. Remember we are all sanctified in various times, in various ways and at various speeds. More often than not, sanctification is a lot slower process than we would like it to be. You cannot expect all believers to be on the same “spiritual plain”. It would be best for us all to adopt the mantra: forgive, forbear, restore!

You know, it is exhausting to be consumed with retribution and it is generally never enough. There is such freedom in forgiveness. Don’t you see the deception of Satan here to keep us in bondage to a hurt? He keeps us so bound up that we can’t move on and if we can’t move on then we can’t fulfill the purpose God has for us. We can live wasted lives in unforgiveness. We carry the grudge, nursing it, petting it, feeding it. Now do you begin to see why forgiveness is good – the alternative can be totally consuming! It can take over our lives!

The last basic of forgiveness leads us into our next aspect: Forgiveness IS giving a blessing.

In 1 Peter 3:8-12 we are taught that we are called to give a blessing. In contrast to the world, we do not repay evil for evil. At first glance that seems hard enough but once again, scripture goes beyond what seems good for what is above and beyond. Rather than settle for not repaying evil with evil we are called to bless instead!

The word blessing here is used as a verb and it means “to speak well of, to eulogize.” Examples of blessing our enemies would be:

- Finding ways to serve her.
- Praying for her salvation or spiritual progress
- Expressing thankfulness for her
- Speaking well of her
- Desiring her well-being
(1 Peter 2:23; Lev. 19:18; Luke 6:38; Prov. 20:22)

Why? Because we are called for the purpose of inheriting a blessing. We are to be mindful of the great blessing of salvation rather than judgment. We should pursue the blessing we will receive in giving a free gift of forgiveness to someone who has wronged us!

Ladies, I know this is hard! Believe me, this is hard to do when you like someone much less when you consider them an enemy. I think the key in all of this is trusting in the grace of God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and then believing that if He has commanded it then it must be for our good. I do not believe that the Lord has anything but our very best in mind. The problem comes in the discomfort that is required to get to the very best.

In 1850, Florence May Chadwick successfully swam the English Channel and broke the then-current world record. Two years later, she attempted to swim from Catalina Island to the coast of California. As she began, she was flanked by small boats that watched for sharks and were prepared to help her if she became wearied or injured. After about 15 hours a thick fog set in. Florence began to doubt her ability, and she told her mother, who was in one of the boats, that she didn’t think she could make it. She swam for another hour before asking to be pulled out, unable to see the coastline due to the fog. As she sat in the boat, she found out she had stopped swimming just one mile away from her destination. Two months later, Chadwick tried again. However,this time was different. The same thick fog set in, but she persevered to the shore. When asked what was different she said that she kept a mental image of the shoreline in her mind while she swam.

Don’t give up for the fog! Fix your eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith and swim the distance to freedom in forgiveness! Trust in the One who says the waters will not overtake you. Trust in the One who has purchased your pardon; He is ready to enable you to pardon even the most grievous offenses so that you can be free!

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Seven

Hang in there girls! Only three more days left! I mentioned way back on day one that it doesn’t take much living before we end up getting hurt, offended, betrayed etc; As women, we learn this all to early because we have a propensity towards sensitivity - shocker I know! I have a nine year old daughter and we are already in the throes of learning how to navigate hurt feelings and peaceable living. I have tried to emphasize to her that conflict is, unfortunately, a part of life. It is a sad commentary to a stark reality when we finally realize that we aren’t always going to get along. I am fond of telling her, “Not everyone is going to be your BFF.”
Besides, BFF is not the point. The point is loving your neighbor as yourself – not liking your neighbor as yourself. Let’s face it, we aren’t going to like everyone and everyone isn’t going to like us. We have gotten ourselves hung up on feelings. We are focused on feeling sentimental towards others but this isn’t what loving our neighbor is all about. Loving our neighbor has to do with a deliberate set of choices and actions that are not based on our feelings. Feelings are a nice added bonus but they are not an accurate barometer on which to base our actions. I’ll say it again: You can’t always act how you feel! Can I get an amen?

Because of the brokenness of the world and the brokenness of everyone in it due to sin, we can expect to constantly be involved in a state of reconciliation with someone in our lives all the time; our spouses, our children, our neighbors, parents, siblings, other family members, co-workers, friends, our family in Christ and even people we may not know.

