Idol #1: Relationships

Well, let's not hesitate, let's jump right in! The first category of idolatry that we are prone to as women is the idol of relationships. Some examples of this would be: co-dependent friendships, romantic relationships,marriage, children or a lack of any of these relationships.

How do we idolize relationships? First, women are relational beings. God created us to be more relationship oriented than men so naturally it is easy for us to elevate relationships above the Lord as women. But that doesn’t mean it is right. When we place the importance of having a relationship or even placing a relationship we are already in as an ultimate thing in our lives we are in trouble!

I see this all the time and it begins at a very young age in girls so Mom’s of daughters listen up! Girls become keenly aware of where they rank among their female peers. They will work for relationships that they deem important and often do things that they know are wrong or are completely out of character in order to get or keep a relationship with another girl. Chances are they are either idolizing the other girl or the status that that relationship brings to them. Their “worship” is misguided and it is up to us to teach them otherwise.

Very soon into adolescence girls begin the same pattern with young men. They will work for attention from men. Once they have achieved that attention they will go to great lengths to keep it. Again, othen doing things that are sinful or out of character in order to keep him.

Unfortunately, these patterns don’t often go away with age. How many of us as adult women can identify with the need for acceptance or attention in relationships with other women? Even though we think we are past that, often times, if we look at our hearts, we really aren’t.

We find ourselves doing things in our friendships, dating relationships and in our marriages that aren’t healthy in order to keep their attention.

Then we have children and our children become our idols. We work for them to have and get ahead, we shield them from hurt or obsess over their happiness. We stress perfection in their grades, in their friendships, in their appearance. How much sleep do we lose as mothers over our children? Even our adult children?

The question that were asked as part of the first day of this study now come into play. If you haven’t had opportunity to answer them then stop here and do so before you continue on in the lesson. Question number one asked, “What do your thoughts effortlessly go to when there is nothing else demanding your attention? Another way to put it, what do you enjoy daydreaming about? If this is consistently a person, a relationship or lack of a relationship then it could be your idol.

Let’s look at 2 examples of women who were faced with idolizing a relationship. One honored God, the other did not.

Turn to Genesis 16: 1-9;15-16;

The story of Sarah. Throughout the generations of the Patriarchs, barrenness was prevalent. Sarah, Rachel and Rebecca were all barren. And having a male heir back then was not just about wanting a child it was what their society held up as success for a family. If you have ever seen the movie “Fiddler On the Roof” it is about a Jewish man who had all daughters. He loved his daughters but he lamented never having a son.

The eldest son was the pride of the family and his accomplishments were paramount to how the family was viewed in society. So for Sarah, the pressure of this promise resting on her, year after year, not being able to conceive turned her need for a child into an idol.

It is interesting that the very family that God had chosen for His people had trouble conceiving and even becoming a people. But, without this suffering the glory of the Lord as mighty, faithful and sovereign would have been diminished. How awesome is a God who allows a 99 year old woman to conceive?

Let me go off on a tangent for a second: ladies, don’t waste your suffering. God is using this time to refine you and to strip away everything that is idolatrous in your life. Every major trial, even every little trial, the Lord - IF I WILL LET HIM - reveals things that are idols to me. And usually, what makes the trial difficult is the fact that I am about to lose an idol! Does that speak to anyone?

The things we fear, the things that cause us immense hurt are often idols - why? Because if it weren’t important to us - it wouldn’t hurt! Suffering is God’s chisel, the instrument in His hands to shape us into Christ! Don’t despise the loving hand of the Potter. Trust Him for what you can’t see and know in the end, you will be GORGEOUS! I just keep that in mind when I feel beaten down - this too shall end in my GORGEOUSNESS!!

Back to Sarah. So, Sarah, in her idolatry, gave Hagar to Abram as his wife - can you say mistake number one! Then, Hagar conceives! Can you even imagine the level of insult to injury? So, scripture says that Hagar despised Sarah. Everything we could say would be speculation - maybe she despised her because she didn’t have any choice in her marriage to Abram. Maybe she despised her for pinning her hopes all on her! Who knows! Regardless, Sarah quickly realized that Hagar despised her and then she did what?? She shifted the blame!

Sarah blamed Abram and demanded that he fix it! Oh my word! If this is not a woman! “I have done this but it is your fault so you fix it!” Abram, wise man that he was, determined to give Sarah the authority to handle Hagar but she, in her idolatry, treated Hagar harshly and Hagar fled. What a mess! The domino of relationship idolatry in Sarah’s life had caused one sin right after the next.

Sarah had placed her own feelings, her own wants, desires and needs above the Lord and made an idol out of having a baby. She had taken it upon herself to fulfill God’s will for her life instead of allowing God to have His way. Mmmm, did anyone pick up on that? Did anyone pick up on that last statement?? Let me say it again: Sarah had taken it upon herself to fulfill God’s will for her life instead of allowing God to have His way. How many of us reading this today are doing the very same thing, for different reasons, in different areas? How many of us are taking it upon ourselves to not only choose God’s will but attempt to fulfill God’s will for our lives instead of letting Him have His way?

Dangerous ground girls, dangerous ground! God will not have it! He will not compete with you for rightful rule in your life - He doesn’t have to - it belongs to Him already but you can make a mess of things until YOU figure it out. Sarah surely did! She took her own desires and tried to forge her own path and it got her a WHOLE lot of thorns - permanent thorns! Ismael was a reality and he was never far from her sight or far from her mind.

Now turn to 1 Samuel 1:1-5; 12-19; 24-28. In stark contrast to Sarah’s story here is Hannah. Hannah waited on the Lord and when the Lord answered her prayer she was faithful to give him back to the Lord. Can you imagine? Hannah has finally gotten what she wants and then she gives him back? What a woman of faith! I know of another woman who gave her Son up as well..to the atrocities of a cruel cross..what a foreshadowing in the person of Hannah!

As we conclude for today, as you hear the Lord speaking, if you are captivated by a relationship idol then do not wait. Acknowledge, confess and forsake it while it is still today. This is hard but good work that the Lord is doing in our lives! This is one less thing to keep us enslaved and one more step towards freedom!