Okay, ladies, we have covered a lot of ground in the first few days of study about the tongue. I think this might be one that I read and reread to keep myself in check! I will say it has definitely taught me alot that I didn’t know. To recap where we have been, Monday we looked at the origin of the spoken word and its power. Tuesday we discovered the definition of the tongue and its ability to be as sharp as knives that wound or soothing to someone’s spirit. Wednesday we learned that our words are connected to the state of our hearts and are indicators of our spiritual “fruit bearing.”
So, let’s bring this thing full circle. When should we speak and what should we say? In other words, what does good fruit sound like? Today we will address what our speech should be then tomorrow we will wrap up with what our speech shouldn’t be. We will take our study today from Ephesians 4:29,“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
First, our words should be timely (according to the need of the moment). “A woman has joy in an apt answer and how delightful is a timely word” (Prov. 15:23). “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Prov. 15:28). Sometimes the right answer is not right away. Have you ever said something and then realized it just wasn’t the right time? There are times when we can give a helpful, edifying word but if it is at the improper moment it can fall on deaf ears. Often, it is wise of us to test the suitability of the listener to hear the word we have to say. For example, when someone is upset or distraught over something they may not be at a point to receive anything. It may take wisdom on our parts to understand that listening first and talking later is the best choice. In my marriage, with my children and at times with friends I have to wait in order to be heard. This is not something that comes naturally for most of us. It is difficult to restrain myself when I have something I want to say but listen to the mental imagery of the latter part of verse 28: “the mouth of the wicked POURS OUT evil things.” How many times have I crossed the line from a disagreement to a full blown argument because I have “poured out” words without restraint? I could write a book, a series of books on this one! So, the word instructs us to PONDER, pour over instead of pour out, how we should respond. Lastly, a timely answer brings joy and delight! You know, if I’m going to take the time to say it, I want it to be received but not only that, received with joy and delight. The hearer is much more likely to heed or take in what I am saying if they receive it with joy or delight!
Second, our words are to be healing or edifying (but only such a word as is good for edification). “A healing (soothing) tongue is a tree of life” (Prov. 15:4). The term healing here gives us the picture of our words being like medicine to a wound. Think about how cool water feels on a burn or salve to a cut. The term “tree of life” is a metaphor referring to temporal and spiritual renewal and refreshment. We can renew and refresh the spirit of others when we speak soothing words. The other word here is edifying. We hear that word alot but aren’t always sure what it means. The word “edify” means “to build or lift up”. Pretty simple. We are using the power of our words for good when we build and lift people up with them rather than tearing down. AKA, no slander!
Third, our speech is to be full of grace. “Let your speech always be with grace..so that it may gives grace to those who hear” (Col 4:6a, Eph 4:29). The word grace comes from the word “charis” and is defined as “that which bestows or occasions pleasure, delight or causes favorable regard.” This is pretty self-explanatory. Our speech ought to bestow pleasure, delight and cause someone to regard us in a favorable light when we talk. We can all think of someone that has the ability to say the right thing in all situations. Think about how you would characterize their speech. I bet you would say that they use their words to bestow pleasure and delight rather than pain and ruin! Enough said..no pun intended.
Fourth, our speech is to be seasoned with salt. “Let your speech always be with grace as seasoned with salt that you will know how to respond to each person” (Col 4:6). I want to focus briefly here on the purposes of salt. Salt can be used for many things. It can be used as a flavor-enhancer. It can be used as a preservative. It can heal a wound. Let’s bridge the gap from its uses to how that looks in our conversations. First, there is taste or flavor, seasoning that keeps things from being bland. Sometimes our speech can add some good “flavor” to the lives of those around us. Think humor. Think storytelling (not gossip) but just a good, true story! Second, it can preserve. Sometimes our words are used to confront (in love), instruct, guide, help and caution. This helps to preserve or protect others. As women, we have to be VERY careful that our words don’t get too salty in this area! We should approach with humility and love when we are seeking to confront, instruct, guide, help or caution! Lastly, it can heal. How many times have you had a sore throat or some kind of oral surgery, even losing a tooth where you have been instructed to rinse with salt water. Why? Not to make you gag, although that is a nice bonus but because salt has healing properties. I don’t know about you but I want my words to bring healing to those who hear.
Fifth, our speech is to be wholesome. I can make this short and sweet. Wholesome means “devoid of decay” or “the opposite of something that is putrid or rotten.” In other words, foul as in foul language. I have heard two things that have stuck with me for many years and I find them to be true over and over again. First, people use profanity out of ignorance because they can’t think of anything more intelligent to say. Second, there is nothing more unfeminine and unladylike than a foul mouth! I think of a beautiful woman with every hair in place, makeup on, pretty smile and then she lets a string of words go that would make a sailor blush. Something about that just makes her look plain rotten. The bottom line, it isn’t necessary! There are so many other words that can be used besides the five or six that are undoubtedly unwholesome!
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