The word reconciliation denotes a change or an exchange; namely, to change from enmity to friendship. The concept of reconciliation is set forth in scripture out of 2 Corinthians 5: 17-21. Please take time to read these verses before you continue.
This passage gives us the basis of our reconciliation, our commission, which is the ministry of reconciliation and the training for our ministry which is the word of reconciliation. THEREFORE, we are ambassadors for Christ, God is appealing through every believer to an unbelieving world to be reconciled to God. Our lives should be lived in such a way that reconciliation is ever present in order that Jesus might be made much of!

An unbelieving world cannot see Christ but it can see believers living in a constant state of forgiveness even in the most severe circumstances. This is what causes people to take notice that something is different. This witnesses that the power of Christ within us is real and capable of transforming us into something other than what we should be! I am constantly proclaiming that “Jesus makes me who I am not!” I am conformed to the world without Jesus. I am bitter, threatened and greedy without Jesus. I am unable to forgive without Jesus.

Let’s spend the rest of today discussing what forgiveness is and isn’t:

1) Forgiveness IS the offend-ED going to the offend-ER.
What is normally our first reaction when someone has offended us? “Well I’m not speaking to her because she said such and such to me!” “I’m not going to her! It’s not my fault! Why should I be the one to go to her?” Now do you see why Jesus started with humility in Matthew 18? In the verses dealing with the offended brother the offended goes to the offender! Forgiveness is primarily the responsibility of the person who was hurt to go to the person who did the hurting. Why? Well, first because Christ left us an example! He came to us as the offended! He died for us as the offenders! The offended gave Himself as a ransom for His offenders!! Secondly, there are times when people have hurt us and they simply have no clue! We may have been overly sensitive or perceived something the wrong way. So, rather than allowing a “root of bitterness” to spring up, scripture commands us to go to them (Heb. 12:15). This makes the offender aware of the offense and gives opportunity for mutual reconciliation.

2)Forgiveness IS NOT a feeling, it is a choice.
We have a hard time in western culture with understanding that we don’t have to like someone in order to forgive them or to love them as our neighbor. We think that if we don’t FEEL sentimental or loving towards someone than we shouldn’t forgive them or can’t love them. Superficial love and lust are closely associated but deep, abiding, persevering love that puts others above self, for the most part, is a deliberate choice. So is forgiveness. Choosing to do right by someone, to pray for them and give a blessing instead of a curse is a choice!

3)Forgiveness IS NOT letting the offender off the hook.
Isn’t this what we really want to know? What happens to that person if we choose to forgive? Does this make what they did okay? Does this mean that it didn’t hurt or wasn’t wrong? Forgiveness is not saying it doesn’t hurt or that you shouldn’t feel that hurt. Forgiveness is not a denial of what happened. That would be deception and God doesn’t want us to deceive or lie to ourselves. The cross happened…and it hurt!
Forgiveness is not letting the offender off the hook. The word of God never allows sin to go unpunished. God is a God of justice. It simply puts justice in the hands of the Righteous Judge! “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19)

4)Forgiveness IS treating the other person as if the sin never occurred in the first place.
It means never bringing it up to them or anyone else ever again (Prov. 17:9). It means not holding them to a payment for that offense.

5)Forgiveness IS a humble act.
Sometimes we parade forgiveness and make it into a self-righteous act. Again, forgiveness begins with a humble heart. “Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs” (1 Cor. 13: 4-5).

6)Forgiveness IS done in private.
In Matt. 18:15 we are instructed to go first to our sister privately…no gossip or dragging other people into it. Word to the wise ladies! Before you pick up the phone and start airing all of your grievances, humble yourself, check your heart and go quickly!

7)Forgiveness IS done quickly.
Go quickly so that anger does not fester. Scripture is clear that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Make sure you have your own heart in check and pray that the Lord will guide your words. Is your motive to rebuke or restore? Remember, restoration is the goal!

8)Forgiveness IS NOT always restoration of relationship.
What? Didn’t I just say that restoration is the goal? Yes! However, sometimes the other party will not receive us or will even be offended that we would confront them over a wrong. Other times we have a co-dependent relationship with someone that was forged in sinfulness that needs to be severed for the good of everyone involved. Forgiveness does not mean checking your brain at the door. Forgiveness is a pardon not a free pass to continue to repeatedly offended or abuse. There are some people that we need to stay away from because they are toxic. Jesus said whatever offends you or causes you to stumble pluck it out and cast it from you.

