Good but not Godly

I have a burden on me the size of Texas as I write to you! I don’t know exactly what else to say that compares to the heaviness of heart that I am experiencing! This post is specifically for single women who are maybe even engaged but not yet married. I pray that this finds its way into your heart and takes strong root.

There is an epidemic among us that is harming our families, stifling our children and bringing lifelong disappointment and strife that can be avoided. Girls, I am talking about marrying good and not godly. I counsel women almost daily that sit across from me and regret that decision. I also sit across from women who are so desperate to be married that they cannot or will not listen to any voice that cautions them against their will.

I can confidently say after almost 13 years of marriage that marriage to a believer is hard but I can’t imagine not having the same life purpose drawing us back together time and again. Do you know why God was so adamant about the nation of Israel staying separate from the nations around them? Because they didn’t have the same purpose! The Bible compares it to two oxen that are headed in different directions. How much work do you think two animals hooked to the same plow will accomplish if one wants to go to the left and the other wants to go to the right? Not much! One will have to consent to the other in order for them to move forward. This whole matter was so serious that God specifically told the Israelites they were not to intermarry. Why? God knew that intermarriage causes assimilation into the culture. It is simply impossible for you to be married to someone but not become part of their families, their lives, their practices. You just can’t remain separate. You are now one flesh but with two different mindsets. You know what we call that? Schizophrenia! Scripture puts it this way, “What fellowship has light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

As I write I can almost hear the excuses being offered up in your minds. “He says he is a Christian and he isn’t evil like someone of darkness, he’s a nice guy! He’s a good man, he provides and protects and he is very responsible. He’s good to me, he takes care of me and he isn’t opposed to church, he just likes to sleep in on Sundays.” And the list goes on. These are actual things that I hear all the time. I had one girl who said, “He just makes sin not seem so bad plus, he knows the Bible, he’s very strong in his faith.” My heart broke in that moment and I told her as lovingly as I could, “Sweetie, this man doesn’t love you! If he did, his sole purpose in your relationship would be KEEPING you from stumbling not being the block that you stumble over!”

Can you say that? Are you involved with a man that asks you to do things that go against the very fabric of who you are? Are you in a relationship or engaged to a man who is a stumbling block to your walk with the Lord? Maybe you cannot honestly answer “yes” to those questions but can you say this, “The man I am dating or about to marry is leading me toward the Lord. He is actively helping me to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ. He is the example in our relationship as a leader not a follower.”

Girls, you were never meant to be the leader, you were meant to be the follower. The Lord is completely able to provide all of what you need in a godly man if you will trust Him and wait for it. Please, I beg you, do not be so anxious to get married that you make a mistake that you will have to live with for the rest of your life! You see, we think that good will eventually lead to godly and on rare occasions it does but mostly it doesn’t. If your desire is to serve the Lord, raise your children in the same way and strive to glorify God then you cannot marry good and not godly! The time to choose wisely is NOW! Seek godly counsel from your Pastor, pray that the Lord would give you clarity by His Spirit and be honest with yourself. If you have to look for evidence of spiritual fruit or if you are continually making excuses for him, if you are the spiritual leader or he has made a profession of faith because you won’t take “no” for an answer then proceed with all caution! After your salvation this is the single most important decision you will ever make, don’t take it lightly and don’t let your heart override your head! Good will not always be godly but godly will always be good!