Part One: The Problem
Hellooo ladies! I am back from the land of summertime, sunscreen, no schedule and sweat. It was a wonderful summer that went quickly and I am excited to experience the first signs of autumn which also happens to be my favorite season! Speaking of seasons, there are seasons of life as well - trite but true. I am finally at the point where I have enough living behind me to actually be able to say I can see seasons. Unfortunately, it takes getting older to be able to experience reflection but it brings so much wisdom – wisdom I wish I had many years ago! Alas, this is how God intended it. We should come into the world with no wisdom and great energy and leave this world with great wisdom and no energy. Selah girls, SELAH….(means ponder deeply)
Very recently, Kraig and I have been challenged to reassess and reprioritize our lives as a whole but most specifically in the area of parenting. I must say that I have the first beginnings of an ulcer that started very close to Landon’s twelfth birthday and I can accurately prophesy that it will get larger as he gets older. We are on the very edge of the cliff (and yes, it looks like a cliff) looking over into the teen years and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared…or at least VERY anxious. So, as any loving mother would do I have been a controlling, emotional ball of overreaction, assumption and generally freaking out over everything. Nothing makes you feel more helpless than realizing for the first time that you cannot control the way your child thinks. And if your child thinks wrongly he will eventually act wrongly! Up to this point we have been all about behavior modification. Isn’t that what parenting toddlers and small children is about? “Don’t hit your brother with that, Jeffrey! Don’t put the penny in the light socket, Jeffrey. Jeffrey, don’t eat that off the floor..Jeffrey, Jeffrey, Jeffrey.” There is a level of physical demand that is required just to keep them from killing themselves but glory in the fact that at this point, you can! Secondly, a child until they reach the age of 8 or 9 will mostly take what you say as gospel. They may begin to test a little bit but, for the most part, they are totally buying into your philosophy on everything. These are good times! Even though you may here “Why Mommy?” more times than you ever thought you could stand, be grateful for their open hearts if not for their open mouths!
Then, then comes the pre-adolescent and adolescent years. Keep in mind I speak as no expert here because I have not survived this stage but hopefully my meager gleanings might help you. It’s like one of my friends told me just the other day, “We have to stick together!” No joke! What I am slowly learning is that the days of behavior modification are still in play but heart modification is not! The truth is we are never able to change our children’s hearts. We can shepherd them but we cannot make them pure in heart or love the Lord. We can take them to the Word, instruct them in the Word and diligently pray for their retention of the Word but we cannot make them receive the Word. I don’t write this to scare you or cause you to despair but I do want to cause you to think, maybe even reprioritize a few things.
While we were on vacation I began to read a book entitled “Family Driven Faith” by Dr. Voddie Baucham. I cannot recommend it enough to parents, all parents, even grandparents. Buy it, read it, reread it, ask your spouse to read it, answer the questions, pray over it and let it sink in. I would assess, from my own experience, that it is pretty easy between the ages of 5 and 10, (unless of course you are parenting a strong willed child to which I would say be very zealous in sparing the rod and spoiling the child! We had one for about a year and it was the only thing that seemed to speak the truth more clearly to him!!) but, between 5 and 10 years of age it is easy to say, “We’re doing okay here. We don’t have everything right but we have most things right and our kids haven’t fallen off the deep end. Maybe we finally have some of this parenting thing figured out.” (To which God, my parents and all other parents who have raised their kids laughed behind my back!) You might even be nodding your head in agreement until the day you try to have a rational conversation with your kid, presenting clear and concise evidence and they choose to think otherwise! What?? Since when did you begin to think for yourself? Since when did you begin to think that adolescent consensus is better than parental wisdom? Thus begins the “where-have-we-gone-wrong-in-parenting-this-rebellious-obstinate-child-who-thinks-he-knows-it-all” state of surprise and anger that is eventually followed by “what do we do now?”
Enter Dr. Baucham and his flashlight, shining into the word of God to instruct me! You see, I knew all along that the home was the primary place for biblical instruction. I knew that although school and church were there to instruct, they were merely a supplement to our guidance as parents. What I failed to realize was that we needed two additional goals in educating our children: An all-encompassing biblical worldview passed to our children and our own knowledge of God’s purposes. At first glance I would have answered in the affirmative that we had both but as I took a more deliberate look I quickly saw the glaring discrepancies!
As we end today, take a few minutes to think about your role in the discipleship of your own children. Are you taking an active or a passive role in instructing them in the ways of the Lord?
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