Well, we are off to a good start in discovering the basics of forgiveness. Tomorrow we will finish the basics and move on to the blessing of forgiveness. In the meantime I hope you are learning but I also hope you are putting your learning to the test. Knowledge is just knowledge until it is applied…then it becomes wisdom!

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Six

As spring rolls around I am once again reminded I’m not a gardener. I pretend to be a gardener, I long to be a gardener but alas, I am not. If it could grow regardless of water, sun or rocks then it works for me. If it requires preparing the soil, monitoring acidity and any general maintenance then I will kill it for sure! My dreams of being a gardening diva fade as each year goes by and the crops show little to no return. But, all is not lost because I have learned a few basic things, one being that soil preparation is probably the single biggest factor in yielding good results.

In the parable of the soils, Jesus talks about gardening as well, but this time He isn’t teaching about literal soil, He is teaching about hearts. Just as it takes favorable conditions to grow real fruit, it also takes favorable conditions to grow spiritual fruit. If the soil of our hearts is hard with unforgiveness there is only one kind of root that will survive; the root of bitterness. Let me explain.

Disappointment is birthed when we have unmet expectations. However, when disappointment goes unaddressed it leads to bitterness. Bitterness is a root that grows in the soil of unforgiveness. Bitterness can manifest itself in many ways but I think ultimately our bitterness, although directed at other people, is often a disappointment or anger with God. Do you follow me?

Maybe you know someone who is overcome with bitterness or maybe you have been that person. Maybe you are still that person and you don’t even realize it. You know, we go through life with certain expectations and the longer we live the more we realize that life rarely delivers on those expectations. Sometimes we think our expectations are simple and small comparatively. We aren’t asking for the world, we just want good health, good marriages, good jobs and children who love Jesus…and a vacation once a year, a somewhat sizeable shopping budget, a lovely home and chocolate with no calories! That doesn’t seem like too much to ask for in the grand scheme of things. Besides, all things are possible with God right?

So, why do we set ourselves up with unrealistic expectations and then find ourselves reeling when the unrealistic doesn’t become reality? For this very reason: we have the expectation of the perfection of eternity in our hearts. This is the desire for all things to be perfect. Do you know why? Because this is what God created us to be! He created us to be perfect but we shattered that perfection in Genesis 3 and we have continued to shatter it every single day since then. However, the longing within our hearts remains. We know that there is something wrong with the world. We know that suffering, death, pain and betrayal are not the way things should be…so we live life in disappointment…and we simply do not know how to handle it.

I used to live in a constant state of expectation believing that if a few more things could fall into place then there would be a state of utopia in my life that nothing could touch. Sin makes that impossible. And so we, you and I, live disappointed and angry that life has not turned out the way we imagined. Then we let that disappointment fester and it makes us bitter women. We are jealous, we are envious, we are spiteful, we begrudge other people happiness and we become cold. We blame other people for our circumstances when in reality they have no power over our lives. True, some have been the cause of hurt or betrayal but above all there is One that is filtering those circumstances through His hands. When it comes down to it, the truth is, we are mad at God….although we may never admit it because it sounds like total heresy!

So, how do we deal with disappointment when we eventually discover we are angry with the Lord?

1)We must be very careful! God is holy and “other than” we are.
He is certainly big enough to handle our disappointments and anger but there is a fine line between genuine hurt and blasphemy.

2)We must realize that anger with God is short-sighted.
Do you remember the story of Joseph? Joseph couldn’t catch a break to save his life! Just about the time things seemed to quiet down for him, another trial hit. He was sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongly accused of rape, imprisoned as an innocent man and forgotten by the man that could have quickly sealed his pardon! If we leave Joseph there we are hopeless and angry with God.

What about Naomi? She left Israel with her husband and 2 sons because of a famine and traveled to the pagan land of Moab. While she is there, her sons marry pagan women and her husband dies along with both of her sons. She is now in a foreign land, far from home with no family and a gaping hole of grief in her heart. When she returns to Bethlehem and the people see her coming from afar they say, “Look, it’s Naomi!” But she cries, “Don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara” which means bitter. “I left here full and the Lord has brought me back empty.” (Ruth 1:20-21)If we leave Naomi here we are disappointed and angry with the Lord.

