Courtship Part Two

Often times people, kids and adults alike, misconstrue physical feelings as love. Because we are attracted to the person and the person makes us feel good from physical touch we translate all of this positive “feeling” into love. However, this "love" is a very shallow emotion that often times does not endure through the hardships of life. We are teaching our children a very superficial meaning of love. We have taken love that once stood for an unwavering commitment to the Lord and our spouse regardless of feelings or circumstances and traded it in for the crass, dime a dozen, cotton candy and roses of 21st century media. And our divorce rate reflects the shift mainly because we are following our hearts and not our heads! Wow! What a non-romantic I am! Not really, I love romance as much as the next person and what I find more romantic than anything else is an honest to goodness, real life, happy ending! Is there anything sweeter than seeing two people with white hair sharing decades of memories in one smile? We have the rest of our lives for romance but it's best not to cloud the decision of a lifetime with too much goo! Just like a good hairdo, too much goo can mess it up! (I had to throw that in there! A good hair day only runs second to a happy ending!)

So, the soap box leads somewhere, I promise! I am a firm believer that you can determine all you need to know in order to marry someone without every having to date them, kiss them or touch them! Archaic, I know! But, when I sit back and think about all of the things that I admire and respect about Kraig as a husband or all of the reasons why I would choose him again, I typically don’t talk about the physical qualities or the physical attraction. Although I love those things about him our marriage is not built on those things. Also, how many of you would say that sex usually begins with a kiss or a gentle touch? Therein lies the reason for taking physical touch out of the equation - it adds temptation and complications that aren’t necessary! There are many nay sayers on this point. I often have people question, "How then do you determine an initial attraction?" To which I reply, “Has anyone every married someone they weren’t attracted to? Furthermore, isn't attraction first determined by the eyes instead of touch? Hence the saying, "Beauty is in the EYE of the beholder." How many would say that you can determine attraction to someone without having to touch them but through the initial vision of the other person mixed with meaningful conversation or similar interests? The physical attraction is easily attained but finding common ground and like-mindedness proves more difficult although not impossible. All successful relationships have to have common bonds that link two people together. Faith and friendship being the two most important followed closely by family. Which establishes the three “F’s” of courtship.

We start with the most important which is faith. Faith being the first and the cornerstone for every relationship. Each person possessing a personal relationship based on salvation through faith with the Lord Jesus Christ. Both submitting to the Bible as the guide for all things in life including the correct design for marriage and family. Both actively involved in a church that teaches sound doctrine. Pretty simple.

Friendship is the process by which we begin to get to know someone. At an early age, children can begin to distinguish between desirable and undesirable characteristics in their friends. For example, Jack may choose friends that are girls that are interested in sports, are positive and are loyal. These traits can and most often will translate into specific characteristics as a wife. One can assume that she would be active with her children, always looking for the positive in a negative circumstance and be loyal in her relationship with her husband. (I have to interject here that these aren't hard and fast connections but over the years of developing a friendship with someone you can see these traits put to the test over and over.) Without even knowing it, children are beginning to determine what type of person they would look for as a marriage partner.

Lastly, the third "F" is family. Although children are not responsible for the family that they come from they are a product of that family. And although they shouldn't be punished for mistakes they aren't responsible for it is important to take this into consideration ultimately remembering that God is able to make all things new! The importance rests in realizing the type of home that a child is reared in will be significant in how they view life for their own family. "Courting the family" is a must in the process of courtship! Marriage makes two people one flesh and binds two families together. You will be spending a lot of time with your in-laws so you better start now! Getting to know the family will also explain a lot about how a person thinks and acts.