You Are Not Mine

This isn’t a deeply theological blog. I’m not necessarily teaching from a particular passage of scripture. Sometimes, the Lord is doing things in my life that I just want to share because I know I am no different from anyone else. If I am struggling in a certain area then I know there are others. In some way, what the Lord is teaching me may flow into your life. If it does, I am grateful that I shared. If it doesn’t then thank you for entertaining my writing.

I begin by saying this, “I will freely admit I know very little about parenting.” I’ve been doing it for over 15 years and I still don’t really know much. And, I surely don’t know as much as I did when my kids were born. So, I guess that is one thing I know...that I don’t know! I read all of these mommy blogs that give advice and tips and how-to’s and the truth is, the longer I parent the less I know! It’s like the old saying, “the older I get the less I know”, well, I can apply that across the board to most things in my life.

Some psychologist or wise sage has said somewhere that “the true definition of maturity is realizing that we know nothing.” And if it hasn’t been said, then, you can mark it down under my name. Again, I don’t think I’m so wise and there is nothing new under the sun. So, I do not come at you as a parenting expert. I’m coming as the “inept” parent. It feels good to admit that. Just know, you are forewarned before you read on!

I can say however, there are things that I am LEARNING. I surely don’t say I KNOW anything but I am in the learning process. One thing that I am learning, as of late, is that my children have their own relationship with the Lord. I know. No one is handing me the Nobel Prize for that statement. But bear with me for a minute.

When your children are little, infants, toddlers, preschool age, even though they live unto the Lord, they live unto the Lord through you. This is one of many reasons God gave children parents. As parents, we are the initial God figure in their lives. Albeit imperfect, we are there to love, disciple, correct, instruct and discipline our children as a representation of God in their lives before they are old enough to comprehend the concept of God.

Once they are old enough to begin to understand that their is a God, that He is holy, just, loving and he hates sin but provides forgiveness through Jesus, they grow to become accountable for this knowledge and their actions regarding this knowledge. Some people refer to this as the age of accountability. There is no specific age and really, every child is different. But there does come a point in time when they are able to understand and articulate the gospel and what that means for them. (Keep in mind this is a very surface level explanation.)

At this point, things begin to take on a different dynamic because now, their eyes are opened to the fact that they are living, not just unto Mom and Dad and “because I said so” but they are living unto a higher authority that we all must submit to. They become aware they are living unto God. It is at this point that by God’s grace, hopefully, they are saved.

As your children grow, in stature and in the Lord, you play less of a God role in their lives. You aren’t totally taking your hands off the wheel but your grip, your control, gradually becomes less and less. Although this is something you know is coming as a parent, you are usually looking at it from afar. The years are full of making decisions for your children: what to eat, when to eat, when to sleep, when to wake, what to wear, when to bathe, where to go, when to go etc; Almost before you realize it, you are not making these decisions anymore.

At first, you welcome the freedom of not having to tell them what to wear, when to eat, when to bathe - until the decisions become bigger decisions, things that are weightier than cheese puffs vs. eggs for breakfast. Decisions that will affect their future and sometimes their entire lives. And Moms, this is difficult! Although the days of cleaning spaghetti off of every square inch of your child, kitchen and yourself are exhausting, they are simple. Yes, simple...and fleeting, so enjoy them.

How can I say such things to exhausted Moms to toddlers everywhere? Because last week I would have given anything to just be cleaning up spaghetti! We had a very rough parenting week last week. Both of our children went through difficult situations and as parents we were struggling to make it better. We were struggling for words to say to stop the tears from flowing. We were struggling with how to fix the hurt. There is no helplessness quite like that kind of helplessness. And I spent ALOT of time in prayer. Prayer for them. Prayer for us. Prayer for others. Just prayer. It was all I could do. It was the only thing that gave me any peace..on my knees, in the car, in the shower, at my job, prayer.

As life does, last week turned into this week and the clock continues to tick and time moves on. We are moving on from last week but I have wrestled with the Lord over what this all means in my life and the lives of my children. And the Lord sweetly and quietly confirmed the novel idea that He is working in the lives of my children too. He is sanctifying them and teaching them just like He is teaching me. He is teaching them to trust Him. He is testing them. He is refining them in their young lives just as He continues to refine me.

And that leaves me with two decisions to make: will I resist the work of the Lord in the lives of my children? Will I attempt to control what He is doing in order to make life more comfortable and easier for them? Or will I TRUST Him in the lives of my children. Not just WITH the lives of my children but IN their lives. Essentially, will I attempt to resist the Spirit’s work and God’s providence in the lives of my children? Or, can God be trusted with my children?

I may not openly let those questions roll off of my tongue but they are in my heart, if I am honest. I know because many times I live as if I am saying, “Thank you Lord for saving them but I’ve got it from here! You be sure and watch over them when they aren’t under my watch and care but otherwise, I’ve got it.”

And I do that because that’s what I’ve spent their whole lives doing. The illusion of control is strong and I am deceived into believing the propaganda that I am able to field every circumstance, sin and suffering. I’ve spent their lives fixing it, deciding it and controlling it...and now those days are over. So I am grieving in a way. But I am growing too. The Lord is sanctifying me as He is sanctifying them. He is using what occurs in their lives for them and for me. And I am no longer “lord” in their lives.

I constantly have to remind myself that I am not letting my kids go but I am letting them go to God because they were never truly mine in the first place, they really are His. I’m just a steward in this life. I’m a shepherd and a teacher and yet being a mother feels like so much more. It feels like they are MINE. So, I struggle and I attempt to resist and kick against the goads and I realize, that “my arms are too short to box with God.”

This morning, the Lord led me to the story of Hannah. Here is one Mama who knew and understood that her child was not hers, that he belonged to the Lord. It says in 1 Samuel 1:24, “the child was young” when she brought him to the temple. I don’t know exactly what age but many scholars believe he was about two or three years of age, when he was weaned. And she said, “Therefore, I have dedicated him to the Lord. As long as he lives, he is dedicated to the Lord.” And she left him there.

I have to imagine that she wept as she began her journey back home. I have to imagine that she smothered him in kisses, stroked his sweet head and took one last smell of his neck before she departed. I have to imagine that she spent hours thinking of him and praying for him and counting the days until she could visit him again, once a year, at the temple. No cell phones, no cars, no email. Hannah knew something that I need to know - you are not mine!

So, I found some verses and added some phrases in that will aid me in praying and trusting, in learning to let go. Maybe you are there too - so I will share from one inept parent to another. And I say for us all, “Therefore, I have dedicated them to the Lord. As long as they live, they are dedicated to the Lord.”

“Trust in the Lord (for your children) and lean not on your own understanding (of what is going on in their lives). In all (their) ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct (their) paths. Prov. 3:5-6

Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the woman who trusts in man and makes flesh her strength (and the strength of her children), whose heart turns away from the Lord. Jer. 17:5

“Blessed is the woman who trusts in the Lord (for her children), whose trust is the Lord (for her children). Jer. 17:7

The fear of woman lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe. Prov. 29:25

For thus said the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” Is. 30:15

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you. Ps. 9:10

Many are the sorrows of the wicked, but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord. Ps. 32:10

Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Ps. 37:3

Commit (the way of your children) to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Ps. 37:5