If we go on to tell the story, Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth travel back to Israel where God supplies a kinsman redeemer in the man of Boaz to marry Ruth thereby securing heirs for Naomi’s family. Boaz begat Obed, Obed begat Jesse and Jesse begat David! Naomi was David’s great, great grandmother which ultimately placed her in the lineage of Christ! Her great, great grandson would sit on the throne of Israel as the greatest earthly king in Israel’s history and a man after God’s own heart!

Joseph is made 2nd in command over all of Egypt and because of a God-ordained famine his brothers are driven right to his door step. He chooses FORGIVENESS and God brings all of his family to Egypt in order to preserve them from extinction. Why? Because He is true to His promises! God called a people through the seed of Abraham and He faithfully preserved them through kidnapping and wrongful imprisonment! You might say, “Why?” “Why not just supernaturally bring them some food in Canaan without all of the tragedy with Jacob? Why not save this poor man some trouble!”

I cannot even pretend to answer why or know the mind of God but I do know this: it displayed the glory of God in greater ways than we could have imagined. You see, this is God’s ways being higher than our ways! In the end, Joseph said, “What you meant for evil, God meant for good!” This is a man who believed God! This is a man who believed God was good! So, don’t be short-sighted! Even if you don’t see it, God is working it out! Trust His heart, trust His character, trust His faithfulness!

3)Anger with God is unbelief. We touched on this earlier. But this ties in with the last point. We must belief that God is good. Being angry with the Lord is fundamentally believing that God has failed or made a mistake or that He should have done differently. This is rooted in unbelief in God’s goodness, wisdom, providence…ultimately His character.

4)Anger with God is futile. There is a great quote by James Weldon Johnson that goes like this, “Young man, your arms are too short to box with God!” Enough said!
Anger with God is a lie of the devil. What a great tactic from our great adversary! If Satan can get you mad at God then loving and serving Him will be nearly impossible. I will say this more than once…know your enemy…better yet, know your God and BELIEVE HIM then your enemy will be easy to spot!

5)Anger with God is a matter of perspective. This ties all these points under bitterness together. The right perspective goes a long way. Many of you may remember a sister in Christ named Ramey who went home to be with the Lord in 2008 after a whirlwind battle with brain cancer. This story from John (Ramey’s husband) and Monica (his new wife) will show how the right perspective can starve a root of bitterness. I hope this blesses you like it has blessed me! http://vimeo.com/34722066

What an amazing testimony of God’s grace when coupled with believing God! As Monica so aptly stated, “The Lord did not come to kill, steal and destroy but to give us the abundant life. This must be the abundant life!” What faith!

As we close today I would ask you to test your heart. In the face of disappointment do you speak as Naomi or do you speak as Job, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Choosing Forgiveness: Week Two

I hope you enjoyed a Sabbath Day filled with “Hosannas” to our Savior King! It is hard to imagine that Jesus rode into Jerusalem to shouts of praise and one week later would walk out to shouts of hatred on His way to atone for their sins along with yours and mine. How fickle is mankind? How unstable and how stark the contrast in comparison to the eternal, unchanging Son of Man? We get so focused on the praise of man and the praise of man is utterly fleeting. We will work ourselves to death to try and earn it and then waste ourselves away to try and keep it.

Although I have been working on this study for quite some time it is no coincidence that the last part would fall on the week leading up to the Resurrection. This is Easter. This is why we celebrate – because we are forgiven and set free. Our Savior has been resurrected and He is seated at the right hand of the Father always making intercession for us! How can we not freely bestow forgiveness in light of the weight of glory in which we now stand?

As we begin looking at the gospel as our basis for forgiveness there are five points that are important for us to stand on:

1) Forgiveness is a God concept not a man concept. If it were not for the illumination of the Holy Spirit through the Word we would not even know that we need forgiveness. Everything in scripture reminds us over and over that salvation is a God work from the moment when we are aware of our sin, to the end; our glorification.

The sum total of the gospel is this: God created the world, including mankind in perfection, mankind rebels and the entire creation is plunged into sin. BUT GOD as the offendED makes a way for the us, the offendERs to have FULL pardon.

Not only that, but He equips the offender with conviction to see her sin and then engenders faith to believe in the forgiveness He has set forth in Christ.
Scripture says all of this took place while we were dead in our trespasses! The dead do not DO anything – they are dead. We had no part in God’s plan of redemption and we do not earn it – it is a free gift! (Rom. 6:23; Eph. 2:8)

Ladies, this is great news! It is the best news! We don’t have to be cleaned up and have it all together. We don’t have to work for it or come in first to get the prize. Our part is so passive in all of this that scripture says we are dead! If you are like me and keenly aware of your short-comings and failures then this is music, literally, to your ears: “Jesus paid it ALL, ALL to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, HE washed it white as snow! Praise God!

2) Forgiveness is first and foremost a CHOICE. We are commanded to forgive. Forgiveness is a command, not a choice. Our forgiveness is not dependent upon the attitude, asking or receptiveness of the offender. In fact, the other party’s request or “appropriate” contrite-ness is never taken into consideration in scripture. There is never a time when Jesus tells us we are to forgive only if the other person asks for it or is truly sorry for what they have done. In fact, the other person is not even a factor!

There will be times when we are prompted by our feelings to forgive but most often we will not. Feelings are motivated by the heart and the heart is deceitful. The heart looks out for its own interests and protects itself. We cannot always act how we feel and in the same way we cannot rely on our feelings to prompt us to forgiveness, grace, love, mercy or forbearance. Sometimes we have to make decisions with our head and allow our hearts to catch up!

3) Forgiveness is not a meritorious work. (Meaning it is not earned!) Our choice of forgiveness is not based on the attitude, actions or even the asking of the other person. Jesus did not die because we were worthy but because He is just. He alone is worthy.

On the contrary, scripture says we were ungodly, unlovable, evil, malicious, gossips, slanderers, of our father the devil…what about that seems worthy or lovable? God’s forgiveness of us is not motivated by something within us that deserved forgiveness. Salvation is motivated by God’s holiness not our worthiness because there is nothing in us that is worthy.

We are never worthy of forgiveness – it is God’s free choice out of grace to extend forgiveness. We have not earned it therefore it is not a meritorious work. God expects nothing less of us in forgiving others – they do not and cannot earn our forgiveness, we must give it freely.

4)Forgiveness is hard, often painful. You know the beautiful thing about this? Jesus knows! He knows the pain and cost associated with forgiveness! Jesus suffered severely on the cross in order to offer forgiveness – should we expect any less? (Heb. 12:3-4)

5)Unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. God will never ask us to do something He won’t equip us to do; He will never ask us to do something that isn’t beneficial; He will never ask us to do something that is impossible or that Jesus hasn’t already done!

This sums up the basis for our forgiveness! I want to leave you with a beautiful picture of a woman who had encountered the gospel, her basis for forgiveness…

I had the privilege of being seated at dinner recently next to a woman that I had only known from a distance. I have a unique talent for being able to write people’s stories in my head based on a name or appearance. I guess it is the imaginative side of me that loves to romanticize someone else’s life. Don’t get me wrong – it’s just fun, no harm done. I usually don’t share my thoughts but I will tell you I would starve as a fortune teller – if I believed in that sort of thing!

In the course of normal dinner conversation this sweet woman begins to tell me about her past. She was abused by her birth mother until the age of four at which time she entered foster care. She was in and out of homes until the age of seven when she was taken into a Christian home. From seven until eleven she stayed with this family and became a believer. However, she was very violent toward the biological children in the home and was forced to leave. She says she absolutely doesn’t blame the parents, she would have done the same thing. At the age of eleven she was adopted into an abusive home where she was assaulted emotionally, physically and sexually until the age of 19. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had totally lost my appetite and I wanted nothing more than to hear the rest of the story.

She told me that at 19 she had the opportunity to enroll in college by the grace of God. From there she severed all ties with her adoptive family and began a journey in which the Lord completely transformed her life! She sat across from me with a countenance of such peace and joy on her face that I would never have imagined where she had been had she not been telling me from her own mouth. At 40, she is now a married mother of three, a foster mom to two exchange students and a beautiful picture of God’s grace and forgiveness. She looked me straight in the eye and said, “God has healed me! I am whole because of Him!” Do you think she had met Jesus? Do you think she understood the gospel as her basis for forgiveness? There is no doubt in my mind!

Ladies, nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with our God! So much of this study is dependent upon you believing that. Hebrews 11:6 says this, “without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him.” I will continue to drive this home because ultimately unforgiveness is wrapped up in unbelief. We have got to ask the Lord to “help us overcome our unbelief” and grab the freedom of forgiveness with both hands today, today, today…

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Four

Are you sore yet? I am! I’ve had so many toes stepped on I’m limping! Not only that but I have felt the Holy Spirit poking at some things I have kept locked away that I deliberately didn’t want to deal with. As much as I have tried to ignore it, He presses in all the more! But you know, I’m learning so much and I’m feeling the flood gates begin to open a little wider each time I relinquish control over my hurts. I hope the same is happening for you. I don’t pretend to know what each of you has faced. I know if we could talk that I would probably clasp my hand over my mouth in disbelief at what some of you have endured. But Beloved, I don’t need to know because Jesus does! He knows, He sees and He is big enough to overcome anything that you have experienced.

Yesterday we covered a lot of ground in our study of the parable of the unjust servant. We began to get a glimpse of the enormity of God’s work on the cross in forgiving our sins. I used to sing a song as a little girl that summed up the simplicity of the gospel:
“He paid a debt He did not owe,
I owed a debt I could not pay. I needed someone to wash my sins away. And now I sing a brand new song ‘Amazing Grace’!
My Jesus paid a debt that I could not repay! Selah!
It really is that simple and that complex all at the same time. When we look at the work that Jesus accomplished in atoning for our sins at Calvary and then choose not to forgive others we are like the wicked servant. At the outset of this study I touched briefly on the world vs. the word. In this parable the servant is our example of how the world handles forgiveness and the King is our example of God’s forgiveness of us.

I am continually amazed how much our lives are shaped with situational ethics, meaning we change our ethics, morals and decisions as the situation changes. Scripture is never situational about anything, especially forgiveness. Therefore, we are called to apply the truth of the Word over the ever-changing “ethics” of the world.

We are commanded to forgive. We aren’t asked, we aren’t advised and we aren’t given the choice. We are told to forgive. Why? Because forgiveness is the basis for the gospel. If there were no sin then forgiveness would not be necessary but scripture says that if our offenses were counted against us, who could stand? Our sins against the Lord are great but the Lord freely offers forgiveness every time for every sin. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

The rest of our study will focus on five aspects of forgiveness: The Basis of forgiveness, the Bitterness of unforgiveness, the Basics of forgiveness, the Blessing of forgiveness and the Benefit of forgiveness. We will begin to look at the first one next week: the basis for forgiveness, the gospel. Why is it that we are commanded to forgive? Why is it that forgiveness is unconditional? What and who do we look to in understanding how to forgive?

Meditate on these things as you begin the ascent into Passion Week. Reflect on the cross and the costly forgiveness that was bought for you with the blood of the spotless Lamb of God…and worship!

Forgiveness: Day Three

Finally! After three long days of laying some very necessary groundwork we have arrived at our focal text. You have worked really hard to this point but don’t give up right before you get to the good stuff! Let’s quickly jump in because there is quite a bit to cover today.

Please read Matthew 18:21-35

This passage of scripture is best known as “The Parable of the Unjust Servant.” Although there are many passages on forgiveness in scripture this paints such a vivid picture of how we appear when we choose not to forgive others. The foundation for the parable is laid by the impetuous apostle Peter. We can always count on Peter to ask those things that all of us are thinking! So Peter starts us off by asking the question that “everyone wanted to know but was afraid to ask”: “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him?” Basically, Peter wants to cut to the chase and get straight to the point. He has listened to Jesus teach about humility, checking our own hearts to rid them of stumbling blocks and then restoration of our brothers and sisters who have sinned but what he really wants to know is, “How many times am I required to forgive, forbear and restore until I’ve met my quota?”

Peter’s offer of seven times was seemingly magnanimous because back in the 1st century the rabbis taught, based on several scriptures out of Amos 1, that God only forgave Israel’s enemies 3 times. Therefore, to forgive more than 3 times was unnecessary and presumptuous. Peter had doubled the requirement and added one so he probably expected a pat on the back. However, as Jesus always does, He cuts right across our high-mindedness and exposes the intents of our hearts by setting the standard far above anything we could ever imagine…or attain without Him.

Jesus’ reply of seventy times seven is not to give us a set number of 490 as the exact number of times we should forgive but it represents an innumerable number. Jesus has not instituted a system of Pharisaical tally marks but a system of grace where His glory in forgiveness is put on display.

Upon excavation of the following verses we unearth a great deal of truth regarding the heart of our God. We first need to establish the absurdity of this parable. The disciples would have recognized right off that this parable was extremely far-fetched. First, a king would never have gotten himself into a situation where he would need to settle debts with his slaves especially where he was owed as much or more than he owned.

In v. 24 we see how much this one servant owed him: 10,000 talents. Let’s put this into perspective: one talent was worth what a laborer would make over 15 years. If we say that the average yearly wage of a laborer today is 25,000, 15 years would amount to $375,000. Ten talents would be 3.75 million dollars. The conclusion: 10,000 talents was an exorbitant amount of money. This would be like our President allowing one person to borrow trillions of dollars against our national debt! Again, no king would have put himself in that kind of financial predicament.

So, it isn’t hard to understand when verse 25 says,”he couldn’t repay.” The lord (representative of the king) comes up with the idea of having the slave and all his family sold into slavery in order to recover some of the debt. Does this strike anyone else as ridiculous? The reality is there is no way this debt could be paid. If this man, his wife, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren worked all their lives there would be no way to repay the debt.

The slave’s response was to fall on his face and ask for patience in trying to repay the debt – notice that the slave did not ask for forgiveness! However, the lord felt compassion, released him AND forgave the debt. This is total forgiveness. He could have released him but not forgiven the debt. He could have forgiven the debt but not released him. Instead scripture says he felt compassion. This word “compassion” means: “bowels of mercy”, “womb”, “to be moved as to one’s inwards”. The word here talks about a visceral, deep seated response to something. A pity that is felt. The lord was so moved by the servant that he had an ache within him. Have you ever seen someone in distress and physically felt compassion for them? This is the idea here: a sensitivity that only a mother could feel for her children; a mother’s love.

You would expect that the servant would have been so overjoyed he could think of nothing else! He had basically just won the lottery! He was free! But instead he goes out and finds a man that owes him the equivalent of 3 months wages and he does what? He seizes him and begins to choke him while demanding his money! Do you see the extreme analogy here? His response toward his fellow servant is so severe. The slave’s response is almost the same as the original plea to the king: he fell to the ground and pleaded with him, asked him to be patient that he would repay all he owed. This was a debt that could easily have been paid back. This offense was nothing compared to the great offense of the original debt.

But the slave who has just been pardoned was “unwilling” and threw him in prison. His fellow slaves were so grieved over this scene that they reported it all to the lord. What does the lord call him? You “wicked” slave! So, the lord was “moved with anger”. Scripture tells us that God hates sin. Because He is holy and just He is always angry over sin, including the sin of His children.

It says verse 34 that the lord handed him over to torturers. The word “torturers” does not mean executioners but it does indicate severe discipline. As true children of God we can never lose our salvation because our salvation is dependent upon God. Scripture says, “I am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.” However, we can fall into discipline over disobedience. The Lord commands us to forgive and just because we are His children doesn’t mean He is okay with sin in our lives. The idea here is that the unjust servant would remain under the discipline of the Lord until he could learn to forgive others.

The last verse sums up Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness: God will also do the same to you if you do not forgive your brother what? From your heart. This indicates a genuine forgiveness. Not lip service but genuine forgiveness.

You know, sometimes we think withholding forgiveness keeps us safe but there is no “safety” in the Christian life. God is constantly calling us to do the hard thing, pushing us to the point of weakness that we might rely on the Spirit within us, denying the flesh and our selfish desires for comfort. The Christian life will never be one of comfort, ease or safety…Jesus did not live that kind of life and we should not expect more for ourselves. Jesus is constantly calling us to take up our cross, deny self and follow Him.

Repeatedly we will be faced with decisions that don’t feel good to us and we must make a decision for obedience or disobedience. This comes down to our trust in the Lord. Do we trust that when He commands us to forgive that it will be for our good? Do we trust that His word is true and that He is able to empower us to follow through with what He has commanded us to do?

In closing today, I want to ask you this question: How big is your God? Is He big enough to handle the offenses against you? Is He big enough to enable you to forgive even the deepest hurts? Is He big enough to bring healing where a root of bitterness has grown? Can He do what He says He can do? Do you believe it? Can you receive it?

Choosing Forgiveness: Day Two

Yesterday we closed with a strong petition to go after those who would fall into deceptions and ultimately stray from the flock of God. I hope that those words had as much impact on you as they did on me. I am constantly reminded that so much of my responsibility is to my sisters and brothers in Christ as joint heirs and fellow sojourners. When we begin to grasp this form of denying self we begin to catch a glimpse of what Jesus is teaching about forgiveness!

Let’s recap: Jesus begins his teaching to the disciples in Matthew 18 with instructions on humility, then He warns us about deceptions and/or stumbling blocks which flows into the parable of the lost sheep. This parable instructs us on what to do when one is deceived and goes astray.

There is a pattern developing here that we can use for practical application in our own lives. The first step in forgiveness is humility. Humility is not a means of being weak. Sometimes we think the word humble means “less than.” In reality humility is lowly MINDEDNESS. This happens when we begin to think of ourselves as lowly, less important than others, putting others and their needs first. Where else have we seen this train of thought? Do you remember how we closed yesterday and opened today? Denying self? Do you see how the word of God is so tightly knit that it is constantly reaffirming itself over and over again! I just love those light bulb moments!!

Humility is also a state of mind where we are completely dependent on Jesus to care for us (as in the case of the little child) so that we are freed to put others first. Scripture tells us to “humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God.” Notice that this is an imperative statement. In other words, this isn’t optional or something that is done supernaturally. This is something we are commanded to do; to humble ourselves. When we come to a point where we are so confident that Jesus has and will meet all of our needs then we are freed up to focus on others. This ladies, is Humility 101!

The second step in forgiveness is checking our own hearts. Jesus gives a warning about deceptions but He also gives a strong warning to those who would be deceivers and thereby cause others to stumble. He wraps up by instructing us how to handle those things in our lives that cause us to stumble. The point? We have to be careful in dealing with sin. Sin is not something that we flippantly overlook in our own lives or in the lives of others. When we are preparing ourselves to approach someone about sin in their lives scripture says, “take heed lest you fall.” It is so easy when we are in a situation where we have been wronged not to “wrong back”. We must take inventory of our own lives and motives before we can begin to confront someone else.

The third step in forgiveness is restoration or reconciliation. Ladies, the goal of forgiveness is always restoration. It is the reason that Jesus forgives us – so that He might restore fellowship between sinners and Himself. Is there something there that would give you pleasure in confronting someone who has offended you or offended others? Is there pleasure in being the one who corrects and “sticks it to them?” Then you are not the one who should go! There should be no delight in showing another his offense. We should always check our motives when confronting others about sin.

You know, this is something that we are not very good at as women. Often times we go totally against scripture when it comes to confronting sin and forgiving others, especially if it is personal. Of course, we have a tendency to take a lot of things personally even if they don’t necessarily involve us…another word for this would be MEDDLING! I have seen it happen more than once in my own life. Someone hurts me and I run straight to the phone – to call someone else. We find great comfort in numbers. We want the affirmation of others to commiserate with us and egg us on in our anger.

Or, we are the eager confidant who is there with a listening ear only too willing to add fuel to the fire. Sometimes we even take things on as our own hurt and attempt to “settle a score” that had nothing to do with us to begin with. Is anyone tracking with me here or is it just me? I have seen whole groups of people gang up on one person because of a serious amount of gossip and hearts that were bent on retaliation not restoration! Mmmmm, I sense a spankin’ comin’ on! There are just some things that we will get a spanking over and I can promise you that God doesn’t waste His divine spankings!! Word to the wise: “The heart of the righteous PONDERS how to answer but the mouth of the wicked POURS out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28).

As we wrap up our groundwork in chapter 18, Jesus begins to describe the actual process of confronting one who has offended us, or as the text says, has “sinned”. Verses 15-20 provide a process to be followed for individual forgiveness and for church discipline – we aren’t going into detail here because this isn’t the focal point of the lesson but I do want to point a few things out:

In verse 15 the sister goes to the one who has hurt her, “privately.” This is a good one girls! As we just discussed, we are of a talkative, pack mentality. As soon as we are hurt the very first thing we want to do is tell someone about it so they can agree with us. We assume there is strength and justification in numbers. But scripture is clear that we are not to tell anyone. In other words, this isn’t meant to be a public spectacle. When we are convicted by the Holy Spirit it occurs in the
privacy of our own hearts. Shaming someone is never at the heart of restoration.

The rest of this passage deals with handling a member of the body of Christ who is engaged in sin in order to restore them to fellowship with the Lord and fellowship with the body. However, we see clearly here that sometimes restoration does not always take place. The focus here is on our motive and method. We are responsible for how we approach sin, the offender and the forgiveness. However, we cannot control how the other party will react. This is why it is so important for us to make sure we are doing all we can to be humble, check our own hearts and go in a spirit of restoration!